I’m currently planning my wedding and there’s one part of it I’m quietly struggling with.
My mum has decided she won’t attend or discuss the wedding because I’m gay. Her reasons are religious, and I do respect her right to her beliefs.
She would love the church we've chosen, too.
Our relationship hasn’t completely broken down. I still call her every week to check in, see how she’s doing, chat about normal life stuff, etc.
Three weeks ago, she phoned me with confusion and slurred speech. Myself and my partner sorted childcare and went straight to the hospital. It was my birthday and the day after we got engaged. I was convinced I this news had caused her to have a stroke (she had a T.I.A. and is now entirely back to normal). I felt so guilty. We are a large family, so we took shifts and stayed for hours. We had a ready meal for my birthday. 🤭
When I speak to her, she just completely avoids this massive part of my life. I find it so incredibly bizarre.
If I mention the wedding, she immediately says "I'm going to end the conversation now". No questions about plans, no interest in how things are going, just a threat to hang up. Peculiar behaviour.
I think part of me assumed that even if she didn’t agree with it religiously, she’d still want to be involved as my mum. Maybe that was unrealistic, I don’t know.
I’m still excited to marry my partner and I’m lucky to have supportive people around me. I suppose I’m just trying to process the weirdness of having someone love you deeply while also rejecting a significant part of your life. It puts us all in a very uncomfortable position. My other two sisters are also banned from discussing the wedding and one of them hasn't even RSVP'd, due to her beliefs.
Has anyone else navigated something similar with family and religion (🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ or not)?
I do public speaking about the intersectionality of being cis-female, a queer person of colour and having long term health conditions, (misdiagnosis and medical bias and misogyny) and this is exactly the kind of rubbish that we have to stand up to. Culture and religion vs. love and acceptance. Love to hear your thoughts. x