u/Far-Show-4393

My absolute soul dog, sweet senior boy was diagnosed with a nasal tumor a few months ago. Because of his age, elevated kidney values, and arthritis, I decided not to pursue radiation. I truly believed we still had much more time together though. When we did the CT scan about a month ago, the tumor had already started invading the other nostril, but clinically he still seemed relatively okay.

Fast forward to the last week or so, and things started changing. He developed significant GI upset and hadn’t had a solid poop in over a week. At night, he would struggle to breathe and have episodes where he seemed to gasp for air for hours at a time. During the day, he still acted almost totally mostly like himself, but I could tell he was getting tired especially on walks and didn’t want to run at the park anymore. Over the last couple months, he had also lost about 15 pounds but never refused food.

On Monday night, he had a bleeding episode from his nose along with severe gasping for air, and I rushed him to the ER. They told me there really wasn’t anything more they could do and that this was likely the progression of the tumor.

The hardest part is that during the daytime, especially these last couple days, he still had moments where he seemed okay. Nights were hard, but during the day he was pretty alert, could still jump on the bed, wait to go outside, sniff around on walks, and wag his tail. Yesterday, I gave him his perfect day: sunshine, favorite foods, car rides, cuddles, all the things he loved most. Even this morning before I let him go, he seemed happy and sweet and “normal” in so many ways.

My vet reassured me that today was absolutely a reasonable day to help him pass because she felt we were talking days, maybe a week at most, before things became much worse and potentially traumatic for him.

I’m struggling so much with guilt because everyone always says, “they’ll let you know when it’s time,” and I don’t feel like I got some clear moment or sign. He still seemed happy. Part of me keeps wondering if I acted too soon just because I was scared of him suffering.

Im so overcome with grief it’s unimaginable and wanting more time with him. I can only write this because I keep going back forth between shock, guilt, and crying.

Did I do the right thing by letting him go?

I have to put my sweet guys down this week due to his progressing nasal tumor and inability to breathe well at night. The decision to do this is already tremendously hard but now I don’t know where I should do it. He loves our vet and when we go I always say “we’re going to see your friends” because he loves the attention he gets there. He also loves the car so I’m not worried about that part stressing him out. I selfishly want to also do it at the vet so I don’t have to carry the memory of him dying in my apartment that I have only ever shared with him. However, I know people the “peaceful” way to go is in the comfort of your own home where he’s totally relaxed and in his element. I don’t want to make this decision at all but I’m not sure which is the “right” one.