How can I (f29) forgive my friend (f30) after she asked me to second guess my engagement
I got engaged six months ago - my fiancé proposed on mu birthday.
I was beyond happy. We had been talking about wanting to get married eventually for a year so it wasn’t a surprise. But his proposal was really cute.
I told close friends and family right away. A week after our engagement said friend called me. I met her in college. We live in the same city but she was on a sabbatical at the time.
She called me to congratulate me - but also to ask whether I was sure I wanted to marry him. I was so taken aback by that question that I asked her why she would ask me this. She explained that in the past she had noticed he had a way of explaining things to me in a way that felt rude to her. And that I had told her that I wasn’t getting along with his sister and sometimes annoyed by his family.
All those things were true. Yet I was still felt surprised by her question. Sure I don’t like that he tends to be a know it all and his family can be triggering. But more importantly he make me feel happy, loved, safe, supported and understood in a way no one else has done before.
I told her that. We hung up. Her question left me sad and confused. I wondered if over friends felt the same. If I was blindsided. If she saw something I didn’t.
It took me a month of long talks with other friends to came to the conclusion she was the only one thinking this. Moreover, I realised how rude her question had been. Sure, good friends should ask each other difficult questions. But there just weren’t any signs that warranted her worry. Our relationship has made me more confident, brave enough to quit my toxic job to pursue a second degree. And I’m still prioritising friendships like I had before we met.
So we met after she returned home. I told her my honest thoughts. And how her question had overshadowed my engagement for a while. And how I felt like her not liking certain aspects of my fiancé wasn’t enough to warrant this. How I appreciated her honesty and knew it was coming from a place of love - and yet wished she hadn’t said anything.
She apologised. We cried and went for a coffee. And I thought that was that.
But I’m still not over it. For starters, I feel weird talking about my fiancé to her. When they are in the same room I get nervous. I resent her for not making more of an effort to get to know him yet I also don’t want to invite her over myself. So we always spend time outside of my apartment and without my fiancé. I resent her for mentioning other friend’s husbands she spends time with.
I really like her. But I also want to be friends with someone I feel comfortable meeting my fiancé.
Is this something I can get over?