long term relationship help
My boyfriend (28M) and I (26F)have been together long term and recently things have felt really off.
He’s been struggling financially and is in a lot of debt, which I know has been causing him a lot of stress. Four days ago we went to the race track for a date. He paid for the entrance tickets, I packed snacks, and then I bought us dinner afterward.
The next day he was working on his car about an hour and ten minutes away at his buddies garage, and called me saying he was hungry. He heavily implied that I should bring him food, but in a nice way. Normally I probably would have, but I was tied up dealing with my bank and had a scheduled family call straight after to deal with some lawyer issues,so I couldn’t make the drive. Mind you, before I was on call with the bank, I was enjoying an afternoon out in the sun just reading a book and relaxing.
He got upset and said something along the lines of, “This is why I can’t rely on anyone. It’s my fault for not having food.”
The following day he came back to our place, grabbed some of his things, and went back to stay at his mom’s house. We’ve basically been living together at my house for about six months, so this felt pretty significant to me.
Last night I called him several times because I was anxious about the situation, and he only answered while he was out getting ramen with his friends.
This morning we finally talked. He said he needs to focus on getting out of debt, and he also told me that I need to be more productive with my life. i’ve been trying to get a job for the summer, as I am finishing my masters degree during the fall/winter. The fact that I do not have a job also seems to be a problem. He’s said before that he feels I don’t do enough for the relationship, and when I have an example of how I drove him to work last week when he didn’t have gas, he said I was throwing it back in his face. He asks to go to the gym, but at late nights with me, and I would be fine going to the gym, but not at 10 at night if that makes sense (for an example).
He says he doesn’t want to break up, and right now I’m trying to respect his request for space. At the same time, I’m confused and hurt. Part of me wonders if this is mostly financial stress spilling into the relationship, while another part wonders if these are deeper issues he’s been holding onto for a while. I asked if he still loves me, and he said yes, but love has nothing to do with the situation currently.
Has anyone been through something similar? If your partner pulled away and asked for space while insisting they didn’t want to end the relationship, what did you do? Did giving them space help, or is there something else I should be paying attention to here