Am I porn addicted?
I (33F) was unfortunately introduced to porn at a very young age and experienced multiple occurrences of sexual assault throughout the years. When I was in middle school/high school I would watch porn almost everyday but it never strayed from the pretty tame variety. As I’ve gotten older, I only watch porn maybe 2 to 3 times a month but it’s definitely not tame anymore. I feel like I’m under some kind of “spell” that can only be lifted if I find the most extreme content possible. Once I do, I’m left with an insane amount of guilt and shame. Is this still porn addiction, even if I’m not consuming on a regular basis?
I’ve tried blocking Reddit and locking all access to the internet after 9pm but it never ends up working. I can’t really pin down any triggers that I have but the feeling feels somewhat similar to my binge eating behavior. Like an almost “blackout” in the pursuit of a dopamine hit.
I want to stop this! The porn I look up goes against all my morals (especially as a SA victim) and doesn’t even align with my sexuality (I’m a lesbian, but the only porn I watch includes men). I want to be free and have a normal relationship with sex, but this issue has completely spilled over into my sex life and made me feel shame for experiencing sexual attraction at all.