I don't think I'm fit to be in a relationship
Problem/Goal:
Lagi nalang akong nagsasawa sa mga relationships na pinapasukan ko.
Context:
I have been talking with the guy I'm currently with (although nanliligaw palang siya) since September last year, but he started making ligaw nung January. I already told him about this problem that I had, pero he was still willing to try. We've also had fights before because I get irritated whenever he gets way too clingy (both irl and online)- pero he still chose to stay despite me telling him na pwede naman siyang mag-give up nalang since ganito nga yung binibigay kong attitude sakaniya. Parang because of him being understanding, bumalik feelings ko, and we were okay again nun- but that was a month ago. Now, naiinis na ulit ako whenever nag-mmessage siya. I don't like it pag nag-uupdate siya just to say, "maliligo na ako," "kain lang ako," etc. It just feels too much for me...? Pero yun din yung reason ng away namin last time, tapos he stopped for a whole, but now ganun na ulit siya. This is what usually happens sa past relationships ko, but this time I actually wanted to try- which is why I held on kahit na alam kong ayaw ko na. My whole family knows about him and same pa kami ng circle, kaya hindi ko alam if I should just end it or what... I also feel bad for him because out of all the people I have dated, siya yung pinaka-maeffort. I actually felt loved and appreciated. But I feel like hindi ko siya deserve because of what I'm feeling... he deserves someone who'll reciprocate the love and effort that he gives.
Previous attempts:
I've been in 2 official relationships (1 month and 3 months)- both ended due to me getting tired of them. I've also been in 3 (yung isa currently pa) unofficial ones- 2 of which were just flings which only lasted a few months din, ended the same way as the official ones. It's like when I'm in a relationship na, I get this feeling that I want to be single again. But pag single naman ako, ang bilis kong ma-fall, tapos pasok agad sa another rs..