u/Far-Preparation-3302

I am hoping to separate from my current pwbpd this year and things are at the point where everything and I mean everything i do is wrong. They want to be comforted but if i comfort them they find it condescending and push me away both verbally and physically. They ask why im so quiet all the time but whenever i speak i get ignored and interrupted or something i say gets misconstrued as some attack/problem, or i am told that nothing i say makes sense. They don't want to help or do anything for me but demand I do things for them and dont take no for an answer. I pay for everything and do all housework but still am treated with verbal abuse, belittling me on the regular. I dont even know how to talk to them anymore and still mourn the early relationship where they briefly pretended to be wonderful. Its sad and lonely.

Today my stbex demanded I hand him my phone on the spot for a phone call. It wasnt urgent mind you, he wanted to call a store he ordered something from and its 5 hours before they close so there isnt a rush to call them. I ask him why he cant use his phones (he has two) and theres a little bit of back and forth- one of them is dead, the other doesnt have a sim card, i ask why doesnt he just charge his phone for a bit and then call, they might not even have it still and i was texting some online friends at the moment so it seemed a little pushy was all.. I feel like me trying to say no to this should have warranted an eyeroll at best (his phone charges fast and 5-10 minutes would have genuinely been more than enough time). He has given me a lot of shit and continues to if i ever ask him to put his phone down or stop texting mid conversation/movies.

He ended up freaking out, insulting me and getting mad just for me asking why he cant just charge his and be patient. Which of course ends up with him just using my phone anyway because i just want it to end, which of course it still doesn't after said call is completed, he has to continue it and accuse me of all the things he does while i try not to jump out the window from the ridiculous hypocrisy. But if i need help he gets to say no to anything he wants and i have to just respect it. Im basically never supposed to actually say no to him because "youre my partner you're supposed to just help me and not question it, like i do for you" (??? No you dont but okay). Ironically a week ago I asked him if he could make a conscious effort to make coffee for me while i shower before work in the morning (i work two jobs to pay bills he wont help with and he lied about agreeing to us splitting costs) because it would help save me time; when i get ready in the morning he wakes up with me just to scroll reddit on his phone while i run around doing things. His whole response was basically that he already does do it enough (he does it maybe once in a whole month), shouldnt have to do it more than he already does, and that he doesnt have to do stuff for me just because hes my partner... all of this towards the person who pays for his whole life because they wanted a little mutual help.