How to heal being unequally yoked?
The bible says not to be with someone who is unequally yoked. And I have no clue what to do in my relationship. When I met this woman I was a "baby Christian" and she had been one her whole life. As time went on and I saw her Christian life and was incredibly disgusted with what I saw. It begun my deconstruction process.
She is very on fire for God, and I have become the exact opposite. We love eachother so much but I don't want my lack of faith to be the reason for her downfall. If I am wrong about God, I do not want such a beautiful and pure soul to be punished for being with me.
The more I look into the Bible and God the more I am disgusted by it. The more I am against it and Him. Yet the more I look at the world the more I yearn for it. Im stuck between not trusting God, but seeing the devil's work in our world and not wanting any part of it. I don't want anything to do with either of those two.
God ignores both me and my girlfriend. She is so on fire for Him and seeing her unwavering faith being met with the life whe has hurts me. She thinks God sent me to help and protect her, I sometimes think the devil sent me to corrupt her. I sometimes think I am evil for helping her and not just leaving her before I begun my deconstruction.
I have done everything I can to love and support her through everything she has been through. I've gotten her through so much pain and self doubt. I urge her constantly to be closer to God even though I stray further because I don't want to drag her down if I am wrong. And I very often think I am. I just more often think I am not.
Everything I do, I do for her. I love her with every fiber of my being, but I do not feel God's love or presence anywhere in my life. She is the most beautiful and amazing thing I have ever experienced and I want to leave her because I don't want to drag her down.
I want to be equally yoked with her without bringing her down, but I feel like I have too many questions that I will never get a satisfying answer to so that I would be on fire for God even half as much as she is.