Still feel disgusting
Hi, so I was m*lested multiple times in kindergarten by another girl in the classroom. She would touch my area and make me orgasm although I told her I did not like it. Unfortunately I was a people pleaser as a child. I feel disgusting and ashamed when I talk about it because I am 21 F and this happened nearly 15 years ago. I am disgusted that I get turned on when I talk about it, or I have intrusive thoughts of terrible things that I would absolutely not do. I feel damaged.
Do I consult a sexual trauma therapist? I’m also afraid of being judged, I never told my parents, I have only told close friends and medical providers. I have a therapist but it feels more ADHD and depression guided. I am afraid of being judged by her although I told her I get turned on. I just don’t understand how to overcome this, I have repressed this after having a very bad porn and masturbation addiction—which thankfully I don’t anymore (especially bc I started my medication)—but I am just isolated and lost. Thank you to anyone reading :)