My/33m partner 35f went on a boat trip with a recently divorced man 45m, hid the details from me, and went up to his apartment. I'm feeling betrayed
Me 33M partner 35F and I have a daughter together. We have been in a relationship for 6 years.
The other morning, when I got home from work, my partner called me and said something like: "You know my grandmother’s ex-husband’s son M45 who gave us clothes for our daughter? They are taking the boat out and wondered if we wanted to come along. I just wanted to check with you."
Since she used the word "they"(last time we talked about him he was married, so i obviously assumed they meant him+wife and kid) and made it sound like a family outing, I said: "Of course, why are you even calling to ask about that?" (She usually never calls to check with me before doing everyday activities, so this was already a break in her normal pattern).
Later that evening, I woke up and saw pictures from their day. It was just my partner, our daughter, the guy, and his daughter.
I confronted her and asked why she painted a picture of a group/family outing including his wife. That's when she dropped the bomb that he is recently divorced. What makes this even weirder is that my partner doesn't even really know this man(only know off him). He didn't even recognize her at first when they met; they had mostly just heard of each other. So he had apparently invited her specifically. I instantly got a really gross feeling about the whole thing.
When I confronted her, the trickle-truthing started. Here are her excuses:
She claims it was "completely innocent" and just a fun boat ride for our daughter.
When I asked why she didn't mention it was just going to be the two of them (and the kids) when she called me, she said: "Oops, I must have forgotten." How do you forget a detail like that?!
She claims "I was honest the whole time," because she called first, but she was clearly only telling half-truths to maintain plausible deniability.
She claims she "didn't know they were divorced when she accepted the boat ride" and "just assumed the wife was at work."
When I asked why the guy didn't ask if I (her partner) wanted to come along, she just said, "It didn't come up."
I had to kinda force all of this information out of her(although she did send photos of the ride) But then, the worst part came out: After the boat ride, she followed him up to his apartment to "check it out."
I know nothing physical happened, but it honestly doesn't matter. The entire chain of events feels so incredibly sneaky, and the emotional impact on my trust is the exact same. The lying by omission, hiding the true nature of the meetup, and going up to a recently divorced man's apartment... it's just so shady.
Now, she is completely devastated. She cries constantly and keeps repeating: "I'm so sorry, I will never do it again, I didn't know... I would never have done it if I knew you wouldn't accept it. I only love you, i'm not attracted to the guy, i only went beacuse it would be fun for our daughter".
To me, it sounds like BS. She's acting naive, putting the responsibility on me to set basic relationship boundaries, and her crying just shifts the focus to making me feel sorry for her. Also i really feel like she 100% belive her own lies.
She also wrote her grandmother during the outing saying oh i just met x and his daughter as in like a fun family activities, but all the earlier deseptive behavior makes that feel more as an alibi and as a way of lowering her own guilt.
I need input, as i said i know nothing physical happened, i'm not sure about her motives, but i feel like she wanted the attention and gave him enough to make him at least feel like she might be interested as well as is very weak with boundaries, so the attention would not stop completely.
She is also timid and once ate seafood although she is a vegan, just because there was social pressure to do so, also drank once even though she had been sober for a year also because her friends was drinking and she did not want to tell them no