How do i proceed?
I became close with a girl in my friend group about 4–5 years ago, and over time our connection deepened into something really significant. About 3 years ago, she started dating a mutual friend of mine, someone I’ve known for over a decade. Their relationship was quite toxic. He cheated multiple times and was often controlling. It made things complicated for me, especially since I was closer to her than him at the time, but I still tried to maintain both friendships.
As the years went on, her and I only grew closer. We travelled overseas together multiple times and have been seeing each other almost every day. I think I started developing feelings for her, but I never fully let myself acknowledge them because of the situation.
Last October, they broke up for good. I went overseas in November, and she joined me in January for a few weeks. During that trip, things shifted and we became intimate. We told ourselves it would end when we got home, but it didn’t. Instead, we both confessed our love for each other . Since then, we’ve been in what is essentially a secret relationship.
Neither of us likes hiding it. We’ve tried to step back and return to just being friends, telling ourselves that one day we could do things “properly,” but we haven’t been able to let each other go. We still see each other almost daily, and the connection between us is undeniable. Both our families know and want us together, all our close friends have always thought we were perfect together.
The complication is that going public would likely hurt him deeply and cause a lot of fallout in our close-knit social circle. She’s not ready to face that, and I understand why. But recently, my dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness and is faced with months to live, that news changed something in me. It’s made everything feel more urgent and real. I don’t want to hide how I feel anymore, I just want to be with her openly. I genuinely see a future with her, we both do, we speak about marriage and children and she’s all if ever want in a partner.
At the same time, I feel guilt about how things have unfolded, especially knowing he was always worried about us. Being in this secret relationship is painful, but the idea of losing her feels worse. I’m stuck between wanting to do what feels right for us and knowing the impact it could have on others, and I don’t know what the right path forward is.
Advice would be well appreciated!