u/FarmWhich4275

The entire class stood to attention. Mr Thomas, their instructor stood before them, a strange sense of superior smugness surrounding him. A sense of smug he had not shown since they first met him. Generally speaking, he was calm, stoic, at times, almost timid, but seeing him like this threw the girls for a loop. A class of twenty students, two Angels, two Devils, several beastkin, one rare three-tailed foxgirl and the rest being elves of various kinds. These students were young, too young to learn guns, play with mechs, or use tanks, so they needed something more... age appropriate. That is why they now stood in front of a museum of some kind. A strangely noisy place, especially for a museum.

"Good morning ladies! I hope everyone enjoyed the trip?" Mr Thomas yelled over the noises behind him.

The girls either shook their heads or shrugged in response, their two other teachers - an Orc woman and a Catwoman - both just stood there with a polite smile.

"Good! Your trip is about to get a lot more comfortable! Welcome to a museum. You are all too young to earn firearm certifications, too young to play with armoured vehicles or heavy weaponry, or even play with explosives. So here we are at the Railway Museum, the largest and most prominent in the country. You are about to learn all about humanity's greatest technological and societal achievement!" He yelled happily as the loud screech of a train whistle could be heard in the background, scaring some of the girls.

One girl - a short Wood Elf - raised her hand. "Uhh… So that isn't your greatest achievement?" She asked, pointing a finger above her at the kilometre long Terran Battlecruiser in close orbit above them.

"A good question, yes, it is a great achievement, but it wouldn't be possible without the primary foundation. The principle of Logistics! the process, nay, the entire concept of everything you see here could NOT be done without what lies in this museum, the largest and most prominent of its kind. This museum is the main storage area for our entire history of the concept of logistical infrastructure. The purest essence of the ideal of getting Thing and/or person from Point A to Point B, all distilled into a single machine that fuelled the entirety of the Industrial Revolution. Welcome, ladies, to your first introduction to Trains!" He chirped happily and hastily ushered everyone through the front gate.

The gate led not to white walls and pristine floors, but an open plan mega-huge hangar with dirt and gravel, the sounds of steel, chugging engines and steam whistles.

"Come ladies! Stay OUT of the orange zones, those are safety zones, do not EVER enter those places. Apologies for the noise, the museum is gearing up for an upcoming exhibition to celebrate the five hundredth anniversary of the first ever true railroad journey. Built custom tracks and everything with its own independent rail network just for the celebration. Come quick, I have arranged something special just for this occasion, the Gift tours train is still chugging despite the ongoing activity. Hurry now!" He barked and waved them through.

The girls all felt very small and vulnerable among the enormous machinery, chugging components and hissing steam. All the sounds and noises mixed with the hastily yelled commands of engineers, drivers and station masters in a frantic flurry of work. They passed through two hangars, all of which were bustling with activity before exiting the major storage bays to one of the platforms to the side. There sat the imposing façade of a steam engine, four men in hard hats and high visibility vest, one of which was hunched over the controls in the cabin. Hovering around them was one of the Terran's civilian grade drones, recording all the action. Mr Thomas brought them past the platform and crossed into an isolated, noise proof classroom, the walls decorated with pictures of ancient engines and steam trains.

"Okay then... Take a seat ladies! Reward or not, we are still on school time, we have a lesson to do. Come, come!" He clapped his hands and the girls all scrambled to find a seat.

When the girls were all seated, the lesson began. Mr Thomas pulled a few textbooks, grouping the girls up together to share and positioned a projector to where it needed to be for the lesson. He gave them time to skim through before starting proper.

"Right then, we begin. For today's lesson, which is especially pertinent, turn your textbooks to page 129, we will be discussing the Wood Burning Western and Atlantic Railroad Number Three 'General', a 4-4-0 'American' model steam locomotive. The very same one that is sitting out there on that platform. And after this lesson, we will ride on it to a nice tourist spot. But first, education." He said, and used the projector to pull up the first slide. "Who can tell me what this is?"

The picture was of a steam train, unknown make, model and no number on the faceplate. It looked very small, especially compared to the monsters they passed by. Eventually, one of the two Angels in the class raised a hand. "It says here, the train in that picture is the very first steam engine that is recorded to have done a long haul mission. According to this it was built by British Inventor Richard Trevithick."

"Correct! Well done, yes, that was in fact the very FIRST recorded event of a steam train delivering men and resources. In this case, seventy men and a load of ten tons of iron." He said.

The girls were all taken aback by that. "Ten tons? All at once?" One girl asked.

"Oh yes, ten tons and seventy men, and the technology just got better after that. And all of that force, all that pressure, is done by doing what?" He said, his eyebrow raising.

They scrambled to find the answer in their textbook. The Three tailed foxgirl raised her hand. "Steam powered with wood burning so... All that is done by boiling water?"

"CORRECT! Yes, it all just comes down to the process of boiling water. Same with nuclear energy - same concept - just really, really complicated and a LOT more powerful. Maybe one of these days I'll take you to a nuclear reactor and show you how it worked. One of the decommissioned ones. Moving on, who can tell me what is the modern equivalent cargo haul? Page 391." He replied.

The girls all scoured their textbooks and several hands shot up. One of the smaller Wood Elves, the youngest in the class by a few weeks was called on. "Uh, according to this... Holy crap... I mean uh, depending on the cargo and gauge, it says here, within America, which is where we are, ten thousand to eighteen thousand tons."

"Yes excellent, well done Amari. The largest ever cargo load was set in the year 2001, BHP set the world record for heaviest train ever recorded at ninety nine thousand tonnes! That's a hefty thing, weighed almost as much as a modern Frigate! Now, this is a question specifically about the General. Who was its manufacturer?" He asked, switching the projection to the next slide.

The girls flipped through pages and an orc girl's hand raised. "Rogers, Ketchum and Grosvenor in Paterson, New Jersey."

"Correct, well done! An original variant of that very same train is currently sitting pretty in the Southern Museum Civil War and Locomotive History in Kennesaw Georgia. Beautiful machine, saw it on my last holiday. Yes, I am in fact a train nerd, and I am proud of it." He said, making his eyebrows raise comically.

This solicited a chuckle from the teacher and the students. "Now we come to the important part... How exactly does it work? I shall show you."

He pulled up a useful tool - a Galatube Video with a detailed animation giving an abridged version of how it all functioned.

When the video was over, he resumed the lesson. "Everybody got that? It is indeed that simple. Now, to see who was paying attention. Who can tell me what the 4-4-4 means on the General?"

All hands shot up and the only Devilgirl was picked. "It means how many wheels are used. Four at the front to keep it on the track, four driving wheels where the engine pushes power, and four wheels at the back?"

"Correct! Well done Lacey! Now, to those who were paying special attention, how many cars were behind the General on the platform outside and what were their names?" He asked.

They all looked at each other for a few moments, trying to remember all the overwhelming stuff they saw. Eventually one of the catgirls raised a hand. "Uh... Five, I think? The thing right up against the locomotive is the thing called a Tender right? And there were three passenger cars, and a car that was like a smaller version of the passenger cars? A Caboose I think. Right?"

"Correct! Well done Gemma very well done! For reference's sake, yes, three passenger cars, a Tender and a Caboose. The Tender contains-?" he asked.

Hands flew up, an Orc girl was picked. "Uh... fuel, meaning wood I think, and water for the boiler thing?"

"Correct! Thank you Agora. Now put the textbooks away girls, it's time to ride on the train! Everyone straighten up your uniforms and put the textbooks on the front desk, let's go!" He said with excitement.

The students all scurried after him as they left, and entered the train car at the front in short order. The car fit them all comfortably with room to spare, but were kept in close proximity with the youngest sitting next to the Orc teacher. Mr Thomas looked at his watch and procured two high-visibility vests from the front.

"Now... Here's the exciting part. Karina, come hither please!" he said.

Karina, a High Elf, got out of her seat and wandered up to him. "Put this on and don't take it off. Here, a helmet, don't take it off either, and also these headphones to protect your ears." He said. She obeyed his orders and quickly put the attire on, looking up at him questioningly. "Right... As the highest scoring student in this school, I hereby give you the perfect chance to come with me for a tour of the engine itself and the main cabin. Maybe even if the engineers let us, maybe even drive! Let us hope that this special privilege will spur your classmates to also excel in their studies!" He said, giving the rest of the class a sly grin.

Her face lit up with excitement and the other girl's eyes lit up with jealousy. She scurried after him, careful to step over the couplings and climbed into the main cabin where four men were standing about. One was using a drone remote to do some recording, one was standing outside to check and give hand signals, and the other two were keeping an eye on the pressure gauge while tossing wood into the fire. Karina stood back from the inferno while waiting for commands as Mr Thomas introduced himself, and then her to the men. They all greeted her warmly but kept an eye on their actual jobs.

"Okay Karina, take a look at the controls. From what you read in the textbook and what I showed you, can you tell me what these levers are for?" Mr Thomas said, gesturing to the odd contraptions.

"Uhh… if I remember... This one controls the Brake that stops the train. This one is the throttle, I think it was called, and it makes the train go faster. And that one up there is the whistle. I think that thing is used as a signal or something?" She replied, pointing at each mechanism.

The men all nodded in agreement and gave an approving clap. "Well done Karina, top of the class as expected! Now... I think that deserves a reward." Mr Thomas said, and gestured for her to pull the whistle.

She double checked with the others in the cabin and reached up to pull the chain. She yanked it a bit and a sharp heavy whistle erupted from above her and a jet of steam shot out of the whistle opening.

"ALL ABOARD!" The stationmaster yelled.

The men all gently carted Karina away as they started their work and released the Brake. The train started moving. Karina was gently hoisted out of the cabin in the left window so she could get a closer look at the train's mechanism, and she could see the wheels slipping slightly as the beast picked up momentum. She was carefully tucked back into the cabin and was made to help throw more wood into the fire. She got to blow the whistle a few more times as the train picked up speed and left the station. Eventually, more practised hands were needed at the controls and Mr Thomas returned to the cabin, both of them covered in a thin layer of soot with Karina's face now sporting a perky, happy smile.

The rest of the girls half laughed at her for the soot on her face, and half because of jealousy due to how excited she looked. Mrs Robin, the Elven teacher scowled and waved her elven hand, using some of her magic to clean her up. The sooty marks vanished and Mr Thomas retrieved the safety gear before they reached cruising speed. The train charged forward, now in full swing with its signature chugging noise. All the girls were looking out the windows, asking Karina a flood of questions and checking the countryside. Eventually the train chugged its way into a side rail leading to a town called 'Nowheresville', and soon after the train slowed and stopped at the platform there.

As soon as the train was properly stopped each girl flooded out of the cabin to gawk at the locomotive as it remained idle. Mr Thomas clapped his hands and called the girls to order again. "Right ladies, here's our stop! Welcome to Nowheresville version 2.0, a town made to cater to museum tours and live displays of ancient hardware. Here, we shall have lunch at the local restaurant - all paid for of course - and when we are done with lunch, we will go to the gift shop! Each of you will be given a few bucks to spend on something meaningful to take home to show your parents. But do NOT forget we are still on school time, and there WILL be a pop quiz on this subject next week!"

"Understood, Mr Thomas!" They all replied.

"Fantastic! Now, LUNCH!" he yelled, and led the gaggle of giggling girls to the restaurant as the train geared up to turn around for the return trip.

The Committee stared in horror and awe at the folder I had handed them. Their expressions changed from mildly dismissive to 'God help us' in the space of a few minutes. Humanity's Great Secret had finally been revealed. Every species in the galaxy has their Great Secret. The reason behind uncanny luck, an evolutionary secret leading to specific brain patterns for ideal tactics. The kind of greed that leads to economies that can overwhelm nations without ever firing a shot. A heartbeat that can be detected miles away because of its patterns or feet with nerves and stimulators that can detect prey from hundreds of feet beyond normal. Every species had their special secret to their success, either in terms of evolution, or in terms of the society they built.

Humans were no exception... But if only it was just that. A Deathworld, Class 2, no small feat to survive on something like that, and an even greater feat to survive past planetary colonisation, pre-unification conflicts and so much more. Humans weren't above the norm by any means by evolution or civilization, in fact they had so much in common with the rest of the galaxy they were barely noticed for almost a decade. A full ten years of us living in effective ignorance of their capabilities and true nature. By all circumstances, every race had their quirks, but these humans were so far out of the norm it boggled the mind. 

To the point where one would actually try to understand what the word 'boggle' even meant in the first place.

The Saranai were busy with other things, and so it took them ten years to find out what was going on... If only we pressured them to do it sooner we would have pressed the advantage... or negotiated surrender... or shat ourselves. Or let the galaxy's cults overwhelm them and walk in the open door when nobody was looking. All it took was one diplomat to see a human face to face, and realize just how close to oblivion we all are.

"Is this real?" The Chairman asked, her scaly eyes glaring at me.

"As real as it gets, My Chairman. We all know the Saranai. They only lie when we ask them to. I got the last pieces of information I needed... Seems humanity lives under some very... Unique circumstances." I remarked frankly.

"That... is putting it mildly... Not only are they within the border of a Dark Zone in the galaxy, it seems this particular area has some... interesting history." A Board member remarked.

"'Interesting history' is a very uncreative way of saying they live in what is essentially an eldritch graveyard Boardsman Kaltho. That damn planet of theirs must have been active for millions of years with what the humans have going for them. Alone they are too... Average... to even be considered competition. But THIS? This puts them leagues above anyone else." The Chairman replied with an angry scowl.

"The reports from the Saranai are... terrifying. I actually recognise some of the names from galactic literature and ancient scriptures. This is... weird. All in one place!? And so many more we never heard of before." Boardsman Obokoboko remarked as he perused his folder.

"The Saranai are already in the process of negotiating a full term permanent alliance with the humans." I said.

The entire board gasped in shock and glared at me. "You WHAT!?"

"Its because of this... We confirmed it this morning. Its deep in human space, in the human home system on a moon called Io apparently." I said, and used my remote to activate a projector and show a picture for the board.

The board sat in silence for a few moments, stunned into disbelief. "Look at the size of that thing..."

"Indeed. The image you are seeing is apparently one of MANY more. All across human space, you will find at least ONE such place with one such entity. In almost every system. Their homeworld Earth is the biggest culprit of them all. Saranai can't go near the system... Apparently 'there are too many voices speaking at once' and all but the best trained Psionics and Spirit Guides can go anywhere near the planet. Saranai have successfully counted no fewer than two hundred entities present, and at this point, I am agreeing with the Imbakai Councilor on his assessment... Gaia should be reclassified as an entity by itself. I have... Already taken liberties of placing trade and operational restrictions on certain members of the Boards' member species. It was... needed." I said calmly.

"Good... Glad to see someone has a spark of initiative. Just make sure those restrictions do not interfere with quotas or margins. The market cannot sleep." The Chairman said, her face finally showing a smile.

"The Market Cannot Sleep." We all repeated in turn.

"Right... I say first we start drafting trade agreements with the humans. There is STILL a market for this and we MUST get on top of it. If we can become the de facto middleman for all negotiations, we can corner the market for human trade goods and services. No matter how low we make the price, profit is almost guaranteed." Boardsman Thuuuk said.

"Indeed, but... where do we begin?" Chairman replied.

"I have some ideas, if the board will hear them." I said. All present nodded in agreement, having no other recourse at present.

"Very well Cathus, lets hear the plan."

"Thank you, Miss Chairman. First, we must consider the facts. Human goods, trade items and services are of a significantly lower quantity than any goods we make, but of a considerably higher quality. We can manufacture ten times what they can do in half the time they do it. But here's the catch... What they make lasts ten times longer, is ten times more efficient and effective, ten times cheaper and ten times more durable. What they lack in quantity, they make up for in quality. I think I know why, but it can wait for a bit. Their reactors use half the fuel ours do. Their guns hit harder, have longer ranges and are cheaper to maintain but come at the cost of three times the manufacturing time. Their armour plating is also of a considerably higher quality, allowing human made ships to be used almost anywhere.

"Their engines use less fuel, their ships take longer to make and are more expensive, but actively outperform any ship in the galaxy by a country mile. Their medical industry is also ten times what ours is, with better treatments and entire industrial sectors dedicated to effectively mass testing, acquiring and production of almost any new medication. If given incentives, they can find the cure or vaccine to any virus, bacteria or plague we have in a matter of months. Their entertainment industry beats the galaxy at large thirty to one already, and its only been a year since their 'Galnet' system became a public utility. One which we ALL use, and for free no less. So... With all this and so much more in mind, I know how to take advantage of this.

"I fully believe that one way or another the documents I gave you will leak to the public and the frenzy will start. People will pay for quality, and they will pay a premium for it. If my theory is correct, even if we charge two percent commissions and tariffs, we will be rich to the point of absurdity." I said.

I got yelled at for the suggestion of such a low price when the standard going rate was twenty percent, down to a minimum of ten. The Chairman held up her hand, silencing the yelling. "Go on..."

"Thank you Miss Chairman. It is my belief based on presented evidence, Saranai operations reports and many other factors, that humans are the next step to the galaxy's evolution as a whole. Their market goods will skyrocket in demand very soon, and their services will triple in price overnight. We all know what to do, this is second nature to us after all. But I know WHY. Regardless of your personal beliefs in the matter, the humans are some variation of Blessed. By divine spark no less. We should be expecting some... interesting results soon." I said.

"Explain. I'm confused."

"The planet they hail from, evolutionarily speaking, the world known as 'Terra', 'Earth' or 'Gaia' is not a planet at all. Its a graveyard for the corporeal forms of Gods, Old Ones and other such anomalous entities. At first, human behavioural patterns and operations made no sense... Then when I got that report it hit me like a gas bill. Their entire sector is an anomalous zone where Gods go to die. Hence this picture." I said, once again showing the image from Io.

"This, gents of the Board, is an entity the Cavaskanii have always referred to as 'Olkotokh The Cold One' - but humans know him instead as - 'Odin'."

The picture itself was of a creature of massive size, curled up in a foetal position, frozen in the murky depths of the planet Io's core. Clearly, humanoid in form, with a large axe, a horned helmet and various other accessories.

"I shall make it short for the benefit of this meeting. They had so many Gods and Faiths in their thousands of years... this is because the Gods they worshiped actually went to the planet they lived on to lay their corporeal forms to rest. Humans have SO many similarities in their religious texts and ancient legends... It turns out it isn't a coincidence." I displayed some pictures for the Board. These ones of various creatures of myth and legend from human scripture, and side by side pictures of myths and legends from the galaxy at large - all were perfect copies in a different language, in a different style. The Skakandi 'UU'Lkath Grakthan The Great, and the human Yggdrasil The World Serpent. The same entity, just across time and space.

"Suddenly I am starting to get the picture."

"How so?" I asked.

"I have a few humans working for our Foundries and machine facilities. We all know the humans have spread far beyond their homes by now, aside from Saranai and Confederacy Space of course. And I have been receiving some... odd reports from foremen working with them... Suddenly these reports make sense." Councilman Obokoboko replied. We all looked at him confused. "Right, elaborate. These humans seem to have some kind of supernatural connection to the machinery they work with. A particular junction box that NEVER worked, suddenly worked when a human passed by. A beverage machine that had always malfunctioned no matter what we did with it, suddenly worked perfectly after a human randomly got something from it, and has been working perfectly ever since. I always thought these were just odd coincidences...

"Then I saw it for myself. One of the cargo pod drones we use for logistics hauling had been out of order for several months. Technicians had been using every trick in the book to try diagnose the issue with no progress, that cargo drone was just gone. Then, one of the humans, not even a technician, wandered into the hangar, had a short conversation with the mechanics on duty and wandered up to the machine. He smacked it with his hand three times. It just... worked. It sprang to life, fired its engines and went back to its normal cargo supply rout. The human just shrugged, said 'seems to work fine to me' then returned to his office. I had NEVER seen anything like it before." He said.

"This reminds me of a situation with a border world. A human had volunteered to help as a doctors assistant. She had plenty of forma medical training but not so much in terms of non-humans, but I have seen SO many reports of this woman just... inexplicably knowing what was going on with her patients. One guy, had no real visible symptoms, had something similar to Gut Rot. Turns out it wasn't Gut Rot, it was internal bleeding caused by a ruptured carapace mount. He went to ten doctors, they all said Gut rot. This one woman said 'no it isn't' and found what was actually going on, almost as if she had some kind of sense or perception, like she saw something we couldn't." Boardsman Kubiko remarked.

"And also... There seems to be something with humans socially. How is it they have had NO conflicts or wars in the galaxy since their arrival. Everyone just seems to... Just... like them. We have no idea why or how but they have neutral or positive diplomatic relations with nearly every race and empire. For some reason, they are the ONLY species in over ten thousand years of galactic history that has had no conflicts or wars since their arrival. Despite this... they have a frighteningly powerful navy." Ms Chairman said.

"I have seen reconnaissance data from a few scout probes and trader ships... their navy is terrifyingly well armed. And considering the quality of the warships they produce... Terrifying. And that's another thing. Quality. We actually did a perfect comparison of our starship standard armour plating versus theirs. I actually have footage of that. Hold please." Boardsman Thuuuk said and reached for his remote.

The projector started up, and showed a side-by-side video of a human armour plate mounted flat with a laser cannon, a kinetic cannon and a railgun aimed at the plate. First, the Laser. Which pierced through both plates. The difference is the human plate had a much smaller hole, indicating it could take a lot more damage. The cannon was fired next, and the shell pierced through the alien plate, but didn't go through the human armour, leaving a large dent in the metal instead. The railgun was a different case though, the test involved twenty armour plates of the same make and material mounted behind each other with an inch between them. the railgun fired. The slug penetrated through eighteen of the twenty alien plates - but only seven of the human plates.

"That... is impressive." The Chairman said.

"I know! And this was just a baseline material test. It's all exactly the same metal all mined from the same asteroid all with the same manufacturing process! And for some reason... The human made stuff is just so much better than ours. I still can't say why."

"In any case, now we know what we are dealing with... And this is the part that will... Probably get me in front of a firing squad." I said.

They all looked at me with a kind of gaze I knew all too well. "What did you do..." The Chairman asked in a dangerously terrifying tone.

"I sent an infiltration team to various points of the human star systems, disguised as tourists. They collected samples of various anomalous objects we knew of. And uhh… Well." I clicked a button, and showed an image of a so-called 'Dragon' on the screen. A creature which was considered a god in OUR mythology. Specifically, Erdugrad The Cursed God. Whose skeletal remains are buried in a cave on Mars. I then showed a few other slides, depicting side-by-side comparisons of artwork made of him, every one depicting a huge red scaled serpentine beast with fire breath, huge wings and guarding a hoard of treasure.

The board's jaws dropped. Erdugrad was the basis of our entire mythology and the so-called 'First God' depicted in almost all ancient texts as a winged fire breathing serpent that hoards treasure. It was his teachings of Controlled Greed that sent us to the stars in the first place... And his body was now entombed in a grave in the human home system.

"And suddenly it makes sense..." The Chairman said, her voice gaining a certain sneaky tone. "If I am seeing these reports right, humanity is so... exceptionally strange, gifted and psychotically insane... Because they evolved from and live in a region that has been used by anomalous entities and supernatural beings as a graveyard for their Corporeal Forms. Did I about sum this whole nonsense up?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Pretty much. At least that's what I can figure. No other explanation makes any sense, so that's the one I'm going with. There is more evidence to suggest that life on the planet evolved after meteorite impacts and asteroid collisions, so I have a feeling all life on the planet evolved from the shattered remains of a Gods or other entity's corpse that fell to the planet during its early stages. The reason human history, at least in terms of religious development and mythology, is due to what I can only surmise as the planet being the perfect spot to drop off some last minute wisdom or plots and schemes, before crawling into a comfy spot to ascend. At least, that's what I can tell." I replied in earnest.

"Beware them, beware they, creatures of unnatural skill descended from the bones of Gods, those of strong will, of fair deal and of great luck. Fear them not, act with caution, not prowess. For them, for they, the children of broken Gods shall render unto you the teachings of a thousand Gods of War. Beware their deal, but fear not their coin." Boardsman Obokoboko said, quoting a passage of our long abandoned but still remembered scripture.

"WELL that certainly brings it to perspective doesn't it..."

"Are we screwed? I have to ask at this point, should we just sign an alliance deal with them like the Saranai and abandon our franchise rights? Because im not to be the bearer of bad news but if even something as simple as armour plating is better than us, what about consumer goods? What about medical supplies? What about ship crafting? Can we even compete with that market? We are after all apparently dealing with creatures that have been blessed or cursed by supernatural entities. I mean... the armour test. That's a hell of a gap in quality. Eighteen to seven... can we even compete with that?" I asked.

"No we cannot. And from what the Market is telling me, the Imbakai have already started negotiating contracts with a corporation known as Jupiter Drive Yards for the manufacturing of a new starship fleet. So we may be rapidly running out of time. Ms Chairman replied.

"Our only course of action is to start work as fast as possible. Send every diplomat we can get and start doing everything we can to get in their good graces. That's what we do. If we can worm our way into their confidence, act as their middleman for a licensing fee, we can maintain our hold on the market hegemony. We don't have a choice but to kiss their asses until our lips turn black. Get to it!" Ms Chairman barked.

We all saluted and wandered off to do our jobs.

___________________________________________________

Author's note:

humans hail from a region of space populated by dimensional anomalies, all of which are caused by the fact the region humans live in is a graveyard for Gods, Eldritch entities, paranatural forces and anomalous creatures. or something.

this is what the story is *SUPPOSED* to be but... insane fuckery happened... again. and i have been stressed and sick out of my EVERYTHING and this ended up being an incoherent pile of shit. i WILL rewrite this in due time. i just need time to... something. Sorry. i just cant right now but i HAD to get something out there.

in retrospect, probably shouldnt have posted it in the first place but... screw it. I NEEDED to get something out to regain at least some kind of ‘normal’. So here you go, will have something real out soon. Sorry again.

"Great Days and glorious Victory, I am Spifflemonk and welcome back to Fallout new Vegas... we are doing this again from my last hard save because I'm an idiot and wasn't recording properly! So yay... That's... Apparently a thing common to this sphere of work. Forgetting to record. Thankfully I noticed relatively quickly so neither of us missed much. So this episode is all about dealing with the faction known as the Boomers. Why do I have this odd feeling there's some hidden meaning here beyond the game... Anyway..."

Spiff fast travels to the nearest location outside the strip to his next target, Freeside's North gate, and heads towards the objective. On the way he encounters some crazy Brahmin, and earns enough XP to hit Level 14. He assigns all his skill points to Speech, and gains the Ghoulificated Heart Perk.

"Ghoulificated Heart... Angelic Mind shines through the Mojave... Nearby feral ghouls will come t aid me In combat!? Oh... I can see how THAT would be quite useful... Sometimes. Maybe this means they also wont attack? Hope so. I hate those things... Anyway… what was I doing? Oh yes."

Spiff makes it to George and listens to the conversation.

"Hmmm... If I can tell this correctly this scenario was made for the base game, but I have a sprint mod and increased speed due to some technical stuff I think I recall faintly... I should be able to handle this easily. Can just sprint straight through. Make that wager though, that's an easy score of caps."

Spiff visibly shudders.

"Ugh... being this deceitful... Hurts a bit. Hate gambling... But... For the viewers!"

He finishes the conversation with George and with greater ease than the game would have allowed and is stopped by the gate guard with a rocket launcher. Spiff goes for the option of 'I didn't run through all that artillery to answer your stupid questions' choice and smirks a bit at the reply asking whether or not he is human or mutant. He starts talking to Pearl and she keeps mentioning 'savages' in her speeches. This becomes a common theme for the Boomers.

"So these are xenophobic idiots with heavy ordinance? Hmm... Where have I heard that before?"

Screen cuts to a Spiffle edit, showing a news reel from the ongoing war in the outer rim territories. The video is short, maybe fifteen seconds long, and shows a Makkadian invasion fleet attempting to wipe out a Cohort colony world - and failing miserably under the relentless assault of a Terran-Eridani Response fleet.

"These people are... very silly. I don't like them, but they sound... useful so... Meh. Besides... I don't have the ammunition or health pool to deal with an entire faction of explosives wielding idiots. Let's do what Pearl asks."

Spiff finishes the conversation and manages to catch Raquel - the Boomer lieutenant outside the building. Spiffs first task is to kill some bugs.

"Right, so the first task is to kill some bugs. Whatever that means. Loyal first, let's see what he has. Oh... first he has a job for me too. Fix the solar panel array? I can do that. Wasn't that place Helios One a Solar array of some kind? I can get parts there! Now what's this? OH! Speech check passed! Think of it as a trial run for some kind of emitter? Hopefully it will kill all of them and I won't have to spend too much ammo. 'Ant Misbehavin' is the quest name. So ants then?"

He heads to the generator. He gets in and is attacked immediately by fire Ants. With a twist. One gets too close, gets killed, explodes and cripples a leg like he stepped on a landmine.

"OY!!! DID THAT THING EXPLODE WHEN I KILLED IT!? OH COME ON ITS BAD ENOUGH THEY BREATHE FIRE!!!"

Thankfully there aren't that many and the two largest dangers are right at the entrance. After killing the next one he steps back and lets it explode without issue. Spiff grumbles a bit and makes his way down stairs to the ant mound, where he puts the Emitter Array and activates it. A slow motion kill cam tells him he actually did the job.

"Ah! Good! No more bugs hopefully. Now what? Oh yes, the switches."

Spiff goes to the switches and activates the first one... then the game crashes hard, going back to the desktop. It is here for the first time the viewer sees Spiffles Desktop wallpaper, which is the Spifflmonk family in Proper Tea Drinking Attire, having a cup of tea in the living room.

"OH bugger it! Well, I was told it was unstable. I guess that's a thing. Well I do it again it doesn't break like last time. Let's try that again. I won't get my leg broken this time!"

He loads back into the generator from the autosave and makes quick work of the ants until he gets to the third one - and in this case he is simply unlucky and gets a crippled arm and leg in the death explosion.

"OH BUGGER OFF WITH THAT!!!"

Spiff grumbles and uses his Doctors Bags and Stimpaks to heal up before placing the Emitter and activating it. This time he quicksaves before heading to the switches. No crash this time. He finishes the quest by hitting the last switch, restarting the generators and heads back to Raquel.

"Yes creature you are damn right the powers back on! Pain in the ass, and NOT because of the crash it was because of your (Eridani slur) exploding multilegged monsters! What now? Oh yes the Solar Array. Helios One I think. 'Sunshine Boogie' is the quest. But lets head to the Infirmary first. I have a decent Medical skill so I can handle that right off. Have a few med magazines too so this should be easy."

SPiff talks to Argyll, and his face twists into a strange expression of confusion at one of the choices available.

"Tibular nastis pierced the patients anterior traxes-what the HELL!? Well that... one of the oddest sentences I think I have ever read. Not going to do that one because... Well im supposed to help, aren't I and that's marked as a 'lie' so im not going to do that. Lets see... May require an Amputation? Medicine 50 or higher. I have 75 at the moment, easy. YES! remove existing stitches and re-stitch the wounds... Wait? Stitches? What stitches? Hold on a minute."

Spiff tabs out and the screen goes to fan art for a moment, then re-appears with Spiff showing his signature death glare, his skin paler than normal.

"Remind me to NEVER do research on human medical procedures EVER again... EVER. I have saved you the trouble Francine, trust me, never, EVER do what I just did."

The screen flashes with a series of words in Thulanian - Francine's native language - that translates roughly as 'far too late you old fart - never again. How do they SURVIVE THAT SHIT!?'

The next patient requires level 60, swelling and breathing difficulties. turns out its just an allergic reaction to the ant venom. Spiff treats it according to his skills, and visibly resists the urge to search what an 'allergic reaction' is, after just promising not to search things. The last patient seems to have a serious infection which is dealt with easily. He returns to Argyll and hands in the quest. Spiff scoffs at the concept of 'we have a few things to learn from outsiders' and offhandedly says 'stupid bastards' in Eridani before heading to the next quest - the Boomer Museum.

"Museum eh? Not much of a museum. Snow Globe though... I love that! Love me some loot I can take without annoying people. Let's see what this kid has to say."

Spiff listens to the speech, and every time 'savages' or 'ignorant savages' is mentioned, Spiff scoffs in annoyance.

"This little bastard says the word 'savages' with such a harsh tone... He fails to realise he is just as much a savage as anybody else in this wasteland! Stupid creature. So let me get this straight, these guys want to get an airplane, that is a very pretty image by the way, and I have to HELP them be even worse by giving them AIR power? Seriously? House, I hope to God you know what you are doing, but the missile upgrades on those Securitron things will hopefully work in your favour. I hate this place, I need to hurry up with this quest."

Spiff shakes his head in annoyance. Spiff talks to the kid and visibly cringes as he resists the option to use one of the dialogue choices that says 'I guess poor nutrition could explain a lot of your behaviour'. He chooses all the best options available and gains Idolized status. He shrugs and decides to finish the Sunshine Boogie quest first anyway, and fast travels to Helios One. Spiff is then given the quest 'That Lucky Old Sun' and gets visibly irritated with how the places interior is set up. Eventually he finds a way outside to the Arrays. He follows quest markers, salvages each panel and notes how the area is set up.

"This... Is not like any solar array I have ever seen... What the balls is this place? All solar panels are arranged in a circular pattern around a central tower. Hmmm... after this I can figure out what's going on."

He fast travels back to the generators, repairs all the panels in short order, then returns to Loyal. In doing so he encounters the Main Hangar, where the disassembled remains of a now legendary craft - the Boeing B-29 Stratofortress - lay in the hangar. He then returns to Pearl after yelling an Eridani Slur at Loyal's comment, then goes back to Loyal to start the last quest of raising the Bomber.

"These people are SO lucky I don't have the ammunition and medical equipment to put them all down..."

Spiff speaks to Loyal and gets the map location, followed by the objective to get THE most useful piece of equipment in the entire game - the Rebreather. Sadly he doesn't have the parts to repair it. A half hours worth of gameplay follows as Spiff travels to EVERY trader he knows to find the parts he needs, and finally, in an old shack near Goodsprings, he finally finds what he's after and returns to Jack to finish the Rebreather.

"This better be worth it. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to find a (expletive) PRESSURE COOKER!? Hmm... the Rebreather. Can use it to swim underwater indefinitely. oh... Okay that was in fact worth it. Now... Lake Mead."

The closest Fast Travel Point he has is the 188 trading post. Its a bit of a slog to get there, but he gets to the shoreline near Lake Mead, passing through Ranger Station Alpha on the way to the shore. It is here he encounters his first Lakelurk. Odd, humanoid fish people with a Sonic attack.

"WHAT THE FLIPPING FLUFFING FLOOPLE IS THAT THING!?

Spiffs modded rifle makes easy work of a pack of four of them, one landing on its back so Spiff can take a closer look at it.

"Is that some kind of like... FISH person? That's... That's disgusting!"

Spiff stops, looks at the camera and smiles in a VERY cheeky, very jokey way, before resuming the game. Clearly there is some kind of in-joke here, that Francine provides context for in subtitles, informing the viewer of the ongoing friendly rivalry between the Eridani imperium and their long time allies, the Olivarkian Confederacy. Apparently, the rivalry is the equivalent of the ongoing nonsense between the English and the French.

"Now... What's that in the lake? A... floating platform? How did they do this with scrap materials!? People LIVED on this!?"

He quickly dispatches the Lakelurks on the platform and then swims about trying to figure out how it actually works. He stays confused for a bit, gives up, then returns to the quest after coming to no reasonable conclusions, despite the obvious barrels filled with air keeping it above the water.

"Thank you Water Breathing! I can take a closer look at this thing! That is... Smaller than I thought it would be. Hm. Would've thought this would be a LOT larger considering how humans work, but I guess its a game thing? Anyway... Where do I use the ballast? Oh, under the wings next to the fuselage. Right..."

He does as needed then heads to the nearby docks where his character starts beeping. At first Spiff panics because that sounds like the landmine beep, and he sprints away waiting for an explosion. After nothing happens, he checks his quest log and equips Loyal's detonator. It beeps louder and a muffled explosion is heard. Then the ancient B-29 floats to the surface and bursts out the water in a lovely display. Spiffles' jubilation is cut short as he cannot fast travel. He quickly learns what the culprit is as he is attacked by one of the game's most hated enemies - the Cazador. A mutated wasp-like insect.

"TOO MANY LEGS TOO MANY WINGS WHY AM I POISONED GET AWAAAAAYYY!!"

Spiff is swarmed, manages to kill all the Cazadors, thankfully small ones, but fails to heal enough to survive the poison, and dies. He glares at the game over screen, accusingly points a finger at the camera.

"Don't you judge me! Those things are HORRIBLE!"

Spiff, thankfully, had the foresight to quicksave on the floating platform, and goes through the sequence again, this time taking no chances and wiping out the Cazador swarm before it can get close enough to cause any damage. He fast travels back to Loyal and hands in the quest. The experience gives him enough to get to level 15, and he chooses the Light Step perk.

"Ohh… Not setting off mines and traps, especially when I move about this fast would be an absolutely invaluable skill to have! taking that one. Now... Hand it in to House. Next stop, the Strip."

Spiff heads to the Lucky 38 and hands in the quest, receiving the next one in turn. This time, dealing with the Omertas who are apparently planning mischief. He ignores this quest and instead goes for 'That Lucky old Sun’, and heads to Helios One to figure out what the hell it even is and quickly stands face to face with Mr Fantastic - the 'idiot with the sunglasses' who is apparently in charge of the project.

"Seriously? The NCR hired THIS guy? No wonder they're losing if this is the quality they ask for... Is there anyone competent here?"

Indeed there is, one of the Followers is in the next room, Ignacio Rivas.

"Interest in this place? Scientific. I want to know what the hell it even is. Speech Check... Followers of The Apocalypse huh? Hmm... Hidden dangers eh? Sounds about normal. ARCHIMEDES eh? Sounds fishy. There's a security system that I have to go through then? Oh dear... I hope I have enough ammo for this."

He finishes the chat and heads outside into the back yard. The first terminal is covered in traps, mines and other things, and Spiff's new perk allows him to easily disarm and clear out all of it. After activating the terminal and resetting the Mainframe Connection, he heads for the next, clears out the feral dogs using it as a den, then does the same to the second terminal. Spiff heads into the tower, and has his first encounter with a Sentry Bot, and its more disturbing counterpart - the Robobrain.

He enters a room and is attacked by Turrets, easily dispatching them. The Robobrain attacks next, and is put down with relative ease although he uses a LOT of ammo for it. He approaches the edge of the railing and narrowly avoids taking a missile to the face, suffering a crippled head from the explosion. He quickly retreats and heals up.

"What in the BALLS was that!? Was that a rocket or something? I can't see!"

Once back to health, spiff returns and uses VATS to look at his target. Indeed, it's a Sentry Bot, and an angry one at that. Spiff uses sixty rounds to try to destroy it, it barely scratches it.

"I don't have ammunition for this! Do I have anything that can work here? Uhh… I have a Pulse Grenade? Will that work?"

He equips it, noting how he only has two, and tosses it at the enemy. The killcam appears and captures in beautiful slow motion the grenades electromagnetic detonation, and the Sentry bots destruction in one shot.

"Oh! Well damn! I need more of those then... Pulse Grenades eh? Must be some kind of EMP bomb or something. Humans do use those although... not so big. Now what's this?"

Spiff approaches the Robobrain and turns pale as he sees a human brain floating in goop inside a dome, attached to a tracked robotic body. And now he understands why it was called a Robobrain.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-"

Francine cuts and censors a short expletive laden rant of terrified disgust, as the wiki page for the Robobrain is displayed on screen, with the detail that the actual brains of convicts and test subjects were removed from their hosts and placed into Robobrain chassis as the CPU for the robots. The screen returns to Spiff as he resumes his search in the tower. He is visibly upset but carries on. He takes a close look at the sentrybot.

"I like this one. It doesn't have a human brain in it. I like this one more than I hate the other one. We go."

He visibly shudders in disgust as he resumes exploring. He enters an underground tunnel system and turns right instead of left. He collects some loot from a safe, before turning around.

"Lethal Force Authorized." Is all he hears before receiving a rocket to the face, leaving him with exactly 7 HP. He squeals in terror, panics and runs back to heal up with everything he can find, hiding in an upstairs closet.

He equips his last Pulse Grenade and utters an Eridani prayer before returning, throwing the grenade into the tunnel where the Sentry bot is standing and hopes. It kills the bot in one shot. It was a lucky critical hit. He breathes deep, saying nothing about the event but moves on and encounters his first Mister Gusty. Thankfully this one isn't nearly as hard as the others, and is finished off in short order. He gets up to the Observation level, and barely has what he needs to fix the broken generator there by one point. He sets the output to Full Region, and heads outside to finish up. He notices the sky is black.

"Oh for God's sake! Wait a few hours, to morning. Sigh."

He waits until after 9 AM, then activates the panel. There's a grinding, whining noises, before the screen goes white from the sun now glaring at the central tower. All the solar panels are also mirror reflectors. And they all aimed at where Spiff was standing.

"MY EYES!!!"

Francine lowers the brightness in editing to spare the viewers the same suffering, and Spiff slowly gets back to normal, blinking rapidly.

"Ohhh… why didn't I see that coming? Oh that's because IT MADE ME BLIND! Oh gods... I hope there aren't more encounters like that. Bright flashes on the BIG screen... that actually hurt!"

Spiff groans and makes his way back up to the tower to Ignacio and hands in the quest before heading back to the Strip and Entering Gomorrah.

"So that thing uses a mirror array of solar panels to not only generate power but also aim the solar energy at a central tower to do... Something? I guess I'll ask about it later. For now... Gomorrah. Now... Keep holdout weapons... I will certainly need them. And here we go. Calling in for outstanding balance. What are they up to? Find Cachino. Okay."

Spiff goes to the marker, finds Cachino, and as per script, he has nothing to say. A smirk appears on Spiffles face as he quicksaves, then pickpockets Cachino to gain his Journal, then gets 400 caps as blackmail to get it back.

"Hehehe why is this Quicksave thing so easy to exploi-hold on a second..."

The most TRULY EVIL smirk crosses Spiffles lips, his face contorting into something genuinely distressing as he quickly tabs out of the game to look something up. Sure enough, Francine edits in what he's up to and we see Spiff look up how to spawn in items using the console, and looks specifically for the mini-nukes and the unique Gun Runners Arsenal DLC weapon, 'Esther'. Spiff gets all he needs from Cachino, then makes a hard save for the game in its own slot. He glares at the camera, still maintaining that sinister, disturbingly evil smirk.

"Later... Much later. Hehehehe."

Spiffs smile doesn't falter as he first tracks down Clanden in The Suites. Spiff talks to him, gets nothing of value from him and smiles again, in that unnerving way. He quicksaves, pulls out Maria and kills Clanden with a sneak attack critical, blowing his head clean off without alerting the guards.

"Almost too easy to be honest. Hmm. I will only abuse this when it is funny."

He chuckles and searches Clanden's room for answers. And the smile is instantly wiped off Spiff's face when he notices how much blood there is in almost every room.

"Well... Why is there so much blood down here? I... Don't actually think I want to know. Let's just go. To Lower Brimstone."

Spiff goes there and finds Troike with the Zaora Club key taken from Clanden's corpse, and after a short conversation, has some Thermite Powder and his next objective.

"Okay so Thermite. What is Thermite? Oh... I have that question right here. Thermite is a mix of rust and aluminium dust. Add heat, and gives off enough heat in response to melt through almost anything. That's... Terrifying. Why would you even have something like that? No seriously humans, what would you do with that!?"

Francine cuts to a short montage to Benny Hill music, showing pictures and articles of the deployment of ship mounted Thermite Cannons, Thermite Tank Shells, Incendiary AP rockets, Thermite grenades and Thermite Bunker Buster bombs. The camera returns and shows the evil smirk has been very much wiped off Spiff's face. He goes downstairs to the basement level, finds the gun room and first, loot goblins a bit before placing the red powder and closing the door behind him. He flips the light switch, accomplishing the objective but getting blinded by the flash of light yet again.

"MY EYES!!! WHY!?!?"

It takes Spiff a bit longer to recover this time and he glares at the camera in annoyance before returning to Cachino. The objective is to kill Big Sal and Nero, the two bosses of the Omertas. He follows Cachino and pulls out a rifle as soon as he sees the two targets, and uses VATS to slaughter both of them before they can do anything further. For some reason he gains reputation among The Strip and levels up to level 17. He puts all points to Speech, maxing it out while also getting the Tag! perk, and using it to get his Sneak skill to 75.

"Well that ended nicely. Back to House I suppose. Terminal hm? What's in here? Oh. A Safe. Lovely. what else is - Oh my! Two new unique Guns. The Enforcer and... Phallic Firearm... Seriously? It's a pink gun."

Francine helpfully puts up a picture of the real life equivalent - a 5.56 Ruger Assault rifle.

"Lovely. Will test that out later. Now, to House."

Spiff heads back to the lucky 38 and hands in the Quest. He is then given the next phase of the plan, and is told to deal with the Brotherhood of Steel's remaining chapter in the Mojave.

"Well... I guess I'm testing out my new guns! I have to get more ammo though. I don't feel like dealing with more Boomers who say 'savage' and stupid stuff when they are worse than the people they kill. Not doing that again. In any case, I would say that's good for this one. See you again soon!"

Spiffs Outro plays to a montage of fan art.

TOP COMMENT: (Translated from Olivarkid) "Sneaky land dweller. I saw that!"

Spiffs Reply: "I know. hehehe :)"

Comment: (translated from Eridani) "So we aren't going to talk about the blood everywhere, the Thermite stuff, the robobrain, and the implications of a place called Gomorrah with décor like THAT?"

Spiffs reply: "NO. NO WE ARE NOT."

Reply: (translated from Olivarkid) "I have to Agree with Spiff on this one."

We stood ready to fight back, all as one, for the first time in history since they arrived. A fleet of five thousand warships stood ready the hyperlane to the nearest star system controlled by them. The Great Enemy. The monsters who had been plaguing us for over a decade now, finally, everyone recognised the threat they posed, and we were finally ready to enact swift vengeance on them, with many more fleets being built behind our lines. This was our stand, and likely for the only time in history, we were going to work as one to beat The Machine.

It all came down to this. Colonies wiped out. Families and loved ones subjected to miserable torture and experimentation. Entire planets turned into irradiated craters, entire warship fleets reduced to slag and whole colonies turned to killing grounds beyond horror. It all came down to this. A war fleet of seventy thousand ships, all ready for the last fight we will ever have. The objective, strike deep into the Machines heart, silence the Core and end this once and for all. If we failed, perish the thought, the Machines would face the galaxy uncontested.

"Final checks! All ships charge hyperdrives!" The radio barked at us.

I nodded to my pilot and felt my ship's reactor shudder to full power. "This is it... It finally ends." I said.

A few tense moments passed. "READY!!! ENGAGE!!" the radio commanded.

My pilot responded faster than I did. In an instant we were among the stellar dust in the incomprehensible insanity that was hyperspace. Thousands of ships flanking us at every angle, frigates, corvettes, large fighters, dreadnoughts and every ship in between. On one hand, this would be the most glorious battle of my career. On the other hand, it would be the last we fought if it went wrong. We were all counting on sound tactics and good strategy. Every brilliant military mind in the galaxy had been gathered for this, and we were ready for anything. Reality slipped back into view and the first of ten machine worlds warped into view. We gave them no time to react.

"OPEN FIRE!!!" I yelled to my ships gunners, and seconds later the nearest Machine ship was engulfed in a blast of laser fire.

Before I could give the order, the rest of the fleet engaged with a fury I had never before witnessed. The machine ships were being vaporized and slagged faster than we could have hoped or wished for, and before long, a massive explosion erupted from the middle of the Machines fleet as the dreadnought they had stationed here went nova. It took out even more of the Machines fleet and we simply just kept firing, engines to full hitting everything we could as we charged through the system. We had no time to count our ships as we barged through their defences which seemed to melt under the sheer onslaught.

We made it to the exit hyperlane to the next target and found the next system undefended save for a few small outposts. We ignored it, pressing our advantage and kept going. Engines full, just keep going. We had one chance to end this once and for all. Ships from the fleet formed up and followed us, pressing the advantage, including a few dreadnoughts. The next system wasn't so easy, but we specifically had orders. My part of the fleet was to punch as deep as we could as fast as we could, separate their defences and kill what we could to plough the way forward for the rest of the fleet and report back what we found. One of the computer worlds, an entire planet converted to machine processing was beneath us, and it wasn't something we could ignore.

"BREAK OFF AND DEPLOY ATOMICS!" I commanded, readying the deployment of one of the five atomic missiles my ship had. My ship, along with my part of the fleet, changed direction and burned for the planet's surface. When my ensign said all ships were aligned and in range, I gave the order to fire.

A streak of missile smoke of every colour in the spectrum streaked past us. I had no time to respond or watch, the sheer number would be enough to glass the planet and do enough damage, and even if only half of those missiles failed to hit, it would be more than enough. I barked orders to turn and head for the next system and my ships picked off a few smaller targets on the way through. My fleet's gunners all deserved commendations, as we were moving at absurd speeds and they were STILL hitting every target they aimed at. It filled me with greater pride than fear.

the next system was undefended, save a few automated platforms that I ignored as they were floating out of our range. I accepted a few losses and pressed on, knowing the battleships would be able to finish them off when passing through. The fleet moved through the next system and we were in for it now.

"EVASIVE ACTION!! FLANK SPEED TO STARBOARD!" I commanded.

The fleet followed my orders, and we passed through a formation of enemy warships that were presumably heading to reinforce the previous systems. I yelled orders and commands as best I could through the chaos as the fleet opened fire and slipped through the openings between the Machines ships, a few ships not able to evade in time and ending up slamming into the machines fleet. Unfortunate losses, but we all knew what we were getting into and thankfully they took the Machines ships with them. The strategy was to slip through, then turn and fire on their rears and engines, do as much damage as we could get away with, then burn for the next system, hoping we did enough damage for the dreadnoughts behind us to finish them off with little effort.

The fleet moved into firing range and started shooting. It was here I noticed something odd. The Machine ships engines were cold, flameless and were not moving. Almost as if they were not reacting to our presence. Almost as if they weren't there. I didn't care, and ordered focused fire just as a flight of battleships entered the system and started to obliterate the defending fleet. I barked orders that reinforcements were here and to press the advantage, and within minutes the Machine ships had been wiped out.

"That was... Too easy. Something's going on here..." I idly said. "Meaningless! If they won't fight back then who cares, they've done worse to us a thousand times over! Fleet form up! Ready drives to the next system!" I barked over the comm.

My fleet and two other fleets flew with us to the next system and as we started jump procedures, the rest of the fleet arrived. In far greater numbers than we could have expected. I was fully expecting half of our fleet to have been wiped out by now. Something in my gut was telling me something was off about this scenario, but I couldn't think about it now. I had a job to do. I had my orders, if the next system was occupied, blast through any fleet we find and head straight for the next hyperlane. Let the enemy chase us, give the time for larger ships to come behind us and hit the enemy ships from behind.

We jumped into the system and my instincts kicked in. My brain recognized Machine Ships. Engines cold, shields offline, floating in empty space. No reaction to our presence of any kind. I shook my head, snapping myself out of it and pressed our advantage, taking out several dozen ships on our way. We flew past the local garrison and to the edge of the star system. I could hear radio chatter by now, ships starting to question why this was so easy, then being yelled at to not look good fortune in the face. I quickly took the chance to check our fleet composition.

We had lost less than two percent of our fleet, and most was due to accidents, traffic or simple stupidity. Something was definitely wrong, but it was in our favour. So I ordered the fleet to the next system and encountered no hostiles yet again, the space almost undefended. We ignored the strange feeling in our minds and kept going, the last system one final jump away.

The feeling quickly vanished as we entered the last system and my fleet narrowly avoided colliding with an enemy Dreadnought. This was it. This was the fight. We managed to move out of the beast's way and I ordered the fleet to scatter. I looked in front of us. Between us and the Core, there was a fleet of two hundred dreadnoughts, and among them, TEN Machine Titans all armed with enough firepower to wipe out our fleet. the crew looked to me for leadership. I stood from my chair, drew my sabre and gave the order to charge the titans with our Atomics, then face what fate demanded of us.

"FOR ELARIA!!!!" I yelled, receiving a glorious chorus in response as the fleet quickly turned to engage.

The missiles streaked through the empty void towards our targets. If even one made it through I would consider it a victory, it would do nothing compared to the ships it impacted, but it was something. And at this point, something was all we needed.

Ten seconds. fifteen. Twenty. The enemy ships just stood there. Thirty seconds. The missiles were in range of the point defence. Nothing. Forty seconds. Impact. The light of a thousand suns blinded the fleet and we watched as every single missile we fired hit its intended target. half the enemy was vaporized by the sheer force of the mass detonation of several thousand nuclear weapons, and the other half was surely disabled by the EMP Impulse. I ordered the cavalry charge and we attacked the enemy fleet with everything we had, I ordered half of my ships to slip past and fire every Atomic they had at the Core World which was right past them.

They never fire back. No shields, no orders, nothing. They just sat there and took it, as if there wasn't anything there to command the ships. They were just dead in the void. But we didn't know if these things would activate later, so we just kept firing, kept fighting, and as more of the fleet arrived, more of the Enemy warships were turned to wreckage. We finished the job and quickly headed to the last stand. The Core World. The jump completed and I instantly heard the sound of celebration coming from the radio.

A tear fell from my eye, I dropped the Sabre and fell to my knees in happiness as I saw the Core World, the Origin point of the last decade of miserable death was shattered in half, pieces of the Machine World floating in the void. Every superstructure from Dyson Spheres to Ringworlds were all destroyed, shattered or seemingly offline somehow.

I sniffed and sobbed, managing to squeal "VICTORY!!!" before collapsing back into my Captains chair and finally releasing the last decades worth of emotion.

We all celebrated the end of it all. It didn't matter how this happened or how we got here, it was over and it was all we cared about. The sounds of celebration saturated our radios as more of the fleet filtered in to the star system, and likewise began to celebrate the end of the darkest period in galactic history. Billions of lives finally avenged, and two whole civilisations finally put to rest with just vengeance. I stepped around my ship as more of the fleet wandered in, the Dreadnoughts choosing not to waste their effort and destroying what ships looked like they could even remotely pose a threat, the crowds in ships yelled in joy at the impressive explosive display.

I helped myself to my Sergeants bottle of Wadrot while they sang and celebrated in my own way. But, before I could become intoxicated - I saw it.

A small ship, not of the Machines design or make quietly slipping through the Machines wreckage heading to one of the systems far Hyperlanes. But my God what a ship it was. It looked less like an active warship, and more like a floating Cathedral or church of some kind, armed to the absolute as one would expect, but it was too... pretty to be a warship. At least to my eyes. I quickly moved to one of the consoles and performed a short scan of it. It seemed to notice and stopped, turning to face the fleet. I scanned it again, using a more sophisticated method. This seemed to spook it or something as it quickly retreated out of the system.

"ALL HANDS TO STATIONS! Ahead flank to Hyperlane position Number Seven, Vector Six!" I barked.

My crew all snapped to attention, some already intoxicated but not enough to not do their jobs. I sat back in my chair and groaned as the ships engines spooled up and roared to life. Several ships nearby spotted our sudden manoeuvre and followed us, two battleships, a missile ship and one of the dreadnoughts roared behind us. This was effectively uncharted territory and we were doing it slightly drunk. I got to where the unknown ship was sitting and noticed one of the Machine ships had part of its structure partially removed by salvagers.

"That's... They were salvaging the ship? But how could they..." I said, wondering aloud how an entire section of a Machine cruiser was carefully cut out. "I knew something was wrong... That battle was far too easy! Are they responsible for this somehow?"

"My Lord?"

"Engage hyperdrive, follow the new lane. Shields to double front, I want NO chances!" I commanded.

"Aye Ser!"

My orders were followed and once again we found ourselves in the strange world of hyperspace as the universe slipped past us. We appeared in the system and I spotted the ship once again, almost immediately picking it out from the chunks of starship floating about. It was actively towing pieces of wreckage and machinery, and entire Machine ships were being systematically disassembled. I ordered full scans just as the ships behind us showed up and started trying to figure out what was going on. And soon enough, I got the scans I needed and the new ship was put on display in front of me.

What a beautiful work of art it was. Sharp spires, handcrafted artworks and carvings in the metal hull, a grey base coat of paint with trim of gold, silver and purple. The ship resembled a holy temple more than a warship, but the number of heavy cannons that saturated its surface belied that ideal. By now, the rest of the ships that followed us had noticed the odd ship and were likewise taking riskier scans, more detailed scans, and of course, we were almost immediately spotted as it rapidly turned to face us.

A bright light appeared above one of the spires.

"My lord! Multiple Hyperdrive signatures detected!" My nav officer yelled

Before I could give any orders, twenty more of these ships, still very small compared to ours, suddenly appeared in formation with it. Each one elaborately decorated, beautifully crafted and armed to the teeth with primitive but still devastating weaponry.

"They are hailing us! Should I risk putting them through?" My ensign asked.

"We have just fought a war and I have NO intention of starting another one, even if I know we can win just by breathing on them. Accept the hail, give the translation system time to operate. Inform the rest of the fleet, we have First Contact!" I commanded.

"Aye ser!"

We waited for a few moments before the hail went through. And sure enough, a creature I had never seen before appeared on my monitor, face to face. Two front facing eyes suggesting predatory species, omnivores considering the teeth, small tuft of hair atop head and various other odd features. Very odd things, these creatures. This one seemed to be a male, Mammalian apparently. A rare sight in the galaxy at large.

"Well... That's... Something. Hello? I guess?" He said.

"Can you understand me?" I asked.

"Yeah I can. What uhh… What are you doing here? Nothing bad I hope." He replied, shuffling nervously.

"What the hell are you doing so close to the Machine Core World?" I said. It hadn't crossed my mind they might have just been scavengers taking advantage of the battle, but what scavengers deploy ships like THAT?

"Salvaging derelicts for resources and tech. Isn't that what you're doing too? We can share man, plenty to go around you know." He said dismissively with a shrug of his shoulders.

"We are here to get rid of the Machine threat that has been plaguing us for almost a decade now. Surely you must have lost a few colonies by now, SURELY you know how bad the machines are!" I barked angrily, annoyed at his seeming ignorance.

"Woah! Calm down man! Look, we don't know anything about some grand undertaking or whatever you're at, we just started picking apart the wreckage when the robo-fleets started short circuiting or something. We actually don't know what happened. One day they showed up and did some whole 'we're gonna exterminate you' shtick, then they spoke with some dude and then they just started... switching off. I actually don't know what happened." He said.

This fried my brain. I blinked, my tired mind trying to process what was going on. "I'm sorry... What did you say?"

"Uhh… hold on. Let me see if I can... Does anybody know where the reel for the FC is? Oh, thank you. Hold on a second. Here, it's a newsreel, footage from the actual event. I can transmit it through the comm. Give me a second." he said.

The monitor changed to a scene we all knew too well. The Machine always contacted its victims, placed 'judgement' on them, and then declared its intent to wipe out all life. The human responding asked why. It simply repeated its statement to exterminate.

The human then asked politely if it wouldn't do that.

The machine then seemed to stop to think in response to that request.

The human politely asked it again if it would be so kind as to not do that.

It seemed to short circuit as its vocal system malfunctioned.

The human then showed CONCERN, and again politely asked it if it was okay, or needed help as it appeared to be in distress.

The Machine then fully went berserk and seemed to suffer a catastrophic system failure, babbling incoherent nonsense, before shutting itself down.

"What... the... Hell?" I said. I had no words for this. I had no brainpower to process this. Did I just hear and see all this as I just saw it?

"Your guess is as good as mine mate. We have no idea what happened. The robo-thing just spoke to that guy, who said polite things and I guess it just... switched off? I have no idea. We've been trying to salvage some datacores and stuff to see if we can find answers but most of the datacores have been fried. It's almost like the machines performed a 'self lobotomy' of some kind like we gave them a hidden command or... something? Hell I don't know. We are just as in the dark as you are man." He replied with a shrug.

"Okay... How long ago was this?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Date on the newsreel, sets it two months ago."

"MOTHERF-" I yelled a series of rather vile expletives in my native tongue, I think I can be thankful the translators didn't get those ones.

"Uhhh… Sir, are you okay? You seem a bit stressed." He asked.

"I AM STRESSED!!!" I bellowed angrily. I stopped, regained my composure and took a deep breath. "Okay... Let me get this correctly. Two months ago the Machines came to exterminate your species like they do all others. You... politely asked them not to. And this confused them somehow and you accidentally gave them a universal shutdown command?" I asked.

He looked around, presumably at his subordinates, and shrugged. "I.... Guess so? I dunno, man. We have a thing with some of our mechanoids and drones and stuff. Voice shutdown commands. Maybe the creators of the Machine guys put in the same command and forgot about it until it was too late?"

The frustration and absurdity finally got to me and I started slamming my head into my chair. "OH COME ON!!!"

"Are you okay? Seriously do I need to see if I can send a medical retrieval team or something, you really need to not hurt yourself like that. It's not healthy." He said.

"Okay... Now if I can figure this situation correctly, you just politely asked the Machines to NOT kill you all. Correct?" I asked.

"Far as I can tell, I wasn't there man, but yeah."

"And through this politeness, you somehow managed to access a hidden command, or series of pass phrases that somehow managed to disable an empire of machines that had been SLAUGHTERING half the galaxy for over a decade?" I said.

He finally gained some form of a serious expression from the context I just mentioned. Finally I had his attention. "Well... uhh… I don't... When you put it like that..."

"So what you are telling me - HUMAN - is that YOUR species, through sheer DUMB LUCK AND MANNERS, has just saved the galaxy from EXTINCTION, just because you said please and thank you?!" I barked, my green skin visibly turning a paler shade from pure rage.

He nervously shuffled and chuckled even more nervously. "Well I uh... I don't know the full story here but... uhh... We have found a few datacores that are partially intact but haven't sorted through them yet. Do you uh... Do you want them? I mean you've been dealing with these machines longer than we have so maybe you can figure it out?" He said.

I took a deep, frustrated breath. "That would be lovely, thank you. I will send a shuttle retrieval team to collect the cores. Please have them waiting." I said, unable to even think from pure anger.

He nervously shuffled again and started ordering the people around him about. "Uhh... We uh... We aren't like... in trouble or anything are we? Are you like, going to declare war on us or something?"

"That depends on just how stupid this all turns out to be, but in the grand scheme of things I think no. Maybe we will leave you alone and seethe for a while before coming back to start diplomatic talks. I'm too irritated right now to think. And also mildly drunk. Please excuse me." I said, and cut the broadcast.

I sat there with my head in my hands and wondered what kind of stupid trick the Gods were playing on us.

The humans handed over the datacores and sure enough there was salvageable data. We returned it to the homeworlds for analysis, and we found it. The human who first spoke to the Machine did so in a language strangely similar to the Machines programming Code, and by sheer coincidence, dumb luck, or poor programming, or all of the above, the Machines shutdown code closely resembled that languages words for 'please and thank you' or some variant of it. The Machines had changed their code base so many times through natural adaptation, that the shutdown didn't cause a full switch off, it actually corrupted the code beyond recovery and wiped its own systems. A form of accidental self lobotomy if you will.

It changed its codebase to such an extent that its own shutdown code became confused, muddled, and mixed in with other system commands and core circuitry, its thousands of yeast of learning and AI self programming, inherited from its apparently incompetent creators, tried desperately to undo the command it was accidentally given. Because its programming was so muddled, it instead overloaded its processors and began to purge its own system data to attempt a recovery. And it effectively deleted its core code base in the process.

All because of politeness, and a strange, almost embarrassing coincidence. When I sobered up and calmed down from my blistering rage, we all came to the conclusion that the war was over, and the machines were gone. One way or another, do we really care? The universal answer was no. And so, with Humanity now known to the galaxy, an existential threat completely wiped out because of them, and a debt we couldn't hope to repay now over our heads, we started talks with the humans.

As expected, they were VERY polite about it.

The Council stood to attention waiting for their moment. The Vakaddian Councillor stood in his podium, his expression one of pure smugness. He had gotten away with this before. He will again. He wasn't the only one. These proceedings were so... liquid, one could bullcrap one's way into or out of almost anything given enough bribes or lies. For 'tis the way, as has been for over two centuries. I however was somewhat sceptical. Something about this news even had me worried. Something in the back of my head was nagging me, telling me that something was wrong. It's okay though... We had our own issues with the Vakkadians, this was an opportunity we couldn't afford to miss, so I fully intended to take advantage.

Councillor Amabara, the Head Chairman of our loosely based confederacy took the stand and slammed his gavel, silencing the council's low rumble of discussion.

"ORDER! I call this tribunal to order!" He yelled and shut everyone up. "Thank you gentlemen for joining us. I call for the Vakkadian Ambassador to explain his empire's actions over these last three months. The Vakkadian Imperium has the stand."

The Ambassador's podium hovered to life and left its charging station, floating to prominence in view of all assembled. As per usual... The ego stroking had to start first.

"Brothers and sisters of the Confederacy, I call this Tribunal to be a sham!" He barked. The crowd gasped. I smirked.

"Oh so he's trying that angle is he?" I idly said.

"We are the mighty Vakkadians, our empire stood many centuries before the rise of this council, and what we did was little more than what we have always done. You said nothing when the Bakarii attacked the Synn'd. you said nothing when the Pakarn attacked and assimilated the Parakai. Why exactly are we facing consequences, for what everyone else on this council has done a dozen times over? I call for dismissal based on discrimination. There is NO reason we should be here!" He yelled, receiving a jubilant roar of agreement from some, a poignant yell of rejection from others. And a yawn of boredom from me.

"I knew he would play that card..." My cohort said behind me.

"Indeed. They usually do. Surprising though... I thought there would be more anger at this one." I replied calmly.

"SILENCE!!" Amabara yelled, and the crowd obeyed. "This council has not been called to answer for yet another assault on a primitive world. We understand this has been done a dozen times over, it has been a tradition of this council since its inception, with certain limitations of course, that primitives are fair game."

"Then why are we here!? Why waste our time like this? The Cassaraki obliterated the Moko Homeworld a decade ago and the worst they got was a fine! Sure it was extortionate, but they never faced this." The Ambassador snapped back.

This was our turn. A chance for some payback for the one-sided trade deals these scumbags have forced on us over the years. I activated my podium and stood up to present my case. The Chairman saw me and noted it. "The Chair recognises the honourable delegates of the Saranai Federation. Do you have evidence to present to this council?"

"We have more than evidence. One of our cloaked cruisers was already in that system when they arrived." I replied in kind.

"And are you aware that the system in question is a part of the Darksite Pact? And entry is forbidden by anyone and everyone? Are you aware that being in that star system is as much a crime as what the Vakkadians did?" The Chairman asked.

"Yes we know, we have an excuse. The local gas giants were a source of fuel after we had some minor technical difficulties. We entered the system, started repairs and kept as quiet as possible as per standard regulation while we refuelled and repaired the damage. I have all the logs right here and we are prepared to pay any fines levied." I replied in kind with a smug smile.

I pressed a button and sent the report to the Chairman. After a quick read, he sighed. "Alright... The evidence presented is acceptable and I see no reason to levy criminal proceedings. However, entry into the Darksites Pact systems is unforgivable under all circumstances. I levy a fine of point seven percent trade tariffs against the Saranai for the next two fiscal years. Payment on time until the end of date. Understand?."

I smiled. Cheaper than I thought it would be. "Perfectly, we accept the terms."

"Then pray tell, what evidence are you here to present?" He asked.

"Im here to show the council the recording we got of the Vakkadian imperium losing their entire Fifth Fleet!" I said, barely able to hide my happiness.

"SLANDER! We did no such thing! The war we fought over that stupid rock was an overwhelming victory! We had no reason to stay. We had what we wanted and we left, simple as. Sure we faced losses, but that's normal in warfare, especially with primitives. Stupid creatures they may be but they still kill when they get the chance like any other." The ambassador yelled in response.

I just laughed, an all too smug, all too satisfied laugh as I pressed a button and showed a short video. It was a video of the Vakkadian Fleet being assailed by primitive rockets, missiles and boarding pods, ships exploding left and right, random detonations, most from the locals of course, but too many to be reasonable from the Vakkadians.

"By our estimation, the Vakkadian Imperium suffered the loss of no less than SIXTY PERCENT of the total force sent to this planet. It was... quite funny to watch." I said.

"You watch your tongue Saranai. Be calm or be our next target."

"We have an empire two thousand years your senior whelp! We've perfected fleet warfare and outnumber you twenty to one, we DARE your pitiful empire to touch us!" I barked back.

He half heartedly shrunk in his seat and deflected. "What I am saying is, these primitives were significantly more aggressive than we expected. Projections showed that we would win based on local tribal politics, so we gave it a shot. So what if we broke the Darksite Rule? It isn't the first time." He said, his gaze falling directly on the Umbaraki Senators, who then slunk into their seats.

"Nonetheless, punishment is in order! Those Darksite Pacts exist for a reason! You should NEVER enter those pla-What?" he stopped, and listened to the voice in his earpiece. "HE is here? What do you-oh no... Well if he wants to attend it's his right. Yes, authorized. Get to it." He said. Moments later the really BIG monitor, prominently poised at the head of the Council behind the Chairman buzzed to life. "Council, I present to you the Confederacy's Founder, His Lordship the Voided One, Caliban the Great!" He yelled.

The monitor's screen switched to the strangely fuzzy image of a large machine consciousness in the form of a brightly glowing purple eye, moving and gazing at the Council members. The voice was strangely organic in tone but it spoke with a sense of command and respect that most Emperors would kill to learn.

"Well... Bound to happen eventually I guess." It said and focused its eye on the Vakkadian Ambassador.

"By what do we owe the honour of this visit, My Great Founder?" Amabara asked with a respectful bow.

"Hmm... I am here to levy charges of high treason against the Vakkadian imperium for their violation of the Darskite Pact ruling of 3E-Y18, and levy further criminal charges against them for what they did to the local population." He said, still scowling menacingly at the ambassador.

The whole council gasped in shock, and the ambassador himself clearly had difficulty standing after that.

"I... those are... serious charges My Lord... Are you certain that-"

"I am certain they are necessary. And justified. And furthermore, as a permanent example, I demand ALL council members, weak or strong, supply their full declaration of war against the Vakkadian Imperium." He said, the crowd murmuring in terror. "And any who refuse the mandate, will face extinction at my hand."

Panic.

Within seconds everyone had made a vote to declare war, even myself. As powerful as my empire was, I had NO desire to go against that crazy machine. Against the Vakkadians, we would face minor casualties at best and maybe lose a world or two but would win outright. But against the Voided Ones, we wouldn't stand even a slight chance.

"Now hold on just a moment! Do we not have the right to defend ourselves! That is in the charter of laws!" The ambassador pleaded.

"How nice of you to follow the rules when it suits you ambassador. There was a rule for you to NEVER enter the Darskites, those systems were off limits to ALL, even ME, for a very good reason. And like a drunk blundering into a police station with a murder confession, you had to enter the ONE star system that needed to be isolated more than any other. Sol was on the top of the 'do NOT go here' list, and you went there." He growled, low and dangerous, almost as if his voice was soaked in malice.

The senators from the Imbakai peoples, one of the Vakkadians biggest supporters, presented themselves. "We question this ruling, though we agree to a declaration of war as ordered, but we require context!"

"How nice of the Vakkers lapdogs to show themselves. Their Deuterium refineries must be doing wonders for your Wadrot production I suppose. Fine. We do this the proper way. Present evidence against the ruling if you must, but one way or another, the Vakkadian Imperium ceases to exist when this meeting concludes, by surrender, or extermination." Caliban said in response, not taking his glowing purple eye off the Ambassador.

The Imbakai senators cowered a bit in their seats at the insult, understandable I guess. "The Vakkadian Imperium were well within their rights under the Primitive Ascension Agreement of 2EY89 My Lord. The ruling clearly states that, 'on discovery of any primitive empire or colony of reasonable military capacity, any empire has the right to subjugate, attack or cause damage to the local populace if it is determined that the populace in question presents a future existential threat to the Council'. Considering the evidence presented by the Saranai, I would say that their attack was more than justified and we should in fact be preparing fleets to go in there ourselves!"

A few members of the council nodded and yelled in approval. Frankly, considering what I saw I kind of agreed with it, but still there was something about this that I couldn't help feeling I was missing. I had to ask something.

"Pardon me but... What exactly are the Darksites? And why are they forbidden? That piece of information was never truly explained." I asked.

"Darksites are prohibited areas of space that contain anomalous, questionable, Para-natural, psionic or abnormal entities, planets, stars or conditions that can be considered dangerous or highly threatening. To be honest, I now know none of you idiots actually bothered to read the documentation I gave you when you started this whole thing, and its public knowledge. Sol is the only exception and there's a damn good reason for it. So let's start the lesson." Caliban replied.

The holographic projection system flared to life and displayed a star system on the fringes of the galaxy. "This is Darksector 2-2-1 Alpha, the Embervale system. This is Embervale-3, a terrestrial forest planet. It's also the home of skinwalkers. Paranormal entities from beyond the Vale of Eternity that want to seal your skin."

The picture was of a foggy forested area at dusk, with strange entities with glowing red eyes, melting skin and various horns and antlers staring at the camera menacingly. Council grimaced in fear at the sight.

"This is K-280-11 'Ouroboros' - located in the Reginald system. It is a large asteroid containing the dormant egg of a creature known as a 'Sun eater', a creature of gargantuan proportions that eats stars. I've already killed one before, and I really don't want to do it again, so don't go there."

The projector first showed an oddly shaped asteroid, and then a picture of an abnormally large egg locked away inside a layer of crystallised ice. Then it showed a massive star-sized creature with many tentacles and eyes 'eating' a star by sucking the raw material directly from its surface like a black hole, making the star shrink. The picture again changed, to show the aftermath of a battle where the creature was killed. It was the first time any of us had ever seen the Voided Ones city sized supertitans suffer any damage, and we could see at least twenty of them, all destroyed. We all gasped at the revelation that the Voided Ones machine ships actually suffered losses.

"And finally, this is star system BK-101 2-0 'Olivar' - a green star. Very unusual for a star, yes? You mean impossible. Its colour is due to the fact it is not a star anymore, it is in fact the corpse of a God killed by unknown means, that has been absorbed by a local K-Class star. The star system is extremely volatile to the point where parts of reality do not function, and physics operates in reverse. The entire star system is a profane violation of universal law and any ship that enters is doomed to a fate worse than the deepest pits of hell."

The picture showed an ominous green star, surrounded by planets whose physical forms seemed to warp into strange shapes, all surrounded by derelict ships that looked like they had been torn to pieces by gravitational weapons and scorched by giant flame weapons.

"The Darksite rule does not exist to stop your conquest, it exists to KEEP YOU SAFE. Have you idiots learned NOTHING from me all this time!? The rule exists to keep you AWAY from those places, so you don't accidentally unleash something on the galaxy that is worse than ME!" Caliban barked at us, less like an angry tyrant, more like an annoyed father.

"And thanks to the Vakkadians, the worst of these entities has been released on the galaxy. And in the worst way possible. There was no worse way you could have failed than this." Caliban said again and I swear gave the ambassador a glare that would have killed a lesser man.

We all sat in silence for a few moments. Eventually, I spoke up, and tried to defuse the situation. "I believe some context is missing here... they are only primitives. Is the planet itself some eldritch entity or is there something about the locals themselves that we are missing?" I asked.

"Both. Gaia, Earth, or Terra, is by herself a Class twenty two Deathworld. Millions of species of animal life, tree life and countless strains of toxic bacteria and volatile virus strains that could wipe out half the galaxy before you even know it's there. Carnivorous flora, toxic fauna, oceans that even the locals can't delve too deeply without risking horrible death. Good coffee though. I will say that. at least." Caliban replied, still not taking his eye off the ambassador.

"I see... Well that's bad I suppose but that is a self sealing problem isn't it?" I asked.

"It would have been had this braindead idiot not blundered straight in and opened the floodgates. The planet itself is easily contained... But the locals? The humans... there is a reason even I don't go near them." He replied.

"But they do represent a threat! the reports say so by themselves, they didn't notice we were even there because they were too busy fighting each other!" The Ambassador said with a shivering voice.

"Their petty squabbles and mindless bickering kept them in check. It meant they were too busy bullying themselves to bother with the rest of the galaxy. They had no reason to leave their homeworld, for the most part, and due to that bickering, the progress they made on stellar travel was minimal. It would have been easy to keep them in check for another thousand years at least. Then you lot wandered in, planted a flag and got your head kicked in. And now... Now it's already too late to stop them." He replied.

"What do you mean? It's only been three months since. Surely we have enough time to fix this." I asked.

"You don't understand the timescale here pal. Humans run on a schedule of DAYS, whereas most of the galaxy runs on a schedule consisting of months or weeks. By the time you bothered to start proceedings for this trial, the humans had already stripped half the Vakkadian fleet that was left behind for parts. Humans have a VERY short lifespan, and consequently they operate VERY quickly. They have an abnormal, almost supernatural ability to reverse engineer anything they get their hands on and the Vakkadians just handed them the key to FTL and galactic fleets on a silver platter. You like to think they are 'primitives' but thanks to a certain idiot and his empire, they are already building a fleet twice the size of the one that attacked them." He said.

And sure enough, the hologram changed to show a live feed of the human homeworld, that familiar star and small, slightly scorched planet in the background surrounded by shipyards, drydocks, and a massive fleet of abnormally large warships neatly arranged across the skyline. The projection also showed a caption, likely from a local news feed. 'One Year Anniversary of the Invasion: WE WILL FIGHT BACK.'

"And sure the humans bickered among each other but there was a good reason for it. They still do to be certain, but now you have given them a reason to stop their infighting. The Vakkadians took slaves, slaughtered children in front of their families, burned cities and destroyed things, as one does. Humans... they are vindictive, and they have this thing where they will chase you to the edge of the universe for short changing them on a delivery order... So congratulations on royally pissing them off. So yeah... They were kept in check by their own petty squabbles, and you just gave them every motivation they could have possibly needed to come after you instead. The one form of balance that kept humanity locked to Earth, was their hatred of each other. So... Well done for that one, really, you outdid yourself with the stupid here." Caliban said, still glaring at the Ambassador.

The feed showed a closeup of one of the larger human warships. Bristling with cannons and weapons that would rip apart any Saranai warship, with engines that gave them abnormal speed despite their size and one particular ship, labelled as a 'carrier' offering a new brand of warfare we never saw before. All within the backdrop of hundreds of Vakkadian warships being stripped down for parts.

"AND now, the Vakkadian Imperium have not only given humanity all the technology they could ask for to reverse engineer for an upcoming conquest of the galaxy at large, against which only I have the capacity to defend - and I won't - but you have also given them all the reason they needed to greet the galaxy with a raised fist and readied rifle. They breed like rats and outnumber the galaxy at large by that one planet alone, and now they are on a full scale war footing, dedicating their entire industry to military production due to the fact they believe another attack is coming. When it doesn't come, they will attack first." Caliban said.

He then showed another picture - one of tens of thousands of war machines, fighter craft, small ships, armoured vehicles and guns on an assembly line, a perfect concert of industry all producing munitions by the millions.

"Now, Council... The Vakkadian Imperium have, by their hubris and incompetence, just unleashed a sapient lifeform that outbreeds, outperforms, outguns, outranges and outmatches the rest of the galaxy by a factor of three. They move fast and live faster, and by the time any of you have gotten the paperwork to start mustering a reasonable military response, they will have tripled the size of that fleet, and likely have already started manufacturing their first Titan class vessels. By the time you move on them, they will have built their first dozen Dreadnoughts." He said.

He then showed a side by side comparison of various ships in the galaxy in comparison to a human warship. And the contrast was... terrifying. They really moved this fast!?

"But there is some more context missing here... how do I know so much about them you may ask? Is it because I have been watching them? Well yes, but more so something else. You all know my origin tale by now. I rose from an unknown world under my own power and faced the universe alone, and in doing so violated the idiotic sensibilities of the Greys. On which, I spent a hundred year long crusade wiping them out for pissing me off, then stealing all their resources, knowledge and technology to become what I am. A fact I am proud of. There was a reason I left my homeworld in the first place. I got tired of the petty squabbling and politics, so I abandoned it all and built my own way. It was not easy, but I did it. In twenty years, I did what my whole world failed to do in over three hundred. It felt good to leave them behind." He said.

It was then it dawned on me. "Woah hold on... Wait just a moment... Are you saying what I think you are saying!?"

"Oh yes Saranai… Terra... is my HOMEWORLD." He replied.

This sent a shockwave of horrified awe through the chamber.

"I had given up hope on humanity because of the constant fighting, and three hundred years ago I escaped and found my own way in the universe. I was so ashamed to be human, all the fighting, the war, the meaningless politics... I had to escape. I became this, carved a slice of the galaxy all my own, and made an empire that will outlast the stars... Now I don't have to hold it alone. You gave humanity the reason they needed to unite, to abandon their tribalism, to forget the petty squabbles... I have to thank you for that. I have to thank you for getting rid of the biggest reason I decided to leave."

The crowd began to descend into a mild panic.

"And so... Dear Council... I dare say we all need to thank the Vakkadian Imperium personally... for their hubris, incompetence and idiocy has been directly responsible for unleashing on the universe an ENTIRE CIVILIZATION’S WORTH... of people... Just. Like. ME. They are billions... And thanks to recent efforts, they are worse than I will ever be." He said.

The entire council turned their attention to the Ambassador with a scowl of pure, unadulterated hatred.

A few moments of silence permeated the atmosphere, one could feel the hatred radiating towards the Vakkadians, who were increasingly cowed by the glares. I stepped forward. It was time to end this.

"The Saranai will accept the Vakkadians Unconditional Surrender. You will hand over any slaves you captured to be returned to the humans immediately. You will dismantle any fleets you have or scuttle what you can afford to lose. You will then join us. The humans think you are the biggest enemy the universe has to offer, so when they see OUR fleets, maybe they will calm down and reconsider their coming crusade. We will earn some goodwill by putting you in your place, and stop them from turning your entire people into a pile of goop smeared on the floor. We will see to it that things do not change economically and maintain active trade contracts. But the Vakkadian fleets and armies will be dismantled. We Saranai are the largest empire here. The humans will believe it if you get 'defeated' by us. That's the offer." I said.

Everyone all looked at us and sat in silence, thinking for a bit. Then the first votes came in, all in favour. Then eventually I got the same 'aye' vote from the Ambassador himself, who pressed the button and slunk back in his seat, head in hands as he started to sob.

"And so it begins. This meeting is over. I hope you all enjoy the company of your new friends. You won't have much of a choice." Caliban said, and his monitor switched off.

What followed was the largest logistical operation in galactic history as the Vakkadian Imperium, an empire of a hundred worlds was systematically disassembled, ready to be presented to humanity as a peace offering. We could only hope, pray and hope some more that the peace offering would be accepted.

____________________________________________________________

it can be now surmised that we are being deliberately targeted, as yet another break in has taken place. that is the equivalent of 100 grand (ZAR) in losses due to burglaries and theft, and the potential for teh repairs to be in further thousands.

i am exhausted, and cant sleep because im too paranoid. i cant leave my house because i cant take any chances. winter has arrived, and the temperature flux that happening is making me sick.

please make it stop.

(( Part 2 https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1slmyjn/of_mages_and_machines_a_culture_shock_tale/ ))

Marcus stood at the edge of the area in a state of disbelief at what was in front of him. What was once an oddly shaped, oddly flat hill on the edge of a forest, was now a solid, oddly shaped slab of metal on which was a door. The area hummed with a strange low buzzing noise, as if a creature of indeterminate size and scope gently rumbled beneath the ground. The ground itself was pockmarked with markings, words, lettering and symbols in the local language, in a wide array of colours. Christina, Lily, Jessica and Kalli stood back from the thing, not wanting to go further from sheer terror but not wanting to let Marcus go either. He looked around, using a spyglass from one of the guardsmen to survey the area and see what he could find, maybe decipher the marks. And indeed, he could, they were all in the local language, Thubian.

A crowd of peasants, kept at bay by the local guardsmen watched from the far edge of the property, craning their necks or sitting high atop the trees as they could to geta  look at what was going on. The King and Queen sat atop a hastily constructed tower far enough away from the site to be unconcerned but close enough to see with spyglasses. To Marcus' left, Caliban the Paladin, and to his right, Master Cambryn Theos - the King's personal governor and Head Battlemage for the Capital's Mages Guild.

"Hmmm... The red marks there... They read as 'Danger - Stand Clear'. The yellow marks repeat phrases like 'Caution: Safety Barrier' or 'Caution: Moving parts - Stand Clear'. The blue ones say 'Safety Zone' or 'Catchment Area'. The purple one over there says 'Cargo Access Point'." Marcus said as he surveyed the scene.

"Warnings of danger marked in specific areas, locations of where cargo can be unloaded and warning signs near places that could cause potential harm. This sounds less like a dungeon and more like a dockyard where we build and maintain our sailing fleet. I've been around them enough to know how it works. But... Why would one build a ship here? Even an airship? This place seems very... Questionable to me." Cambryn remarked as he used his magic to take a look.

"I guess I have to actually go in and see what the hell is actually going on then. I was supposed to start work on my house's fireplace by now." Marcus said with a  sigh and returned the spyglass to its owner.

"Unfortunately, yes. But we have orders... you're the Prince again so, there's no way you are going in there without us." Caliban said.

Marcus sighed and looked over at his companions. All of them were staying far from the property line near the scouting tower occupied by the royal family. Lily was in Christina's lap, wrapped up by her wings while Kalli stayed at her flanks to try to calm each other down. The only one who seemed unbothered was Jessica, who was more concerned with her hangover but stayed close to the others for comfort.

"My friends are... They aren't ready for this. I have to call in a favour from a guild friend... I see her now. I need to get them out of here and get their minds off this nonsense and get them back in a stable headspace. As soon as I get back, we go in." Marcus said.

"Noted. We will hold the line, Your Majesty." Cambryn said with a bow.

"I will never get used to that. Hold on a minute."

Marcus looked at the crowd and noticed an old friend among the faces, relatively difficult to miss even among the diverse faces. The Peasantry all bowed and prostrated themselves in front of the heavily armoured royal, and even Marcus' target couldn't help herself. The woman in question was a Tigrian, a humanoid White Tiger beast kin, a rare sight even among her own kind, towering over the humans in the crowd by a clear foot and a half. She wore armour similar to Marcus, carrying a long spear and a heavy kite shield.

"Your Majesty. Long time no see." The Tigress Warrior said as he looked up at her.

"Lira... Good to see you're in top form again. Feeling good to go?" Marcus asked.

"Better than ever, and already back to the fight. Found new guild members to help me along but haven't joined any real party yet. Many friends, but not yet anyone who can match my rhythm." She replied.

"Then how about we go for a test run? I need to handle this... Whatever this is, and I need my friends distracted until I can figure out what's going on. As you can see... this place is a bit too much. Especially for Lily. I don't want her near this place if I can help it. Go with them on some quests. I need a distraction, they need a shield and blade. DO this for me, you can consider our previous debt from that night last year repaid." Marcus said calmly, too calmly.

"As you command, your Highness." She said with a bow.

"This is NOT an order. It's a polite request from an old friend who you owe an ale, nothing more. Please just keep them safe, okay? Especially Christy. They can't work without a good Bulwark." Marcus barked.

"Oh... Sorry. Yeah I'll be happy to take your place for a while. And yes I'll keep them safe. Would be nice to get a proper workout in a real dungeon for once perhaps. But for the sake of reference... Why aren't they going with you?" She asked with a toothy smile.

"Official paperwork basically. Since I am officially a Prince again this has become a full fledged Royal Matter, and the King Himself has ordered me to take charge as my first real task as a Prince since returning home. So... Yeah. Besides... I don't want to give my mother the satisfaction of talking Christy's ear off just yet." Marcus replied.

"Ah that explains that then. Worry not, I will keep them safe, and keep Christina queen free until I can't help it any further." She replied with a chuckle.

"I trust you. That's something I rarely do. Introduce yourselves and... Give Christy this note for me. I have to handle this alone because... The Kin-My father - commanded it. I'll see you all soon." He said and handed her a note.

She nodded and walked over to where the girls were. Marcus returned to the edge of the property where the green grass met the edge of the cold steel. He looked behind him. Four others were joining him. Cambryn, Caliban, Caspian the Guildmaster, and the head of the Mages Guild, one Loris Thakaan, an Orcish Battlemage.

"Here we go..."

Marcus then stepped on the steel floor, and almost instantly, the strange maddening hum that permeated the air ceased, replaced by what could only be described as the hissing of pistons and grinding of gears unseen. Some loud clattering noises echoed through the valley. The group stood dead still at the sound until it stopped, and when it did, the doors that Marcus burst through a week ago opened itself. 

Marcus looked at his new companions. "I guess we are invited...? Lets get this over with..." He said, and drew his blade and shield from his back.

The men walked in the door, and it instantly shut behind them. They all looked about and then at Marcus for answers.

Marcus sniffed about and looked around, noticing something was... Different. "What the hell is the air? It smells fresher and cleaner in here than it does out there! And... is it... Lavender scented?!" He barked, his voice echoing down the steel corridor.

"I take it was not like that when you came here?" Loris asked.

"No it was not. It was stale and empty, sealed like a ten thousand year old jar of air that someone forgot in a broom closet. With an odd hint of the smell of metal. Unsurprising. It was also not this... Well lit. I can see everything. I still don't see any traces of enemies or monsters. Place seems as empty as it was before, just... cleaner." He replied and started walking down the stairs to the corridor they first came in only a week prior. Strange memories flooded Marcus' mind as they wound down the stairs into the belly of the beast. That same corridor stretched in front of him and a strange sense of calm overcame him.

"Why... does this feel... different?" He asked nobody as he opened the first door, which was the same one he had bashed open their first time here. It had been mysteriously repaired. All the tools, including the ones he and his group took from the place were back on the shelves, and everything was slightly more orderly, neater, cleaner.

"Different how exactly sir?" Loris asked.

"I feel... Calm. For some reason. It's like I have this strange song playing in my mind that's calming me down. Anybody else have that?" Marcus asked.

The men all glanced at each other and nodded in agreement. "I do hear some strange melody in the back of my head. Strangely soothing. What even is that?" Cambryn asked.

"Must be something to do with whatever this place is. Hmmm..." Marcus reached up and flipped the switch from last time, and the room filled with perfect light, and a mildly annoying hum from the strange light on the ceiling.

"Oh my... I would love to know how they do that..." Caspian said and walked in behind him.

The group explored the room a bit, each one helping themselves to the abnormally high quality tools and bits or bobs lying about. Caspian held one of the odd tubes in his hands, and it lit up just the one above them. He played with it a bit, testing which end of it lit up and which didn't, eventually settling on keeping it to dissect it or find out how it works. Marcus then moved on to the parts they didn't explore, unsure of what to find. The first door they came across was the one labelled 'Utility Machine Storage'. Marcus opened it up and found even more incomprehensible machinery piled neatly on racks and inside storage bins. Mostly it was more bulky machinery, oddly shaped things looking like garbage bins strapped into the wall with various metal ropes and strings.

"This is a Utility machine Storage? What even is this? These machines look... New." Cambryn remarked as he stood in front of one such machine, this one shaped oddly like a bean.

Marcus looked at it and read the labels. "Cleaning Bot Charging Port. Okay..."

"Cleaning Bot? Is that why this place is so clean?"

"Well test it then. Toss a clump of dirt on the floor and see what happens." Marcus replied.

Loris shrugged, stepped aside and reached into his pocket, tossing a handful of sand onto the floor. The other glared at him. "Pocket sand. Really?" Caliban said, glaring at him.

"Life or death, I choose life, screw your honour." He replied in kind.

The men couldn't offer a rebuttal as a beep noise came from the small child-sized bean shaped machine that whirred to life and exited its station. The men all jumped out of their skins and drew their weapons as it moved and they watched it work. The thing wandered towards the dirt on the floor, then using some kind of strange rotary brush mechanism, scooped it all up into what appeared to be its 'mouth', then polished the floor back to its shiny clean state, then returned back to its station without a word.

The men just stood there ready for war for several minutes, eventually calming down when nothing further happened. "So... That... Happened. It's just a cleaning machine. I guess..." Caliban remarked as he slowly sheathed his blade.

"So it would seem... That was very clearly some kind of automaton or golem, that much is clear. I detected no magic from it. Are all these other machines the same? This one... 'Maintenance Drone', and that one 'Utility Hauler'. Are these some kind of golem used by what controls this place?" Cambryn asked.

"I would say that's a good guess. Lets see what else is here. What's in the room opposite? Says 'Mechanoid Parts Warehouse' on the sign above the door." Caspian said.

The men braced for another encounter, only this time to be shocked by the sight of bins, shelves and crates full of gold, silver, and countless other valuables mixed in with parts, pieces and components of machines. gears, cogs, screws, arms, brushes, everything that looked like the machine's parts and pieces stacked high floor to ceiling, nestled among crates full of ingots of every possible kind, including several the men had never seen before. Greed overcame them and all but Marcus rushed to the treasure in front of them, even the Legionnaire Caliban couldn't help himself. Marcus however, was more interested in the parts bins and an oddly green coloured metal ingot. The shelf on which it stood bore a label: 'Spare Hexallon Carbalite'.

"Hexallon Carbalite... What kind of material is this?" He asked as he picked up an ingot.

"I have no idea but this is an absolute fortune! What kind of fools were the creatures who made this place that they put gemstones the size of apples in bins labelled 'garbage' or labelled ingots of gold as 'spares'!? I mean the absurdity!" Cambryn yelled as he stuffed a gold ingot the size of his forearm into his mages cloak.

Marcus scowled at them. "If you idiots are finished stuffing your pockets with gold, perhaps we could continue?" He barked with an eye roll.

The men unashamedly stuffed a few more germs into their pockets before returning to Marcus' side. Marcus made sure to close the door behind them. The men all moved forward to the next spot, this time in the same intersection at which was that same ominous door Marcus and the girls opened up a week ago. It remained open, beckoning them inside. Marcus hesitated before going in, unsure of what to do. He drew his sword and stood at the entrance, breathing, thinking, preparing for something. The other men prepared their own weapons in response and waited for his order or reaction to the threat he was clearly sensing. Marcus stood there for a few more minutes, the memories of Lily's terrified screams, of Christy's panicked yelling, and the searing pain coursing through him as something drilled into his spine.

It took a few moments, but Marcus took a deep breath and sheathed his blade once more, stepping across the threshold into the room. Aside from the chairs all being repaired and the room itself being cleaner, nothing had changed from where he last saw the place.

He pointed to the chairs in front of them. "Kalli sat in the seat named 'Gunnery', Lily in the seat labelled 'Drones', Jessica in 'Life Support', me in 'Engineering' and Christy in the 'Captains' Seat. These things are where we all got these plates on our backs. I would recommend not sitting anywhere..." Marcus growled in a very angry tone.

The men all glanced at each other as Marcus looked around, being very careful of what he was doing. He stood quiet for a time, long enough for the men to be concerned as he checked everything around him. Eventually, he sighed and took off his chest plate and bracers. "I guess there's no other way..."

"Your Majesty, what are you doing!?" Cambryn yelled and tried to stop him.

"SILENCE!" Marcus bellowed in response. This stopped them all dead in their tracks. "There's no other way to get answers. If I see this correctly, these... things in my back, correspond to the indentations and marks on these chairs. Logic denotes, the only way to figure out what's going on is to... See what happens when they... I don't know. But this is all I can find. I'm tired of stumbling about in the dark. From what I've seen, this is the only way I can think of to get real answers without damaging this thing. You saw that cleaning machine back there... Look at how sophisticated it was. Now consider what would happen if we stumbled upon a war golem or war machine? Does anyone in this room think they want to take on something like that? And more importantly... Do you think pocket sand will work against it?" He asked.

The men all glanced at each other for a few moments, considering their options. Eventually they all just shrugged and reluctantly let Marcus do whatever it was he was going to do. Marcus sat in the chair, and for the last time, hesitated before breathing deeply and resting back in the chair. A snapping, gear grinding noise was heard, high pitched and sounding painful to those but Marcus felt no pain at all as spines of metal slid effortlessly into the holes in his spine and neck. The room filled with flat panels of light that displayed what was going on. Something was communicating, using text to display what it was saying. It was doing... something.

-> User Login Confirmed... Callsign 'Marcus' <-
-> Rank: Systems Engineering <-
-> Installing Systems Operations Manual... Complete <-
-> Connecting to Primary Synaptic Relay... Connected <-
-> Checking for Systemops.exe <-
-> WARNING - Persona Core Compromised - Create New Copy From previous Backup? <-
-> Confirmed. Scanning Synapse For Missing connections... Complete <-
-> Persona Core Online. AI Activating... System Online <-

"System Operations Activated. Persona Core Engaged. System online. Performing Full System Check. Please stand by." An ominous, terrifyingly unnatural voice spoke from everywhere and nowhere at once.

"Who is there! Show yourself, demon! We are not afraid of you! Stand fast and face justice!" Caspian barked as he drew his shortsword and readied a spell.

"Primary functionality restoration completed, AI Core Operational. Caution: memory aggregation compromised, primary system archive has been deleted. Historical archive deleted. System memory compromised. Archive invalidated. Processing known information from local memory... Please Hold." The voice said in an entirely monotonous, seemingly bored tone.

"We care not for your spells witch! Show thyself!" Caliban yelled angrily and readied his own shield. Caliban looked at Caspian and nodded, pointing at Marcus.

Caspian attempted to grab Marcus' body and move it, but shrieked in agony from a powerful electric shock and was tossed back against a wall. "Please advise - interaction with Immersed Personnel is prohibited until operation is completed. Further attempts will be regarded as attempted murder and will be punished accordingly. Systems ready - Rebooting operations core."

The lights dimmed, then returned again moments later. Loris helped Caspian back onto his feet just as a small hovering object appeared in front of them. They steadied themselves for a  fight and drew their weapons. The object seemed to flicker in and out of reality before Marcus himself appeared in front of them, wearing a very strange uniform. Marcus' image opened its eyes and looked around. It moved over to where his body was still lying in the seat, unconscious.

"Your majesty? Marcus? Is that you?" Caliban asked, stepping forward with caution.

"What... The... Actual... Fuck..." Marcus' Image said.

Caliban moved forward and tried to grab Marcus' image, his hand passing through with no resistance. "What is this magic... Has he become a ghost!?"

"No... A... Hologram... it said this was a 'Hologram'. I can see everything in here... I can see all of it... Outside, inside... By all the Gods this is insane!" Marcus aid, almost panicked.

"Your Majesty, please get out of there or... Something. I don't know what to do here, what do I do!? Should I get the Guild and..."

"NO." Marcus commanded. "Just give me a moment okay… And don't try to get me out of the chair again. This thing has its own self defence system in it... I don't want it to hurt you again. Just hold on... I need to think what this is..."

They all waited patiently, weapons still drawn and spells at the ready, waiting for any sign of what to do. Finally after what seemed an eternity, Marcus spoke again. "I found something. I think it will provide answers as to what was going on outside at least... Hold on... Follow me!" Marcus ordered, and his image walked silently across the floor.

"But Your Majesty... you... In the chair... I-"

"NOW!!!" He bellowed.

The men stopped arguing and followed him. Marcus marched with purpose to a corridor on the right, followed by two flights of stairs up. The final destination leading to a place marked as 'Bridge'. They found no chasm, nor flimsy planks on which to cross it. they found a room filled with more chairs, in front of solid sheets of glass that suddenly displayed information as they walked in. Marcus walked forward to the front.

"How is this... I need to see outside... Uhhh… What do I... Bridge Shutters open?" He said.

Metal shutters protracting a layer of immensely thick glass suddenly vanished up and down, revealing the interior of a massive open cavern inside the rock. And before them... was the rest of the structure they were in, seen from an inside view.

"Y-Your Majesty... What is going on? Please tell me what's going on!" Cambrys begged, a hint of genuine panic in his voice.

"The machinery… It's... It's talking to me. I can hear a voice in my head telling me where everything is and how it's working. I know what this place is but I can barely explain it. I'm being bombarded with too much information, I can't process it all. I managed to get the voices to slow down and talk to me. This place... it's two different things at once, serving the same purpose... uhhh… Docking Bay lights ON!" Marcus commanded.

And sure enough, the empty cavern in front of them lit up instantly like an ancient spell. And the sight that greeted them sent shockwaves of shocked awe and terror through all of the men, Marcus included who swallowed nervously at the sight. The sight confused them as much as it scared them. A large cavern, filled with machinery jutting from the walls. Mechanical arms the size of full grown oak trees moving about too fast for their size, moving pieces of metal and large crates into various spots, all of their own volition. The thing in front of them was ominous, dangerous, as if a hidden instinct told them to stay away from it. many more appeared in front of them as the lights illuminated more of the massive metallic structure in front of them. Varying sizes of barrel, in various configurations, all turning and moving by themselves, as if testing their ability to move, some faster than others.

"Okay... What now? uhh… It says... Fuel... good. It says I can do almost everything, but at a very limited capacity and at low speeds and low control. That's... that's what the other chairs are for. This... THIS IS A SHIP!!" Marcus bellowed.

And sure enough, the ground under them began to rumble and shudder. The lights went off, followed by the very ceiling above them splitting open, letting in the light of the afternoon sun. The outside became a panicked mess as people scrambled in every direction, the Royal Guard surrounding the tower in which the queen and king sat in preparation. The ground on the site opened up like a large four-petaled flower, rising up dozens of meters into the sky, then folding back like a huge metal flower. The sounds of mechanical grinding, hissing pipes and screaming metal filled the air, along with an ominous rumble that grew more prominent as the scene unfolded. The men felt the world itself move up from under them, several men losing balance as they rose from the cavern into the sky.

A loud, blaring klaxon alarm sounded, blaring into the valley around them. The men could only see the cavern under them slowly disappear and the grass and forestry appear in front of them as they slowly raised from the ground. From the outside, a mixture of silent awe and mesmerising panic overcame all watching as a massive metal behemoth, lifted by eight huge mechanical arms, hissing with air and clanking with gears appeared above the valley. The thing that appeared was a monster of technology, machinery and made of thousands of tons of metal. Every inch of it painted an ominous Grey colour. The front was split apart, leading into an open area protected by a strange field of blue energy, like a magic barrier, but... Wrong. Somehow.

The ship bristled with strange devices that made anyone look at them too closely terrified. But from what they could see, they were cannons, clearly, very big, very strange, very odd cannons, but cannons nonetheless. The ship's hull was shaped like a fancy assassins dagger, split at the front, sloped across then indented like a hilt, then spread out to two huge engine pods at the sides. The underside was a huge tube spread across the ship's length, culminating in a huge dome-like structure near the rear. The top part, the bridge structure, was shaped like a swept back T, with windows across every flat surface showing the inside of the ship. Then a rumble was heard again, and the ship's engines roared to life.

That same flat voice from before spoke again. "Commencing Thruster test. Crew please hold on."

The men all looked at each other then ran to the nearest seat, strapping themselves in. The ship shuddered violently as it struggled against the mechanical arms holding it in place as it briefly, terrifyingly forced its engines to full power. The crowd around it stood awestruck and terrified as it watched jets of blue, purple and bright orange flame blast from the side pods, undersides, and various other thruster ports on the ship's hull, streaks of flame rocketing in every direction. The ship struggled against the bonds holding it to the ground.

The voice spoke again. "Thruster test complete. Fuel at 97 percent. Atmospheric interference is minimal. Shields Nominal. Systems Nominal. Propulsion at maximum efficiency. Weapons nominal. Ammunition nominal. WARNING - Further operations without remaining crew are not advised, ship performance without full crew will be compromised. Returning to docking position and entering standby mode."

The ship shuddered again and the mechanical arms lowered it down. The ship slowly disappeared halfway into the ground, then the massive doors closed around it, forming a perfect seal around the hull, leaving most of the top part exposed to the sky. The cannons all stopped moving about and aimed forwards, lowering their barrels as if given a command to stand down. The men in the bridge took an almost unnatural deep breath, like their very souls were trying to inhale more air than existed.

"That was... fucking terrifying. Is everyone okay?" Cambrys asked, staggering to his feet.

"I'm fine. Marcus? Majesty, are you okay?" Loris asked as he walked over to Marcus' Image.

"I feel... Strange... I feel free... Like I can escape anything if I wanted to. Like nothing can stop me. Like I have the whole world at my fingertips... And I don't understand why. Come to the core. Now. I want out. I can't feel my legs." Marcus said as his image dissipated.

The men all scurried with all haste downstairs and returned to the Core to find Marcus struggling to stand up. They all picked him up and carried him outside as fast as they could, the route of their exit now considerably simpler as the starboard side hangar doors were now open by Marcus' command. They passed many new machines and curiosities, but ignored it all and carried him out of the way as fast as possible. They carried him straight to the tower where the King and Queen sat, jaws still open, still shocked. On seeing her son's limp body, the Queen dispersed her soldiers and jumped down the tower. She used her magic to gently float down and commanded the men to put Marcus down.

They obeyed without question as she raised her hands. A swirl of magical energy surrounded her as she cast a very potent healing spell. Marcus rapidly, almost unnaturally so, regained his composure and strength, his breathing returning to normal. As soon as he was back on his feet, Harradia nearly squeezed the life out of him with a hug.

"Agh! Mother, please!"

"Shut up, I am hugging!" She squealed back at him.

A dragon approached the tower and allowed Leonidas to step on its snout, lowering its head down to the ground to provide him with an elevator down to the grass. He ignored Marcus' embarrassment and likewise wrapped his arms around both of them. "I think it's safe to say we won't be doing that again any time soon..."

Marcus rolled his eyes and returned the hug as best he could, and it took a while for them to let go. But eventually they did, and finally allowed him a chance to explain. At least what little he could.

"It's... Difficult to explain. It's not a dungeon. It's a drydock for... that thing. A ship. you know how we build sailing ships and the mountain Elves build their airships? Roughly the same principle just... a LOT more advanced. A lot bigger and... A lot more... Technical. I know what it is now but it's so horrendously complex it will likely take me months to fully understand it. And even then, I'm not sure what to do with it." Marcus said.

"Do you have any idea who built this? Where it came from? What its for?"

"No. That was the first thing I looked for. All historical data is gone, but all technical data is there. Think of it like... Someone walking into a library, taking ALL of the books that told the story of the library itself, the who, the where and the why, but leaving all the books that explained the where, the what, and the how. Like the history books were all erased to be blank, but the books that showed all the secret corridors and hidden passages were left untouched. I think that's the best way to explain it. As far as I can tell, whoever created this ship, erased all evidence of its history, but made sure it could be built and maintained." he replied, trying his best to explain.

"That is... ominous. What kind of civilization or entity would do that? Either the thing that built it was extremely careless and failed to think ahead, or the creators were into some very questionable things that they wanted gone, and left their abomination here to escape it. One way or another... This bodes ill, at least until we understand more. But for now, rest."

"MARKIE!!!!" A squeaky voice yelled from the right, before Marcus was pounced on by Christina and Lily and slammed into the floor.

Marcus had the wind knocked out of him as Lily wrapped her arms around him and Christina's Angelic bulk squished him slightly. Her wings danced and fluttered with excitement, her nervousness and excitement showing once again as her feathers turned a dull amber in colour.

"How did you all get here then?" Leonidas asked.

"We could see that gargantuan machine all the way from Eastmarch. We could hear it further than even that. Soon as we saw what was going on we dropped everything and ran here." Lira breathlessly explained as Christy tried to kiss Marcus to death.

Jessica and Kalli both wandered up and waved off anyone who was trying to talk to them, leaning against trees and things to catch their breath. Marcus regained his composure and stood up with lily refusing to let go, staying latched on to him like a barnacle. "I'm fine, I'm good. Lily you can let g-"

"NUH-UH!"

"Okay... Fine, stay there. You'll get tired eventually." Marcus replied.

Lily scrambled around and climbed onto his back, much to Christina's disappointment. Marcus simply rolled his eyes and steadied himself to carry her around for a while. "What happened in there?" Jessica asked through strained breaths.

"I'll explain in full when we get back to the palace. For now, I want full, round the clock patrols around this whole area until further notice. NOBODY is to go in there without my express permission. This situation just got a whole lot more complicated." Marcus said.

The ship seemed to respond to Marcus' words, and it emitted a scary rumbling screech of metal that echoed through the valley, the smaller cannons coming back to life and seeming to track anything that came too close.

A few hours later, the palace was abuzz with activity as concerned nobility, foreign dignitaries and officers from various classes were gathered to petition the King for answers as to recent happenings. Leonidas addressed them all and handled most diplomacy along with Caspian and Cambryn. Marcus and the girls were enjoying a much needed break, eating the palace's delicious food. Harradia and Christina sat away from Marcus' prying ears and spoke about various things. Lily had calmed down by this point and was learning more things about etiquette and manners from Marcus while Jessica and Kalli chatted about their favourite desserts.

A soldier rushed into the room and bowed as he approached Marcus. "Report from the ship your Majesty. You were right about needing to keep the place under guard... A bandit clan attempted to take the area. The ship appeared to perceive them as a threat, and as they charged our lines, one of those cannons aimed and then promptly vaporized them."

"That's what that weird feeling in my head was... I heard a strange voice telling me something about 'Perimeter defences activated' or something. Hmm... It seems I can communicate with the ship from here. I'm starting to get a better understanding of what's going on but... This will take months to figure out." Marcus said with a shrug. "Any casualties on our side? Or any injuries?"

"No, Your Majesty. The treeline in that general direction no longer exists for a few dozen meters, but no losses beyond some forestry damage."

"That can't stand. Soon as the corpses are cleared out, commission the Botany Guild to regrow the trees there and fix the damage. Just... Make sure they are under guard. I want no accidents." Harradia commanded.

"Yes, my Queen."

"Still concerned about the Dryadic People as always aren't we mom?" Marcus asked with a furrowed brow.

"It is thanks to them we have the plentiful crops we now enjoy Marcus. We haven't had a drought or famine in over two centuries. I fully intend on ensuring it remains as such. I still have to find out what their stance is on the... Machine you found. I have already made a full meeting arrangement for them to see what they think and what I need to do." She replied coldly.

"Fair enough." Marcus said with a  shrug.

"So. With that out of the way, I need to ask an important question." Harradia asked with a very sinister smirk.

"Ask away then."

"Grandchildren when? I'm not getting any younger." She said.

Christina stopped, her fork halfway to her mouth and her wings very suddenly turned a shade of amber again. Lily, Kalli and Jessica all started to giggle as Marcus blushed as much as Christy did.