What do i do with my [26f] bf’s [27m] obsession with 🏳️⚧️ porn star?
My (26f) boyfriend (27M) is obsessed with trans porn stars. We have been together for 2 years. We both come from really conservative backgrounds, but are pretty liberal ourselves, and we like to experiment with different kinks (no third parties involved). Our sex life is more than fulfilling. If anything, I have a higher libido (We wear each other out on weekends). No one of us has cheated on each other. In fact, he made me feel very secure and loved. I had small instances of insecurities because this is my first proper relationship and I am navigating through that. But he really reassured me.
During the relationship, he started to open up about some real life experience that he had had with trans women and said he had an instagram account for following some porn stars. He did not show me the account but it was so easy to find it. So yeah… I found his secret instagram account where he posts his favorite transwomen porn stars. All the posts were from before we met. However, yesterday I decided to randomly just check it again because we are now planning to get married soon. I see that he posted a new post a few months ago (in fact, a day after he bought me the ring). And unlike his posts (where it was just a name, and some defining characteristics of the star), this one was like a love letter almost written about a particular person (a pornstar). It said she makes his heart race, his ck throb, his imagination run wild. She has perfect body, that she is a goddess, and she got him hooked. He called her baby.
I don’t wanna go into much details but this gotten into me because these are the things he says to me. And it left such an irk, bad taste and overall tainted an image I had of him, cheapened everything he said to me. It made me feel like I am not enough and I lack something that they have. I don’t know what to do. I will talk to him today but am not sure what he can say to make it feel okay.
I don’t want to have this relationship end, i have felt that we really do love each other. Is it a me issue that i have to just let this go or is it valid to want him to not engage in this and idk i just feel so lost and hurt. He has been a great partner upto this point and nothing other than this has made me feel so insecure. Any suggestions appreciated on how to navigate this.
Edit: I just added that despite our backgrounds, we are pretty liberal ourselves.