u/Federal-Drop869

My son was in hospital over last weekend with suspected appendicitis. He was really anxious about it. While we were at my mum’s my brother’s wife made comments like “it’s only his appendix” while talking to my mum and my son overheard it and got upset.

What annoyed me most wasn’t even the original comment, it was the reaction after. I messaged my brother basically saying can you be mindful what gets said around him because he’s frightened and upset. He ignored it for a while then came back with “are you fucking serious?” and from there it escalated badly.

For context this isn’t isolated. My brother has always had a very aggressive personality. He was known for fighting when younger, still boxes, takes steroids etc and reacts unbelievably badly to criticism or perceived disrespect.

A few examples:

- I once said during a conversation that he was lucky owning his own business because he can go on holiday whenever he wants without asking for time off. I stupidly phrased it as “not having a real job” and apologised immediately because I obviously didn’t mean it like that. He still brings it up a year later as proof I’m “always nasty”.

- At a hotel after a few drinks I said I didn’t think he’d have come top of the graduate exams at the firm I worked for after he said everyone else there was thick and he’d easily come top. Again not a smart thing for me to say, but he stood up screaming at me in a restaurant before storming out.

- He punched my wife’s gay best friend at my son’s christening.

- He’s screamed at his own kids to the point they cry multiple times according to my mum.

- My own kids are genuinely nervous of him because of his temper.

The thing is I know I escalated it too this time. I called him a clown, said harsh things etc. I’m not pretending I handled it perfectly. But I think something snapped in me because instead of any concern that my son was upset and frightened in hospital, the immediate reaction was defensiveness and threats.

He rang my mum screaming threats after it and now they’re trying to act like my mum lied about what was said and that we’re exaggerating my son being upset.

What’s difficult is I genuinely love my brother. He’s my little brother. We’ve had good times and I’ve always tried to help him and his kids. But I’m reaching the point where I don’t think I want him around my own children anymore because the volatility just feels exhausting and unhealthy.

Am I overreacting?