I feel like a failure. Any advice?
Hello, I don’t want to come into this subreddit and dump all of my problems onto people, but I really need some outside opinions or advice.
I’m currently a sophomore in high school and will be a junior soon. I don’t really know how to explain this properly, but I’ve been doing online school for what feels like forever.
My mom provides for our whole family, and I care about her deeply. Even though I struggle a lot mentally and emotionally, I still do value my life, and I know there are people who care about me.
The issue is that online school has completely destroyed my motivation and discipline. I don’t study, I barely learn anything, and most of the time I rely on things like AI just to keep myself from falling behind. I know that sounds pathetic, but it’s the truth.
If you asked me what I see for my future, I honestly couldn’t tell you. I don’t feel good at any core subject, not English, Math, or even Science. I feel like I’ve spent years pretending to be a good student while learning almost nothing underneath it all.
I feel like a disappointment to my family. I’m the middle child, and sometimes it feels like people expect something successful out of me, but the grades I get praised for feel fake because they don’t reflect what I actually know.
What scares me most is that college is only about two years away, and I already feel behind in almost every way possible. I’ve barely been exposed to the outside world, I don’t really have friends, and most of the people I interact with are family members. I also have no study habits whatsoever. I genuinely don’t think I’ve consistently used a notebook or properly studied since elementary school.
I don’t even know what I want to do in the future anymore, especially when it comes to college or careers. My work ethic feels ruined because I got so used to cheating and taking shortcuts just to survive school. Now it feels like my life is spiraling downward, and I’m terrified it’s only going to get worse from here.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to improve, but I have no idea how.