u/Few-Initiative-7690

i lost an family member who was my little cousin and was immensely close since babies. raised together and spent if not everyday, every other day together. lost that person last sept on a fun night out in a matter of seconds. long story short i begin having spiritual battles. it was spiritual warfare like no other bc of something i said while in the hospital bed that day. ive always been close to god and thats my faith, who i believe in no one and nothing else. but i couldnt bare loosing my cousin so i called on his opponent within those moments. i was hurt and shattered and distraught. i began having bad dreams, seeing things, hearing things and all. i opened that door, but ive gotten back close with god and iim much better. now this is the point. after a couple days maybe a week or two at most (already having the dreams, not too sure but i trust my gut so i was seeing black blurs and shadows in the corner of my eye doing while im doing things in my house like cooking or washing the dishes.) flies appeared at my house. they covered the whole front of my house and was attached onto the front like no other and kept coming back no matter what. my sister was telling me that her son was up in the middle of the night looking at my cousins picture of him thats in the living room in the corner of the living room. she woke up and saw that and was scared bc he was just sitting up at 2am looking directly up at it. it sits very high. she told me that "somethings weird like weird energy brother, idk what it is but i feel it". i didnt say alot bc i felt like the more i spoke ab it the more it invited whatever it was in. idk if it was my cousin or some other entity. couldn't been my cousin bra idk tho. ever since loosing him i tapped into my spiritual gifts heavily. why, before the situation happened i kept having an dream of me getting shot in the right side of my shoulder/chest area. over and over and over again about 1or2 months before it happened. it never made sense to me bc me and my cousin and family live a good life and straight life. all athletes and are good ppl so it scared me which resulted to me not going out no more bc coming from my bloodline i come from we are churched raised and also spiritually gifted in many ways. i took it as an sign bc it started becoming more and more real as i began feeling the shot, impact and remembering the faces of who was all around looking down at the ground at me. i told my oldest cause her husband/her asked why i haven't been going out. i explained why also bc i help coach an football team since i wasnt actively playing football at the moment. too much time on your hands is the devils playground and i live by that. long story short i finally started telling my family ab the things i was experiencing. my mom saged my room and when i say it felt like i was genuinely hit with a flash bang i mean it. everything went bright as soon as i walked into my room, i got lightheaded and legs felt weak. i played it off but told my mom a few days later bc it scared me just how my bod reacted to it being around it all my life that was an first. long story short my nana said start meditating but me i cant be in my head too long cause im dealing with so much things its hard. when i would try even till this day i see and hear things yell at me, it'll be faintly then zip by getting louder and repeat that. so it will throw my focus off and when i would pray also. i went out into nature for the first time and went on an hike, i was sitting ontop of an waterfall and chose to try meditating and when doing so once i found that flow and place for me i opened my eyes an nothing had no color besides the water. it was white but a light white. trees, rocks everything had no color. i snapped out of it fast cause it was crazy but one thing ab me and nature it energizes me like no other. as soon as im in nature or mountains to be specific my body will begin to send things like shockwaves if i can make an comparison. its equivalent to you humming and feeling that sensation in your chest knees head temple hands. thats what happens to me and it brings the happiness outta me. its when i feel most alive and connected bc ever since that loss of an cousin ive experienced disassociation in every way and can channel it like a switch bc thats the personality i battle everyday. i can go on and on but this was the fastest way to break some of the things im going thru down with context. thanks in advance.

im 24 years old. long story short i lost an family member who was my little cousin and was immensely close since babies. raised together and spent if not everyday, every other day together. lost that person last sept on a fun night out in a matter of seconds. long story short i begin having spiritual battles. it was spiritual warfare like no other bc of something i said while in the hospital bed that day. ive always been close to god and thats my faith, who i believe in no one and nothing else. but i couldnt bare loosing my cousin so i called on his opponent within those moments. i was hurt and shattered and distraught. i began having bad dreams, seeing things, hearing things and all. i opened that door, but ive gotten back close with god and iim much better. now this is the point. after a couple days maybe a week or two at most (already having the dreams, not too sure but i trust my gut so i was seeing black blurs and shadows in the corner of my eye doing while im doing things in my house like cooking or washing the dishes.) flies appeared at my house. they covered the whole front of my house and was attached onto the front like no other and kept coming back no matter what. my sister was telling me that her son was up in the middle of the night looking at my cousins picture of him thats in the living room in the corner of the living room. she woke up and saw that and was scared bc he was just sitting up at 2am looking directly up at it. it sits very high. she told me that "somethings weird like weird energy brother, idk what it is but i feel it". i didnt say alot bc i felt like the more i spoke ab it the more it invited whatever it was in. idk if it was my cousin or some other entity. couldn't been my cousin bra idk tho. ever since loosing him i tapped into my spiritual gifts heavily. why, before the situation happened i kept having an dream of me getting shot in the right side of my shoulder/chest area. over and over and over again about 1or2 months before it happened. it never made sense to me bc me and my cousin and family live a good life and straight life. all athletes and are good ppl so it scared me which resulted to me not going out no more bc coming from my bloodline i come from we are churched raised and also spiritually gifted in many ways. i took it as an sign bc it started becoming more and more real as i began feeling the shot, impact and remembering the faces of who was all around looking down at the ground at me. i told my oldest cause her husband/her asked why i haven't been going out. i explained why also bc i help coach an football team since i wasnt actively playing football at the moment. too much time on your hands is the devils playground and i live by that. long story short i finally started telling my family ab the things i was experiencing. my mom saged my room and when i say it felt like i was genuinely hit with a flash bang i mean it. everything went bright as soon as i walked into my room, i got lightheaded and legs felt weak. i played it off but told my mom a few days later bc it scared me just how my bod reacted to it being around it all my life that was an first. long story short my nana said start meditating but me i cant be in my head too long cause im dealing with so much things its hard. when i would try even till this day i see and hear things yell at me, it'll be faintly then zip by getting louder and repeat that. so it will throw my focus off and when i would pray also. i went out into nature for the first time and went on an hike, i was sitting ontop of an waterfall and chose to try meditating and when doing so once i found that flow and place for me i opened my eyes an nothing had no color besides the water. it was white but a light white. trees, rocks everything had no color. i snapped out of it fast cause it was crazy but one thing ab me and nature it energizes me like no other. as soon as im in nature or mountains to be specific my body will begin to send things like shockwaves if i can make an comparison. its equivalent to you humming and feeling that sensation in your chest knees head temple hands. thats what happens to me and it brings the happiness outta me. its when i feel most alive and connected bc ever since that loss of an cousin ive experienced disassociation in every way and can channel it like a switch bc thats the personality i battle everyday. i can go on and on but this was the fastest way to break some of the things im going thru down with context. thanks in advance.

im 24 years old. long story short i lost an family member who was my little cousin and was immensely close since babies. raised together and spent if not everyday, every other day together. lost that person last sept on a fun night out in a matter of seconds. long story short i begin having spiritual battles. it was spiritual warfare like no other bc of something i said while in the hospital bed that day. ive always been close to god and thats my faith, who i believe in no one and nothing else. but i couldnt bare loosing my cousin so i called on his opponent within those moments. i was hurt and shattered and distraught. i began having bad dreams, seeing things, hearing things and all. i opened that door, but ive gotten back close with god and iim much better. now this is the point. after a couple days maybe a week or two at most (already having the dreams, not too sure but i trust my gut so i was seeing black blurs and shadows in the corner of my eye doing while im doing things in my house like cooking or washing the dishes.) flies appeared at my house. they covered the whole front of my house and was attached onto the front like no other and kept coming back no matter what. my sister was telling me that her son was up in the middle of the night looking at my cousins picture of him thats in the living room in the corner of the living room. she woke up and saw that and was scared bc he was just sitting up at 2am looking directly up at it. it sits very high. she told me that "somethings weird like weird energy brother, idk what it is but i feel it". i didnt say alot bc i felt like the more i spoke ab it the more it invited whatever it was in. idk if it was my cousin or some other entity. couldn't been my cousin bra idk tho. ever since loosing him i tapped into my spiritual gifts heavily. why, before the situation happened i kept having an dream of me getting shot in the right side of my shoulder/chest area. over and over and over again about 1or2 months before it happened. it never made sense to me bc me and my cousin and family live a good life and straight life. all athletes and are good ppl so it scared me which resulted to me not going out no more bc coming from my bloodline i come from we are churched raised and also spiritually gifted in many ways. i took it as an sign bc it started becoming more and more real as i began feeling the shot, impact and remembering the faces of who was all around looking down at the ground at me. i told my oldest cause her husband/her asked why i haven't been going out. i explained why also bc i help coach an football team since i wasnt actively playing football at the moment. too much time on your hands is the devils playground and i live by that. long story short i finally started telling my family ab the things i was experiencing. my mom saged my room and when i say it felt like i was genuinely hit with a flash bang i mean it. everything went bright as soon as i walked into my room, i got lightheaded and legs felt weak. i played it off but told my mom a few days later bc it scared me just how my bod reacted to it being around it all my life that was an first. long story short my nana said start meditating but me i cant be in my head too long cause im dealing with so much things its hard. when i would try even till this day i see and hear things yell at me, it'll be faintly then zip by getting louder and repeat that. so it will throw my focus off and when i would pray also. i went out into nature for the first time and went on an hike, i was sitting ontop of an waterfall and chose to try meditating and when doing so once i found that flow and place for me i opened my eyes an nothing had no color besides the water. it was white but a light white. trees, rocks everything had no color. i snapped out of it fast cause it was crazy but one thing ab me and nature it energizes me like no other. as soon as im in nature or mountains to be specific my body will begin to send things like shockwaves if i can make an comparison. its equivalent to you humming and feeling that sensation in your chest knees head temple hands. thats what happens to me and it brings the happiness outta me. its when i feel most alive and connected bc ever since that loss of an cousin ive experienced disassociation in every way and can channel it like a switch bc thats the personality i battle everyday. i can go on and on but this was the fastest way to break some of the things im going thru down with context. thanks in advance.