Husband-to-be is either in the closet or at least bi
tdlr; throw away account. Saw my (31F) fiance (38M) Reddit chats while using his iPad and I’m very sad by what I found
First off, my mind is all over the place right now and I will try my best to not go all over the place with this post. I am laying down on a hospital bed as I am writing this, due to pre term labor. I sent my fiancé home this am to get some sleep since I’m just being monitored today. he’s supposed to come back tomorrow and I don’t want him to anymore. He left his iPad with me before he left and I used it to watch movies and browse the internet. Started freaking out about some of the stuff the docs were telling me so I went on the Reddit app to look up things I was freaking out about. Well… the home page was full of VERY NSFW things. I was hella shocked and I decided to go to his posts, which he had none (or maybe had been deleted) no comments on posts either; but the message section was wild. turns out right after his previous long term relationship, he went on Reddit to ask ppl to give him BJs... I did not even know that was a thing on Reddit. He would send pictures of his you know what as well as a photo of himself! And the people would do the same. Not only that it felt like 98% were MEN! Some who were gay and some who were married but “curious”. some who wanted 3some, something he told me he never understood why ppl do that.. yeah right! I looked up the date and it was right after he broke up with his ex, and it went on for 6months!
2.5 years ago when we first started dating, I had asked him if he was bi or even gay because I noticed he constantly make comments like “this guy is def gay”. After hearing it more than normal (to me) I asked him why he’s so focus on who’s gay and who’s not… told him it’s weird he even notices that let alone mention it as much as he does. He denied and said ppl have asked him that question before and was upset that I asked him. He said he’s very social person (and he is very extroverted) and sometimes ppl take it the wrong way and thinks he is wanting more than a simple convo and so they assume he’s interested. A year after dating He wanted to move in the city near by and did. i was practically constantly there even though we had separate homes. We used to bar hop a lot around his new place and there was a bar in particular that we both liked a lot which, happened to be an unofficial gay bar, very inviting of all cultures, which was nice. he’s a very attractive guy and lots of ppl, men and women tended to go out of their way to make convos with him. I noticed that even with men he never really cut the convo short even though it was noticeable they were making a move on him. it became a constant fight we had and made me upset he was leading them on for no reason, so I asked him AGAIN, are you bi maybe? our sex life is great, so I know he at least likes women. He denied and got upset I brought it up again. I told him I did not like that he kept convo going with men (or women) but especially men bc then I feel like it leaves a message about our relationship that isn’t true… and I’m not ok with that. A month or 2 later he said the city life is destroying us and he proposed we move in together in the county. He rented his place and moved in with me in the county while we look for a home of our own. He also proposed to me around that time (a year after we started dating), then half a year later we got a wonderful surprise, pregnant with twins, and I personally requested that we pause the wedding preparations till after the kids are born so its one less thing to stress about. Fast forward to today, 7 months in, I find out that in his past hes been reaching out to men on Reddit, asking them to give him BJs. this is making me so sad that I can’t even get myself to be angry… and to make matters worse, we have to add the twins to my insurance once they’re born, this means I will be for a family “package” so it only made sense we added him too and split everything. So we decided we were just gona go do a quick court wedding after they’re born so we can change our insurances….
I feel so cornered and just so sad about everything. I need to bring this up to him and let him know that I know he did stuff with men, even if he was not into “reciprocating” the BJs as the messages he sent those men said. To me that is STILL sex with men. Then he lied to my face, twice, about not being gay or Bi. Now I can’t help but feel like he WAS probably flirting with men at that bar while claiming he was just being friendly when I called him out. And I am now here I am 7months preggo with twins looking like a fool.. and a damn cow! and my home is in the area he used to live with his ex, so ppl around or in the city, prob know of his shenanigans..
oh and to add more to this, he’s been going in the city still here and there by himself since we got pregnant, to catch up with some of our friends and every single time he stops at that bar and doesn’t come home till it closes! I am not able to go since I’m constantly sick and now on bedrest