Hi everyone! I lurk here a lot and just gotta say, most of your stories make me feel less alone. It’s hard being a step parent and we’re all just here killing the game. I wanna preface this by saying I love my step son. I just feel like I can’t handle this sometimes.
My ss is 12 non verbal autistic. He can’t do most things for himself. His mom and I have to do everything just about for him. Including changing him when he goes to the bathroom. More on that later. He’s a smart kid and knows what to do most of the time. I just think his brain has a hard time processing and understanding things. He doesn’t really have meltdowns like some kids with autism. He’s mostly well behaved but will definitely give attitude sometimes like any 12 year old kid. He’s had some instances at school where he’s had bad behavior but overall it could absolutely be worse.
I get frustrated because he’s well… lazy. All he wants to do is lay down all day and be on his tablet and stem. His stemming is loud! You can hear him through the whole house. I know he can’t help it but there’s times where it over stimulates me. My wife lets him have his tablet all day and right before bed. Before we met she let him have it all night, even during dinner. I put a stop to that. I don’t believe kids should have tablets all day. I believe this is a huge part of his problem. He constantly has it in his hands and it’s the first thing he asks for when he wakes up.
He makes outings miserable. He’s always asking to lay down and gets upset/sad when we tell him no. For instance, last weekend we stayed at a friend’s condo near the beach. Everyone there is always driving around in golf carts so we decided to rent a really cool one. I was so excited and I thought my ss would enjoy it. He was kinda excited at first but then in a terrible mood the whole time. He kept asking to lay down and only wanted ice cream. It instantly put me in a bad mood and I didn’t even want to be around him anymore.
When he does get to lay down, most of the time my wife just lets him lay down after school until dinner time, he will not get up and say he went to the bathroom and will wet his entire bed or have poop everywhere. He’s still in pull-ups cause he can’t understand how to use the toilet. I’m not kidding, my wife once remade his bed 3 times in one afternoon into evening. We always put multiple pads and blankets down so he doesn’t wet through everything or the mattress but he always finds a way to piss or poop through something. It’s frustrating because he knows when he goes. There’s times where he will get up and say he needs to be changed but mostly he just lays in his waste watching his tablet or tv. It’s like he only gets up and tells us he went to the bathroom when he wants something. Last night he got up and said he peed but he really didn’t. He just wanted a snack. He didn’t get a snack btw. Before anyone assumes, we’re always checking to make sure he hasn’t used the bathroom. We don’t just ignore his needs.
I guess I should have said that his father has never been in the picture. I don’t have the pleasure of dealing with him going to his dad’s for the weekend or the week or whatever. Sometimes I wish I did so I could get a break for a while. He’s always around. My wife and I don’t ever get date nights or weekends away. We never even got a honey moon. We don’t have anyone that could watch him because his needs are so much and we don’t want anyone to have to deal with that. I worry a lot about what would happen if God forbid something happened to my wife. I don’t know how I could handle taking care of him on my own. She worries about that too sometimes and always makes me reassure her that he will be taken care of by me but I always feel bad and panicked because I don’t even know how I could take care of him by myself. I pray all the time nothing like that ever happens but you never know where life is gonna take you.
I hope this wasn’t too much of a complaining post. I know it’s hard raising a child with autism and I shouldn’t complain about something he can’t help. It’s just very hard some days and I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice here. I love his mom more than anything and we have the best relationship. I couldn’t imagine ever leaving her just because I can’t handle her son sometimes. Anyways, if you made it here this far, thanks for listening!