How do I (25F) get my BF (23M) to care about himself?
Before anyone assumes- yes he bathes, works and does chores, but we live together and have been together for over 5 years and I have yet to see him care about himself the way he does for other people. This sounds like a good thing. It is sometimes, but his care for others usually manifests in a way that hurts him. He always tells me he doesn’t want to be a douchebag; he doesn’t want to be “that guy.” He refuses to call out of work because he doesn’t want to leave his coworkers hanging (there are plenty to cover his shift, he isn’t a manager) and doesn’t want to seem unreliable. I’ve seen him go to work nodding off on the drive there, or sniffling because he’s sick. He will take a call from anyone, anywhere and any time, regardless if he has the time or not. He refuses to bother service workers because he doesn’t want to be a Karen (I don’t think he even has it in him) or be seen as rude. He lets his coworkers slack off and takes their share of the work without saying anything to them or management because he doesn’t want to be a snitch or again, “that guy.” I have to stay quiet when he contemplates buying ANYTHING (food, clothes, snacks, nice things, etc) for himself because if I suggest he deserves it or it’ll be nice for him he will immediately put the item/s away and refuse to buy them for himself. He’ll even refuse me buying it for him, and will argue it’s all of a sudden unnecessary! If I don’t urge him to do nice things for himself (besides staying clean and looking nice) he will not do it on his own. Being a charitable and giving person is one thing, but to deprive yourself of respect and the occasional nice thing is just wild to me. It feels really draining to care about myself and another human being, especially when I know he is capable of caring about himself. I always feel like his voice of reason, the one to tell him he should stand up for himself. He says he struggles with self-esteem issues, but I feel like it goes deeper than that. He’s told me he doesn’t really care about his own needs being met, as long as I and the people he cares about are happy. This worries me and he has resisted my therapy suggestions in the past. How do I get it across to him that I care about him and that he should too?