Throwaway!
Hey guys. Just wanted to hear some strong words of encouragement for anyone who went through a similar thing. I'm 24, and met this girl when I was 21. We built a friendship which went onto a relationship for three years.
We argued a lot from day one until the day we took a break over the most mundane of things, but we did truly love each other. I mean, she was my first and only love so far of my life. Things got incredibly toxic and rocky towards the end, and we decided to take a break (well, she did). Fast forward 1 month, we decided that we would take a break for two months as I was going away and she would assess over the two months. We kept in contact the whole time, talking everyday and regularly.
Anyway, she decided yesterday that she didn't want to be with me, and now I'm sadly blocked (she said because otherwise she wouldn't be able to resist talking to me, and I was incredibly bad at keeping no contact). Since, I've been such a mess. I cry every 20 minutes, constantly checking my phone to see if she replied to my message that I assume has never reached her, thoughts rotating in my mind about her moving on. I'm truly a mess and I don't know what to do. I've never really loved someone that deeply in my life nor have I truly been through a breakup of this magnitude.
I know this is an over-reaction but it feels like I'll never love someone again, or be loved again. I truly felt so much love for her and she helped me through some horrible times. Everytime I smell a scent that reminds me of her, do something that we did together or even just watch a film that has some form of romantic bond, it fills me with intense emotions. My heart feels so broken beyond repair :( It feels stupid writing this, as some people have been in 10+ year realtionships and go through the same thing...which I imagine is so much tougher...but right now everything just seems so grey and bleak. No matter what I do to focus on myself or forget, I just can't and it's eating me alive.