Please help me get back to my faith
I’m a 21-year-old male, and I struggle heavily with the sins of lust and adultery. There are times when I feel like something other than God is fighting to take control of my soul. I feel sick, ashamed, and trapped in this overwhelming cycle of dread, agony, and sorrow. It feels like a never-ending loop where I say I’ll repent, but I don’t—or I do well for a day, then fall right back into sin.
What scares me most is the thought that my salvation is gone and that there’s no hope left for me. I hear people say “once saved, always saved,” but I don’t know what to believe anymore. I know the Bible says faith without works is dead, and that terrifies me because my actions don’t always reflect the faith I say I have.
There are also moments where I genuinely feel God calling out to me, but I ignore Him. This might sound childish or immature, but sometimes when I’m scrolling on social media, I’ll suddenly come across videos about Christianity, and part of me wonders if that could be Him reaching out to me and trying to get my attention. I’ll also feel this really strong urge to pray or read the Bible. But instead of responding, I avoid it because I feel ashamed, disgusted with myself, angry, and spiritually numb.
When I do fall into those sins, I struggle deeply with the strong sense of conviction afterward. I feel guilt, fear, and disappointment in myself, and sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that instead of running toward God, I end up pulling farther away from Him.
I want to come back to God, but I don’t know how anymore. I’m scared, exhausted, and confused. How do I return to Him when I keep falling back into the same sins?
Sorry for the long rant