u/Feisty_platypus1000

How does everyone handle holiday planning with their just no in-laws? MIL called my husband today when I was in the same room and already started asking about our holiday plans on speaker phone 🙄🙄

It's not even Halloween yet!!! My husband started talking about the plans (which we haven't even discussed yet as a nuclear family) and so I finally said we need to talk to my side of the family before we commit to any decisions. It's so frustrating when extended family doesn't seem to understand that we need to make our own plans as a nuclear family. And I don't even want to think about any of this crap until November at the earliest. Is anyone else freaking out about the upcoming holidays? Drives me absolutely crazy 😖

MIL has been a terror since baby was born about a year ago. Husband kept insisting that my MIL stay in our guest room to help me after delivery, but I wasn't ready and didn't want her around during the most vulnerable time of my life. We kept going back and forth on keeping the guest room or removing it. I couldn't stand hosting anyone overnight after becoming a mother. Especially since all of our family is somewhat nearby (MIL is the furthest around 1.5 hrs give or take). Overnight stays were not necessary IMO and we finally agreed to remove the guest room bed and convert the room to a playroom!!! I'm ecstatic at the thought of never having to host anyone overnight again 🥳🥳🥳🥳

Just had to share my joy today 😅😅😅

Hello friends... has anyone directly called or texted their MIL to air your grievances and to ask her to back off? My MIL has been a huge pain in the ass ever since I got pregnant. I'm almost 1 year pp and things have just gotten worse. I have so much resentment and it's become so unhealthy. I recently posted a few days ago after my MIL "gifted" my husband a gift-card to a restaurant over an hour away from us (conveniently 5 min from her house) which was really an excuse to try to force us to allow her to babysit our baby. The gift was ultimately for herself, since she's been begging to babysit since my baby was born. She doesn't even live nearby and it's not convenient or a priority for us to have her babysit right now. And the more she asks and begs to babysit, the more annoyed I have become. I am no contact at this point and we only interact in person. She communicates only through my husband except for a few 3 way group chat texts that I don't respond to. He doesn't see her BS like I do, so I also know that I have a husband problem. I'm trying to delicately bring this up in couples therapy, but has anyone directly confronted your MIL asking her to back off or firmly stating your boundaries? I'm so tired of all the stress and arguments over her and her expectations with having access to our baby.

I've unfortunately had to make a lot of posts in the past with my MIL overstepping boundaries and causing a lot of tension in my marriage. Today she gifted my husband a giftcard for dinner at a restaurant right by her home (over an hour away from us) with the expectation that we allow her to babysit for us. I don't want her to babysit my child without me there. I'm not ready for that yet. And the gift doesn't seem very genuine since it's extremely inconvenient to travel that far with a baby, and there's clearly strings attached. Like enjoy your dinner or lunch but you HAVE to drive over an hour to my neck of the woods and also allow me to have alone time with your kid. Like wtf? Why couldn't she give us a gift card for a restaurant near where we actually live? It's all about having access to the baby. Am I overreacting? I'm beyond frustrated. At this point, I'm going to suggest my husband just have lunch or dinner with her and I'll stay home with baby

Is there a polite way to decline FaceTime calls from MIL so she can see my baby? Husband suggested we start FaceTiming her, but he never asked me if I was comfortable doing that. I don't expect him to FaceTime my parents with our baby. He previously told me he likes my parents, but he has no interest in spending alone time with them. Which is more than fair obviously... since I feel the same way towards her regarding one on one interaction. Everything was amicable for years. Very surface level and cordial. And then, once I became pregnant, she went off the deep end and I can't stand her. I've tried to be open minded but I just can't seem to get there. I'm also exploring these feelings in therapy since it's obviously very unhealthy and frustrating.

I don't think it's fair to expect your spouse to FaceTime your family when you can do it yourself if you want. Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and take a call here and there? Just feels like another unfair expectation. To clarify, I don't even FaceTime my own family and my MIL lives in the same state. It's not like she lives in another country 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Hi everyone!! I have a roughly 9 month old (my first) and my MIL went from mildlyno to justno ever since I first got pregnant. I also have a husband problem. She oversteps with boundaries and uses emotional manipulation but my husband has a hard time saying no to her. I've also expressed my frustrations numerous times and we're in therapy as well. My MIL usually visits our home and she only comes when my husband is also home. She came one time while he was working and it was really overwhelming and I did not enjoy it. Now my husband wants us to visit her home with baby. We only went one other time during a family gathering. It feels very daunting having to pack solids for baby to eat, toys, diapers, a pack n' play, etc. I also doubt her home is baby proofed. I'd prefer not to go, but I'm still nursing and I'd like to be there to make sure nothing crazy happens. I honestly don't trust her judgment.

Any advice for dealing with the upcoming visit? I always have major anxiety before the day comes. I feel like she'll try to convince my husband and me to leave to get lunch or something while we're visiting so she can get alone time. She's tried that before and I've always declined. The more she asks, the less interested I am in leaving my baby with her. She's also over an hour away, so I'm not trying to drive all the way there just to leave my baby with her. Any advice would be welcome!!!

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Mother's Day!!! I wanted to thank this sub so much for all the advice last week. I have a husband problem and MIL problem and it only got worse after I was pregnant. So many boundaries were crossed and I'm now super LC with my MIL. I deleted a post last week, but basically my MIL and SIL were trying to spend part of my first Mother's Day with me by trying to invite themselves over to our house. I was already clear that I didn't want to spend my first Mother's Day with extended family on either side. I didn't want any hurt feelings and just wanted to enjoy my baby and our new family. My husband has a hard time saying no, so I gave an ultimatum. I told him he could see his family but I would plan to bring the baby to see my mom. I wasn't going to force him to prioritize his wife over his mom. I hoped he would choose our family, but I didn't want him to resent me or feel like I forced him. He chose to spend the day with our family and we had the best day.

Thank you to everyone that gave the advice last week to make other plans and do my own thing if needed. I told my husband how I felt being secondary to his mom, and I think he finally started realizing how infuriating it is for me. My MIL also oversteps so it's not just a husband problem. It felt so nice to be chosen and prioritized on my first Mother's Day and I'm so glad I stood up for myself.

It will be my first Mother's Day and I told my husband...weeks ago...that I wanted to do something with just our new little family for Mother's Day. My mom lives nearby but I didn't have plans to see her. I just really wanted to enjoy spending time as a family for my first Mother's Day. My SIL (single with no kids) was planning to visit my MIL (widowed) and they basically wanted to visit us on Sunday and offered to babysit so my husband and I could go somewhere. That's not what I wanted for my first Mother's Day. I want to spend my first Mother's Day with my baby that made me a mother!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️ My husband doesn't have a backbone and he gets frustrated with me whenever I stand my ground. I told him I didn't want to see them on Mother's Day because I wanted us to stick with our family plans we already discussed. I can tell he's frustrated being stuck in the middle and is basically more concerned with his extended family over my feelings and wants. He was complaining that he never sees his mom. They live about 1.5 hours away, so we don't see them all the time. But he also makes zero effort to plan time for her to visit. And that's not my job either. She last visited 4 weeks ago and now suddenly it's my fault he never sees her? I'm so over his family and I think it's incredibly selfish to hijack a new mother's FIRST Mother's Day. I don't think I'm asking for a whole lot. Unless I'm asking for someone to babysit my child, stop asking! The more they try to bring it up, the less open I am to it. It's so ridiculous. I told him they could visit on Saturday instead so I could accommodate, but I ended up having to cancel a lunch date I had planned with a friend for Saturday (I was planning to bring my baby). I am beyond frustrated and feel like the third wheel in my marriage... am I overreacting? Needed to vent