Now I'm back to wishing we had just eloped.. Feeling sad and a bit ashamed.
It's 10 weeks until the wedding. We had postponed it, and talked about just eloping, or maybe just having a small party with the people we really feel like truly love us, both as a couple and individually, and who was really excited about it. We didn't feel like many of the people on the first draft of the guest list actually cared that much. Didn't ask about the wedding, came with stupid remarks and oppinions whenever we spoke about it, and who often caused drama. But a few months ago, we decided to go ahead with it, mainly as my mother-in-laws health was not going well. And we were very excited. We booked the venue, I designed and handdelivered invites, we planned the day with the only vision being: no one needs to think about anything, there will be good service, good food, good drinks and good people. It will be expensive, but that's the price of not having a headache.
But two weeks ago my mother-in-law passed away. And it's been really difficult. Luckily we never planned for a giant wedding - it will be about 20 people for the party, and 40 for the reception. The dress and suit is found, the reception planned, the dinner and party is planned.. So we didn't have any extra stressors in the middle of all of this..
I only have my mother, and so did my fiancé, and he now only has one sister and a niece, meanwhile I have four siblings and two nephews. So to make up for that, we invited a couple who are longterm family friends on his side, also so my sister-in-law would not risk feeling "alone" in a crowd of friends and my family. We did this to be considerate of her feelings, and also as her daughter is a bit flacky and might not show up.
But yesterday, I spoke to my sister, whom is planning my bachelorette together with my younger sister. I've invited seven in total, and now three of them have all cancelled. And a fourth has never even replied. And no more was said than that, just that they need to work. Not that they really tried, or that they know I will be sad, or that they will continue to do what they can. Just "no" and left the group chat. One of these being my sister-in-law. And I am so sad. My sister debated telling me, but she didn't want me to be sad and dissapointed on the day, so she choose to tell me in advance.. Which I appreciate.
My fiancé is very upset with his sister - but I feel like we can't do anything. I don't want to reach out and betray my sister reaching out to me about it.. She told me to not do that. And fair enough - I get that people have to work weekends sometimes, but the fact they just suddenly (10 weeks before) say "I can't" and leave the group just seems so definite.
For a long time I've battled with feeling like I (and we) do what I can to take other peoples feelings into account - it's been an ongoing theme in the wedding planning - but now I'm just truly hurt and feel like people are not prioritizing my/ours feelings and needs for once. And I don't know how to deal with it.
I'm sure we'll have an amazing day anyways, but I feel hurt, and I feel ashamed that my sisters are planning this great day (I am sure it will be with those two planning it) and then all these people just cancel. My sister suspect it might be the budget, but no one has said anything about it. And they had all agreed on a date beforehand! Also, I know (but shouldn't) that we are having our bacherlor(ette) parties on the same day, and then we will all meet up in the evening, so I know they can't just change the date. The guys have already planned everything - only my ex-stepbrother has said he can't come, because he had to take care of the baby, so his girlfriend could come, who has also cancelled. Just the other day we spent the whole day with her and my ex-stepbrother, and they never said anything. I don't know what to do.
Last night me and my fiancé spoke and we both agreed that we'd wish we had just eloped, but also that our feelings are just super raw right now..
Sorry for the wall of text, but I'm hoping someone here can help me. Have anybody been in this situation before? How did you manage this? Or does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?
Thank you ❤️