Does this happen??
Ik this might be really messy but this is my first post and i came specifically to just get answers for this one, so please excuse my horrible wording..
So to make things clear: I call myself straight (keyword: call)... but most of the people or almost everyone I know except for the two friends I've come out to think I'm lesbian. That label isn't for me at all but I dont correct them for obvious reasons along with the fact i haven't even transitioned. Truth is, I'm really starting to have doubts.. For a while now i feel like i cant even like girls that much... I cannot really explain but it's just fading. No matter how much I want to be closer to them and crave them I feel like that's not for me. They dont understand me at all. On he contrary I'm starting to think more about what if i liked boys and wanted to have a boyfriend (i used to think that even when i used to identify as a lesbian, and later I assumed it was comphet but it's coming back in a more intense way now). And I'm not even talking about cis men. I'm talking about a guy who's also trans like me. And somehow it sounds so much better. Which is weird because I've never been romantically attracted to a single dude before and neither do I have an interest in men, so why am I feeling like that???
And I think I thought so much about it that I even ended up dreaming about it when I took a nap yesterday. Told my friend and she joked "singled so hard that now you're dreaming about men". And it's true because my love life is non-existent. And so is my social life to some extent. I woke up from that and was horribly disappointed that the boy I saw wasn't even real.
I could see most mlm media and immediately avoid it almost as a reflex (it makes me sad for some reason idk why), and I dont understand it, I cannot relate to much either.. so why do I feel like this??? Not only do I get jealous but I also get really sad while thinking about boys. I think this is because I've always been lonely and had no idea how to properly communicate with anyone in general.. and I've grown up being called abnormal throughout my childhood, something is wrong with me apparently as everyone including my mom says. So idek if this is normal or not, I've never seen a single person talk about something like this. Which makes me really guilty and disgusting.
This was a huge rant but if you read it thank you. It means a lot to me.