u/Feisty_platypus1000

Hi everyone!! I have a roughly 9 month old (my first) and my MIL went from mildlyno to justno ever since I first got pregnant. I also have a husband problem. She oversteps with boundaries and uses emotional manipulation but my husband has a hard time saying no to her. I've also expressed my frustrations numerous times and we're in therapy as well. My MIL usually visits our home and she only comes when my husband is also home. She came one time while he was working and it was really overwhelming and I did not enjoy it. Now my husband wants us to visit her home with baby. We only went one other time during a family gathering. It feels very daunting having to pack solids for baby to eat, toys, diapers, a pack n' play, etc. I also doubt her home is baby proofed. I'd prefer not to go, but I'm still nursing and I'd like to be there to make sure nothing crazy happens. I honestly don't trust her judgment.

Any advice for dealing with the upcoming visit? I always have major anxiety before the day comes. I feel like she'll try to convince my husband and me to leave to get lunch or something while we're visiting so she can get alone time. She's tried that before and I've always declined. The more she asks, the less interested I am in leaving my baby with her. She's also over an hour away, so I'm not trying to drive all the way there just to leave my baby with her. Any advice would be welcome!!!

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Mother's Day!!! I wanted to thank this sub so much for all the advice last week. I have a husband problem and MIL problem and it only got worse after I was pregnant. So many boundaries were crossed and I'm now super LC with my MIL. I deleted a post last week, but basically my MIL and SIL were trying to spend part of my first Mother's Day with me by trying to invite themselves over to our house. I was already clear that I didn't want to spend my first Mother's Day with extended family on either side. I didn't want any hurt feelings and just wanted to enjoy my baby and our new family. My husband has a hard time saying no, so I gave an ultimatum. I told him he could see his family but I would plan to bring the baby to see my mom. I wasn't going to force him to prioritize his wife over his mom. I hoped he would choose our family, but I didn't want him to resent me or feel like I forced him. He chose to spend the day with our family and we had the best day.

Thank you to everyone that gave the advice last week to make other plans and do my own thing if needed. I told my husband how I felt being secondary to his mom, and I think he finally started realizing how infuriating it is for me. My MIL also oversteps so it's not just a husband problem. It felt so nice to be chosen and prioritized on my first Mother's Day and I'm so glad I stood up for myself.

It will be my first Mother's Day and I told my husband...weeks ago...that I wanted to do something with just our new little family for Mother's Day. My mom lives nearby but I didn't have plans to see her. I just really wanted to enjoy spending time as a family for my first Mother's Day. My SIL (single with no kids) was planning to visit my MIL (widowed) and they basically wanted to visit us on Sunday and offered to babysit so my husband and I could go somewhere. That's not what I wanted for my first Mother's Day. I want to spend my first Mother's Day with my baby that made me a mother!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️ My husband doesn't have a backbone and he gets frustrated with me whenever I stand my ground. I told him I didn't want to see them on Mother's Day because I wanted us to stick with our family plans we already discussed. I can tell he's frustrated being stuck in the middle and is basically more concerned with his extended family over my feelings and wants. He was complaining that he never sees his mom. They live about 1.5 hours away, so we don't see them all the time. But he also makes zero effort to plan time for her to visit. And that's not my job either. She last visited 4 weeks ago and now suddenly it's my fault he never sees her? I'm so over his family and I think it's incredibly selfish to hijack a new mother's FIRST Mother's Day. I don't think I'm asking for a whole lot. Unless I'm asking for someone to babysit my child, stop asking! The more they try to bring it up, the less open I am to it. It's so ridiculous. I told him they could visit on Saturday instead so I could accommodate, but I ended up having to cancel a lunch date I had planned with a friend for Saturday (I was planning to bring my baby). I am beyond frustrated and feel like the third wheel in my marriage... am I overreacting? Needed to vent