Need advice…
I am a m(23) and my girlfriend is f(20). For two years we’ve been together our relationship has been healthy and amazing. She means everything to me. But I had a gut feeling that her grandfather doesn’t really like me. I was vindicated two days ago when I was over her house he calls her over and says that it’s disrespectful that I am there all the time.
For context, she had to move in with her grandparents to be closer to work. She has two siblings and two cousins. They come over all the time. At first I would stay in her room but I would hangout with them occasionally. I even bought them beyblades to teach them friendly competition. He didn’t like that I was in her room so he made two rules. I have to leave by 11 and if the kids or family come over, I have to be in the living room. I respected those rules after he made them but as of two days he said he doesn’t like me and shut me out a long time ago. Keep in mind I go out of my way to ask how is health. How are his surgeries. Are you treating your diabetes well. Like I literally learned how to give him medication for his diabetes in case his wife couldn’t. Anyways out of a lot of respect for his wishes. I left her house. Keep in mind her grandfather is a successful business owner so he’s very macho. One more thing, his dad handed him this business in the restaurant industry and he’s always tired in his room so he doesn’t really see me or make the effort to get to know me, my past, my job, etc. At first I would finish my work at 8 pm but because of the rule he instilled I’ve changed my schedule to accommodate. But even then, I’m in that house for two hours. I finish work at 6pm and she comes home at 7 I’ll go over and we would head out for food for like 1:30-2 hours. So I’m back there by 9 and then leave at 11. And for the first hour I’m sitting in the corner of the bed eating dinner with her watching television. Another thing is I really love her to where I pick her cousins and siblings up from school when all of the family members are busy with their business. If they ask me to take out trash I do it no hesitation. I wash dishes for them cause I really did feel like I was family not an outsider. I say this because I feel like I have to do my part. And even some of the family members were calling me family too.
My gf and his wife spoke to him the day after saying what he did was not fair and are mostly on my side and he said if he wanted to talk we can. So I go over to try to fix this. I wanted understand why he doesn’t like me cause everyone in his family loves me but him(idk why). I thought this convo can either go two way. He’s either gonna be stubborn and not listen or what I actually thought, he would talk to me.
So I come up to him and was very civil. I shook his hand and I asked why don’t you like me. He’s reasoning was that I took too long to have her meet my parents. So I explained why that was because my family wanted to make time and have dinner with her and get to know her. My family are very busy trying to stay a float so whenever I would try they would say maybe another time and I respected my parents wishes and my gf was okay with that. My parents are also immigrants and there’s a big cultural difference between us. But they finally met and not only did she meet my parents but most of my family in my dad and mom side. We had dinner and it was great. I told him I’m sorry but I can’t force my parents to meet someone when they’re not ready. He got quiet and then said well that’s why you’re immature because you’re not taking the blame. I was baffled. I really didn’t understand how that’s my fault. So I genuinely think he’s just mad to be mad. He then kept dismissing me and laughing at me when I said I respected all your rules. He said that it should’ve been known like how you wipe your ass? I said I don’t understand how I’m just supposed to know that. I can’t read your mind. Then his wife came in and tried to be mediator. I said if you really didn’t like that I was in her room you should’ve come up to me and told me instead of going around the bush. I would’ve literally lived in the living room if he just came up to me. On top of that he said “I never asked you to fuck her and you still do it”. Hows that fair. I’ve never even changed or dropped at his house once. He also told her dad about it but her dad was on our side saying that he’s crazy. During that whole argument. He kept picking on me. And not listening to anything I was saying and only airing out his grievances. And he kept contradicting himself. He says I’m just supposed to know things but I’m not his son.
So after all of this he kicks me out. Cool this wasn’t going anywhere anyways. So I took the beyblades and left. Her nana, then spoke to me outside. First I apologized to her if I was rude or loud but I said it’s not fair that he says respect is earned not given. She calmed me down and i said I was taught that you should respect everyone regardless of what they look like because you never know it might bite you in the back. This genuinely hurt me. I really thought I was a part of that family only for it to get crushed like that. What I need is advice on where do I go from here. I don’t feel comfortable being over and now every time I look at her I get this feeling of dread. I don’t want to be the reason for chaos or a split in that family. In my head I thought that maybe breaking up with her would be good because in reality I have don’t really want to get someone’s approval when they don’t really want it in the first place.
Everyone’s (my circle) has been saying to just end it. It’s not fair but her nana said that I was the best thing to happen to her and it would be a shame if I leave because she’s the best for me (fully agree) but I told her that if I were to stay, there has to be a light in the end of the tunnel. So I’m here trying to give it thought but it keeps bothering me what he said to me. She also said that when they were younger his parents treated her poorly and she had to roll with the punches. I later said then isn’t it hypocritical that he’s treating me poorly? I really don’t want to deal with him and I don’t want him to not see my gf or drive a wedge between them. It’s not fair that her nana said I have to fix this when I would rather just not deal with this shit and lock in on my life. I’m trying to get a promotion at work, I’m trying to get my masters degree, and I’m trying to cut weight for summer trip I got. I feel like I’m trapped between my feelings for her but if I can’t get a long with her grandad idk if I’ll be able to take it. I don’t want to be over knowing that he doesn’t like me. I feel like that burden would eat someone up. Am I in the wrong here? Should I roll with the punches?
Sorry for long post :/
TLDR: girlfriend’s grandpa doesn’t like me because apparently I should’ve known the rules that he never set and his reason was I took too long to introduce my parents when they were busy and wanted to meet properly (culture differences involved too). She has met them and in fact they felt bad they invited her over and cooked her dinner and we laid in bed watching WWE. Indifferent about my relationship because I love her but I don’t want to deal with this. Is it worth staying in your opinion?