Salam brothers and sisters, I’m looking for sincere advice (throwaway account).
(36M) I was in a talking stage with a girl for about three and a half months, and she genuinely had everything I was looking for. She’s religious, observes her deen and hijab, educated, feminine, and very well-raised in all aspects. She’s also beautiful, and to me, she was an ideal woman in every sense. I’m not saying this out of emotion because we’re no longer talking—I’m usually very particular and selective about what I want in a wife, and she met every standard I had. I could clearly see her as the mother of my children.
To be honest, I’m not an emotional person. I’m more logical, structured, and firm in my decisions. But despite that, the way she carried herself, her character and sincerity, it got through to me in a way I didn’t expect.
Things ended because of things outside our control. I’m based in a different country, and she’s from a place currently facing travel restrictions, making it very difficult for us to be together in the same location anytime soon. At the same time, I can’t relocate because I’m the eldest sibling and responsible for taking care of my parents.
She was willing to make it work and go through a couple of years of long distance. She even suggested that after marriage, we could manage by meeting every few months and cooperating through that period until things became easier. Despite that, I struggled with the idea and made the decision to end things based on what I thought was the more realistic and responsible choice.
Part of me sees it as a selfless decision! I chose my responsibilities toward my family over what I wanted personally. But at the same time, I’m starting to question that. I’m concerned that over time, I might carry resentment, even if I don’t want to, because of what I had to let go.
At the time, we were both hurt. And now, months later, I still think about her. I keep dreaming about her and remembering her. I stay busy with my life, I work out, I have a stable job and income….but I still can’t get past the feeling that I may have met my wife and let her go.
Any advice from brothers and sisters would be appreciated. And if anyone has gone through something similar, I’d really value hearing your experience.
Thank you for reading w Jazakum Allah Khayr….