I 21F and my now ex 19F is currently in a weird situation of being friends but also not so much, did she break up with me because she found a new interest?
I have a gf, we met through a tiktok live. I have a friend who streams valorant and one of her teammates is Wuwa (my ex). Then my friend started to joke around about me and her until we became mutuals on discord and things escalated to us being together after 2 months of talking (we are long distance). The relationship was an absolute rollercoaster, And by what you can see, yes she is younger because she lied about her age and only told me months after (which is I know already a red flag). The relationship is 50/50, by that I meant 50 bad and 50 good, but when it's bad it was so bad. For the entirety of the relationship, we broke up for 3 times and we've been together for 9 months only. At first I we would fight about my schedule, she is an accounting student, and I am a nursing student. We met during summer, so I'm always free and we would hangout the whole day. She would complain about how I can't make time or be as active as before when school started and I'd have to explain it over and over again how I am always trying and it's just very busy year since I'm already in 3rd year. It's so bad that I'd wake up apoligizing because I fell asleep after coming home from a duty that ends at 10pm or I'd stay up til midnight when I have a duty at 5:30 am (I wake up 1hr and 30 mins earlier). When we argue, she would use words that are mean, blame me, or purposely make me cry (this is 3-4 months in btw). Then the arguing about my school stopped, it became about time and bonding. We would sometimes call during weekends or when Im free (but we are call everyday and sleep otp everyday), we would hang out and watch, or I watch her play, but as months pass, I just watch her play. We would watch but we just watch and never have this moment where we just talk about the movie or idk talk? before we fought cuz she knows I like moves and music, I opened up about how I dont feel seen when she ignores my song recommendations or refuse to watch movies with me and not suggest what to do for the day (and ofc we argued saying it was my fault and movies are not her thing cuz its boring). Then she started liking to watch with me as time pass by, she started jamming with me on spotify, and even recommend movies that she wants to watch. And then around March, she became active on instagram and she followed another girl whch is according to her, a friend of her sister she played with before. Then around the end of march, she was streaming valorant on discord then another player joined, (lets call her Tea). So i asked wuwa who is that player she said it's just a random, so I didn't care. But mid game, the Tea went infront of Wuwa's player and crouched infront of her, and asked "are you maaad?" in a cutesy voice, then wuwa replied on chat and not thru voice chat. Tea asked twice then ofc I got suspicious, why would she said its a random and ask if she's mad? then after that I told her Im gonna shower, when I came back (wuwa doesn't know im back yet) they are whispering and giggling in voice chat. like ig for fun. Then after the game I asked her if Tea is really a random then she said it was the girl from instagram (which is Tea). Then that's when they started to play more often. Then out of overthinking, I opened up to her (which by now I guess you can tell how it end up) she showed me their convo not alot, but Tea updates her with pics and they have a history of an 8 hour call on discord (i do not know of). Wuwa said she helped Tea finishing her English homework (she's not fluent since she's from thai) and after that they played valorant. That day when they called, we are not on good terms and I was asking her to call me to talk but she refuses but I didnt know she's actually in the call with her til 12 midnight. Then she got so petty about it, she deleted Instagram. Then after that we became okay, then around april, she asked to call and she was crying, she confessed that during the times I fell asleep first, she would talk to other girls, since start of April (she confessed this mid april and said she was 3 days clean of talking to other girls) then she said she talked to 4 different girls to seek comfort and attention, then she said it was partly my fault because I was always busy with school and can't give her attention. (and yettt i still stayed i know stupid). After I started to give more time, messaging her from time to time because I guess I got scared that if I let her be, she would go back to messaging other girls again, then she got so annoyed saying I spam her so much (I just say I miss her or talk to her abt her plans for the day) and I talk to her mid day already, and I have a PM duty at 12 noon to 10 pm so im only free during the day. She said it's annoying and Im not the spammer type not I am. And I remember crying otw to my duty and swallowing it all to perform well cuz my duty is in a Pscyh facility. It was so bad, the duty is heavy and so is my feelings. She said I overthink so much, she reassures me and all but I still overthink, she said "now you are gonna be upset and you're going to your duty upset because of my words when you are asking for it" then she would ignore for the whole day after that. Then at the end of april, it was my last day at the Psych facility, I told her we should spend the night and I can stay up since I got no plans the next day. I got home around 10:30 pm, no message, I showered and in bed by 11pm still nothing, so I messaged her that Im home (we have life360 btw and Im usually home by 9pm and she didn't even check up on me) when I went to discord, she was playing valorant. I didnt message and waited, I even fell asleep and woke up around 2 am and still nothing. I messaged her goodnight and she said just one last game and promise that tomorrow she would spend the day with me. ANDD nothing, the day after she played valorant, and said she was feeling meh after we talked about what happened last night, we watched a movie after she played and after the move she played again. I didnt say anything this time. The next day, we called pretty late around 5 pm and we didnt talk cuz she was not in the mood then she took a nap 5pm to 8pm, I was hoping to spend the night together by talking but she played valorant, even asked me if its okay if she will leave the call to stream for the people she's playing with (and yes, Tea was there and its Tea's friends). I didnt say anything and just agreed, I stayed in the call (we have a server) and I asked her if she can come by now and then in between rounds, and she did but she played til 11pm, we talked for 15 mins barely, then she said she wants to sleep. Then the next day I opened up to her, she got upset and asked for space then 9 hours of not talking, she broke up with me, actually no, I asked her to, cuz she said she doesn't know what to do but she also doesn't want to hurt me by making me wait for her answer and she doesn't want me to hope. So i said just get it over with and I asked her to block me. She did. After that, not even a 2 days after, she's sending messages on our shared calendar and sending me songs thru creating an event then a day after, she unblocked me and asked if she can have a link from life360 so she can know where am i without asking me. and we she said she doesn't want to go back yet so I said then let's be friends then, she agreed, then ignored me afterwards, start of May til now May 17, its a continous on and off calling and ignoring eachother. Then yesterday, I saw her playing with Tea and they have a matching banner on valorant. And she ignored me the whole day too. and I got pent up with it and blocked her but my mind is racing, is she like this because of Tea? or she just doesn't want me anymore like she said? and if that's the case why keep calling me and asking me for comfort? Please tell me how to process this, its been taking a toll on me.