Narcissistic coworker's gaslighting possibly caught on camera
My (30F) coworkers (28M) have worked together for a year and a half. He has been manipulating me the entire time, starting with claiming to be strictly gay to make me more comfortable around him. After a few months, due to the influence of some drugs, I said that I kind of liked him, and he took it and ran. It happened very fast, and he was constantly unloading his entire life on me and crying and blah blah. He knew I had a bit of a drug problem and abused that and said he'd get some, but I could only have it at his house. I knew all this was I did it anyway. We had a brief unofficial relationship that I was really only doing for drugs. I was uncomfortable at his house and I was uncomfortable being alone with him but I thought I still liked him and he manipulated me onto doing things I outright didnt consent to, but I still didn't leave. He most likely still has a video he took without my consent, and I will live in fear for the rest of my life because of it.
It took a while, but eventually, that part of the relationship came to an end, and we became platonic friends. He would've still fucked me at the drop of a hat, but I was not interested. I was however still purchasing drugs from him.
I knew I was being manipulated, but I wanted the drugs and we got along alright at work even though are relationship was incredibly volatile.
It was over the weekend that I came to a sudden and abrupt epiphany that he was in fact a complete narcissist. Every bullet point, ever sign was there. I never put 2 and 2 together until then.
Our boss had just left on vacation but THANKFULLY I'd just recently been telling him a lot of the kinds of things he's been saying to me. We also couldn't quite figure out why he pitched a fit and hated the job so much. I texted him my narcissism theory and screenshot of the bullet points and he said he'd make changes when he got back.
I did not work yesterday so when I came in to open the store this morning I decided the grey rock theory was worth a shot because I've tried completely ignoring him in the past to little success. I run the store by myself until 1pm and he comes in. Just the two of us for 3 hours. I was incredibly nervous but it actually went really well. Only a few brief answers, mostly yeses and noes. I could tell he definitely wanted my attention and wanted me to respond to certain things I would normally. He got absolute silence and I made a point to never be in his view for any prolonged period of time or go the long way around to avoid walking near him.
4pm is when 3 other employees show up for work and I was in the homestretch at this point with only an hour left. Now that I have some staff to take care of business if need be, I go into the office to input our truck order.
Where it starts to pop off
I'm nearly finished when I get pulled away for some reason. I dont even recall. When I return to the office the computer mouse is gone. Okay, weird. The desk we have is rather big and has quite a bit on it, so im shuffling around, checking behind things, questioning what I could've done with it. It's then that I'm feeling this is orchestrated. He happened to come into the office to make a cup of coffee, but it felt like he was lingering, waiting. I waited a few moments and finally decided to ask if he'd seen it. He immediately goes into "It was just right there, how could you lose it oh my god." I do not let it get it me, im still searching when I open the cabinet above the computer, and there it is with the switch on the bottom tuened off. I honestly dont remember what exactly i was feeling, but I say something like "That's odd" in a normal tone. I dont recall if he said anything at all, but he walks out. I finished the truck order. im starting to shake a bit, and my mind is getting foggy. I was just going to personally document the incident on my phone, but I figured I would do my due diligence and ask the 3 other employees if they may have done it. I start with the guy I have the best relationship with and have been known to do some silly hijinks from time to time. I very quietly ask, and he says no, and what kind of question is that. I walk away chuckling in an oh-you-dont-even- know type of way. Mind you, im still a bit hazy, not thinking straight, I guess. Maybe I should've taken my time and figured out a way to ask the other 2 more privately, but I needed to be sure. I'm asking the second person, and halfway through, he walks by and very loudly says, "You don't honestly believe someone's out to get you come on." Our store is very small, and the only person who may not have heard him was the first guy I asked who was closer to the front of the store. I restate my question to the second person. They say no. I have to ask the third guy about 4 times because he's older and understandably is thrown off and doesn't grasp the question. He even answered yes the third time I asked, eventually saying no. That was it I had my answers. He's saying more things, demeaning me loudly, im so hazy I can't remember what more he says, but he keeps going. I start shaking and remember my purse is left unattended in the back. I quickly run and grab on my way to the back door to put it in my car. I come back in, and I overhear him more quietly, saying things I know are about the situation. I've clocked out at this point and the second person I talked to comes to me and tries talking to me about an incident that happened the other day with this same guy, I very quietly and quickly tell her what is happening right now while we have a brief moment alone and she can see that im shaking. I tell her to please not believe what he s saying about me. He quietly slides in and tells me I didn't clock out properly and need to reenter my password. I run back up and do so and while on my way out he claims loudly "Don't forget your stuff in the walk-in this time" referring to certain items I've been caught with before but hadnt done that day and shouldn't have been in there. I panic, thinking he's planted something to frame me, so I check. I find nothing and feel stupid. When I walked out, he says "wow its really THAT bad that you had to check," and laughed. The last thing he said before I rushed out the door was "okay okay let me stop messing with you." I dont think it said a word the entire time other than oh my god repeatedly under my breath. it was surreal, what and why was this happening. I've never experienced anything like it before. I then recall a situation a few months prior where, in a last-ditch effort to find my missing keys, I check the dumpster. I find them in the bottom of a bag somewhere in the middle of it. As happy as I was finding them Im thinking is this really fucking possible. I lightheartedly ask him and he plays it off and do I really think he would do something like that. I eventually laugh it off not really coming to a conclusion. I'm just happy that I finally get to go home.
I text my boss everything, everything, everything. Im texting so much and I feel so awful bc he's on vacation trying to relax, and im sure this is stressing him the fuck out, and I'm annoying but I need to get it all out now. I send screenshots from texts that took place just over the weekend and I texted my coworker inside to please either document her inside with him through text to me or on her phone. I texted the closing manager that I missed by about 10 minutes why I left early and to please also not believe the things he will hear about me. I did my best to get ahead of as much as I could.
I haven't driven away yet when I suddenly realize the office has 2 cameras, 1 might be disconnected though. My boss installed his own camera and can access it from his phone so I ask about it and he tells me that he can only watch the live and the moment and the wifi where he is is shit so he'll see about trying to review it. He may not be able to access it until he returns next Monday. A whole week of this... with really no one to protect me. I come home and after hours of talking with my partner, I'm feeling better, still not great. I go to get something from my purse and I find a different mouse in it. This mouse was for a separate computer that I thought we'd lost because I hadnt seen it in awhile but its not really necessarily needed. I was more worried he'd take something from my purse then to put something in it. What is the point of it? I feel like it basically proves the fact that he did it, no? Or is he trying to get me to believe I hid one mouse and accidentally took another? One I cant even remember the last time I saw? I know this is long and I didnt think I'd be able to write it. Also he must have realized by now that he was caught on camera doing it, unless he somehow blocked the view but I dont see how considering where it placed. He's very paranoid so I imagine he'd be freaking out about it now or he's creating some story about why.
I feel so... weird.. so many emotions, not knowing which being the strongest, so lost, going in and out of questioning things. He was my best friend at work, it was pretty volatile but I never thought it would be like this. Now the mask is gone, and I see the pure evil that lies there. Thinking about how many times this has happened or what else hes done or said. In well over a year how many times? 100s? All the lies, manipulating, gaslighting, God knows what else. Playing me this whole time, outwardly being my friend, the person I talked to the most at work. It's true and poor evil. Worse, yet he knows practically every little thing about me. All my secrets, where I live, where my parents live. He told me that he was thinking of blackmailing me once but that was only because "he was in a really bad mood that day." I feel stupid and used, embarrassed and exhausted. I was on track to get a pretty good promotion, and now I have no clue what I'm going to do. Thankfully, I dont see him the next two days and the other days I work I won't be alone with him but clearly that won't matter because it seems like he actually waited for audience to start fucking with me. He's been talking about quitting and moving across the country, so that's what I'm praying for.
Im so exhausted at this point. Am I being too dramatic? Any advice on anything, please? I'm desperate... Will update hopefully following camera footage.