r/Meditation

I started meditating a while ago, but now I have a problem. When I meditate, my saliva production bothers me a lot. I try to ignore it and let it flow, and sometimes it works a little, but it often breaks my meditative state. I don't think I've noticed any of this before; it's just something that came up now during my practice that I can neither control nor let flow, and it leaves me feeling a bit helpless and kinda anoyed

Say you are using your mind like in the state of "people watching." This use of your mind has only 11 bits of processing power. There is little room here, not a lot of space. It can be delightful to watch the colors and motion on the outside. But soon you will run into a wall. And after ten minutes or so you can get tired of looking outward.

In meditation, looking inward, we have this kind of quantum quality. More space and more time. Actually, space and time are exactly the same as existence in meditation. One with existence. This is how we understand the word "being", in the widest sense of the word.

Being is seamless. When we compare, contrast, judge our surroundings... This is when we feel our rough edges. Our rough edges and our seamless being make up our whole being. Both are necessary to function. Yet, we forget the meditation part or looking inward a lot of the time.

I've been meditating early in the morning for a while now, and I'm not quite sure about a couple of things.

Firstly, how normal it is that my head is not quite working properly yet, I suppose it depends on type of meditation, but generally speaking does the quality of meditation suffer a lot as a result?

I meditate twice a day now, half an hour early in the morning and usually same amount of time before bed; But by the end of the day it feels as though I have more thoughts, and it seems to me that before going to sleep I sort them all out; they're also much clearer, which makes them easier to understand.

I heard from many people that meditation in the morning is the most helpful for starting the day off right.

Just curious how it works for you.

To start I have been meditating for roughly 20 minutes a day, for the last 4.5 montha. During my meditation today after maybe 20 minutes of noticing, noting and describing thoughts and sensations as "pleasant", "Unpleasant", "Neutral", and "felt with aversion, attachment" etc. Then returning to breath / open awareness I noticed that I was tense in my head and as I relaxed I felt these like "gates" open as part of my awareness descended further down from my normal sense of being in my head and it felt more and more loose / flowy like a liquid that was being poured in from the top of my skull (very subtle feeling though it wasn't violent at all)and I became more calm and serene.

Frustration and annoyance made these gates close and the feeling of my consciousness / looseness in my head go back up. While it is descending from the head where I normally feel my consciousness it is calm and this tends to happen when I am not necessarily focusing on anything or trying to control my consciousness. This happened ONLY after I stopped trying to force my attention on my breath and instead remained open to thoughts and sensations without letting them control my mental state / awareness.

I also realized I cannot control the outcome or try to grasp for it. I must always release all expectations and assumptions because the mind cannot conceive what could possibly happen next and grasping for it causes it to recoil away.

Also I noticed that what is accompanied with this sensation I will experience a strong tingling in my butt / tailbone that feels like a swirling whirlpool, and over time if it matters I have become quite aware of a swirling sensation in my awareness within my head that seems to be somehow correlated with my emotional state and thought patterns / lack of thought patterns being identified with the ego.

What am I experiencing? I would like to read about this. Does anyone have any input on this? I would be thrilled and very grateful if someone can shed light, thank you!

Hello everyone, all the guided mediations I found on the internet felt didn´t fit. I just didn´nt find anything that felt authentic, most of the time it was like the person was just reading a text without having insight. "Do this, then that" and then you find inner peace yappa yappa.

I wonder if guided meditations is even a legit way for insight? What´s your experience on this?

Would be very happy for some recommendations for guided meditation :)

Whenever i do a guided meditation, they say to do this. But all it does for me is make me focus on it more and controlling the breathing to the point that it actually causes me discomfort in the chest.

How is it possible to focus on the breath without controlling it?

Hi, thank you for taking some time looking at this post. I would like to share a particular story of me after a particular meditation which has me really concerned about my own mental health and would appreciate any feedback and insight onto what happened as well as to what I should do next.

To preface I was looking to ordain as a Theravada monk in a Thai monastery. I am a self learned practitioner who does mainly anapanasati (breathing mindfulness) since I was a teenager (18-20ish) and I am 33 now. The following experience happened after a particular meditation session using a new technique I've devised myself after discussing meditation with a fellow layman at the monastery. Simply watching the breathing go in and out is the basic of basics, the new technique is adjusting that a bit: after noticing each breath I would stop and focus on the nostrils then see if there are any active thoughts going through my head if yes then I would keep holding my breath - if not then I would continue breathing in/out. Using this technique I've had a meditation session more intense than any other I've had in the past.

--- Actual Experience ---

Here is the actual experience and how it began itself: I was sitting in a hut alone around 7pm and started to meditate. After some time of intense concentration, all of a sudden it was as if a sudden personality shift occurred in me. (Please note I do not remember the exact words I have uttered going forwards but it'll be similar.) Right after the "shift" I said out "Oh behold devas, the time has come. Come for I have much dharma to teach" while simultaneously doing mudra hand signs constantly changing throughout the rest of this event (and later during the night even proclaim it the language of devas). During this "episode" I myself was aware of the meaning of the hand signs but in retrospect now sane I have no idea nor could I replicate those hand signs.

I then got up, got dressed and headed out without a flashlight - all whilst doing dharma talks inside my head and occasionally out softly in speech. I remember the whole thing but not what dharma talks in particular exactly I was talking about except for one later on which stuck with me. I started to walk deeper into the forest following a small paved path (this was a forest monastery which is pitch-black at night with minimal infrastructure). Along the way I rested down on the paved road looking up through the trees I discern shapes out of what I can see through the leaves to the sky. I recognized these distinct shapes to be two devas. Also along I way I saw what appeared to be fireflies for brief moments as I walked through the forest which I saw as devas.

After a bit of conversing with devas I got up and continued on and stopped at a meditation hall (? called a boat in Thai). Inside the hall I looked outside to an invisible crowd talking dharma to invisible ghost figures with no shape while also acknowledging devas once in a while. After a bit I tried to climb to sit on a heightened platform intended for monks but slipping in the process and hurt my face and finger, finger was mostly alright but face was bleeding and I could feel the blood flowing down my face. I proclaimed that this is intentional to demonstrate that while the mind may be mastered the body still follows the rules of the physical realm. Then I started to preach the one dharma talk that I could recall at time of writing: that death is inevitable, I rubbed the blood off my face and showed it to the crowd stating that no matter who it is - no matter how enlightened will die and to not forget this fact.

Some time passed, and I declared I will be taking a rest now. I took a short rest laying on the platform for a while. After noticing the crowd no longer there I decided to "go back to my abode" and went off into the darkness and into some hut and began to rest on something which I would later find to be a table. And then just like that I came to myself, confused in the dark with no idea where I am - I looked around and turned the lights on and found I was resting on a table between two big framed pictures of two famed Thai monks. This was a hut I've never been to but I could tell it was an important one.

After a brief moment wandering around that hut confused I could tell I was nearby a pathway I recognized so I turned the lights off and tried to find my way back to my actual hut. I had no flashlight so I slowly made my way back, luckily the only eventful thing that happened was me stepping on what felt like a frog which quickly leapt(?) away. I found my way back checked the clock and it was about 12:10~am so roughly 5 hours after I first began my meditation at 7:00pm.

--- Additional Info: Weed ---

There is one more important fact I'd like to share. Although this is the first time I've experienced this episode after a session of meditation, this isn't overall the first time something like this happened. About roughly 2~ years ago I had worked in a weed shop, note that I am not a regular consumer of weed at all and would avoid it in any regular circumstance (I worked there from a recommendation by a family member who plans to open their own shop and wanted me to get some experience working in such a shop). I was working the counter selling the products and the shop wanted me to understand the products to better recommend them to customers. One day, the shop had made a new infused brownie and I was invited to try it.

And so I tried it, took one piece out of four and it was one of the worse choices of my life. Actually wrote a separate story for the whole experience but saved it in a notepad file in a separate computer which is currently broke. It is a similar experience - talking to devas so I'll give a short version only describing the more different parts: initially during the start it was different. I was manning the counter and time slowed down heavily and my legs felt like it was constantly being cut apart. Then I noticed a man sitting across me in a chair; he looks like a regular Thai person with dark skin. he asked me if I understood what is going on. The man was smiling the entire time but I was in a deep panic. My own thoughts were slowed and I found myself barely able to speak. I recall at least asking the man who he was to which he looked confused and does not reply.

Some time elapsed and I found myself trying to get away and upstairs to the 2nd floor stumbling and some staff came and got me to a room on the 2nd floor to rest on the floor. Not much time passed as I got up and somehow got used to the condition and then just like that the first time I've felt a sudden "personality shift" I left the shop starting doing the whole hand mudra and talking to devas stuff in public in a major public area. Didn't take long before for the first time in my life I was taken to a police station behind bars. Luckily I just had to stay one night before I was let out with a fine for disorderly conduct I believe.

Since then roughly every 4-6 months~ I would wake up in the morning or night, and have an episode doing the whole mudra and chant but it was always in my apartment room alone so I thought it was a temporary affliction. As time went by, the time between each episode increases to the point I thought it was a non-issue but apparently not.

--- Additional Info: General ---

Continuing on from the story in present day monastery, the next morning after the whole thing happened I went to talk to the head monk and told him the entire story. To cut it brief he is not sure about the whole thing but that he is concerned that I might be further harming myself if this goes on. The monastery has a policy of not accepting people with mental disorders which when I first joined I genuinely believed the whole weed experience thing wasn't any more an issue. Now seeing that there very much is an issue I suggested to the monk that I believe that it would be best I leave. After a few minutes of him looking contemplative he had agreed that it is likely best I leave. During the conversation the head monk had also suggested that perhaps a different monastery, or retreat(? I do not remember the exact word he used) with a monk more specialized in intense meditation may be of more help. The same day I left the monastery.

I am a very forgetful person normally so I can't recall everything except for particularly impactful things so I'm sure I missed details here and there - the specifics of the dharma talks for instance, which were just stuff I already know in my life so they weren't so impactful compared to everything else. At some point I did a dharma talk with solely the hand signs intended as a sutta specifically only for devas which me at the time intuitively understood but not sane me now in retrospect.

--- Ending notes ---

I'd like to note I am heavily skeptical of what happened to be true (devas and all that), I am concerned for my own mental health and is considering some sort of mental health check up.

I also have another concern as I have been looking to ordain as a Buddhist monk for my remaining life. I've wanted to do this since I was around 20~ years old only holding back until now since you need parent's permission to do so which only recently did they agree now. And with this whole new issue I am deeply concerned going forwards on what to do. I don't think it hard to imagine that most monasteries would have an issue with someone who would randomly go batsh*t insane ordain.

At time of writing I am currently living at my relatives' house in Thailand who I shared the whole story with and they have banned me from meditation out of fear that I may undergo an episode. I intend to respect their wishes.

I am new to posting on reddit so I am not sure if I am posting on the right subreddit, so my sincerest apologies if this isn't the most appropriate place. Also not entirely sure if I should repost to other subreddits.

Thank you for reading

I know this is a common topic here, I’m not into nofap stuff, but I decide to quit porn bc I was truly addicted and meditation helped me to see that, anyways, I noticed than when I last 4 or 5 days without any kind of masturbation/eyaculation in general I tend to have a lot of energy, like too much energy, and this is not something bad indeed, but I simply can’t meditate, I tried to meditate as normal, and simply can’t go too deep? I don’t feel the full benefits of meditation neither I tried this for a couple weeks and I was unable to meditate the whole time, so I just did it, I masturbate a couple times and suddenly was able to meditate as normal, I no longer have an addiction since months, I don’t even feel pleasure from porn anymore, but this is something weird xd, is not annoying or something I’m just curious why so I could understand my meditations and brain better.

So i was just meditating in bed for few hours

Just relaxing really..

I have 0 interest to scroll see social media and consume shi**y content

Then i go out on balcony, i sit down on chair and i just randomly stare at sky ( is 11pm )

It never happened before , i was truly enjoying the moment , is like there was some sort of connection , something raw and true

So i randomly think if someone is seeing me give me a sign

Within 10-15 seconds a meteor on my right appear and diseappeae after few seconds while i was watching sky

I randomly take phone and google whats the probability of this happening ( generally is really low )

I was somehow excited then after i finish i redo this and i repeat it , i say , if someone is watching me give a sign , again same thing 10-20 seonds and another one appears in distance and diseappears

This was even more shocking

The probability of this happening is extremely low

Then again i wait a bit after excitement etc

Now i did again for third time and what happened was a weird really fast blue flash ( it was no airplane , no meteor , no satellite ) it was literally a super bright blue flash from the sky that lasted like 50 milliseconds

This just happened 5 minutes ago

i had an extremely traumatic experience in the last year that’s left me unable to meditate because it leaves me more activated and panicked when i sink in.

for about two years, i was doing yoga nidras daily and it brought me to a really beautiful state of consciousness that i miss and want to experience again.

has anyone regained their meditation practice after trauma, and how so? also, vipassana was fine for me in the past, but i really preferred recorded yoga nidras i could follow along with.

i’m currently doing EMDR and have been trying to maintain a commitment to nervous system exercises and yoga, but id like to hear if anyone found their way back to the thing that once most benefitted them and now is a potential harm. it’s a real grief, honestly.

ETA: i realized that “activated and panicked” wasn’t exactly the right phrase for what im describing. to be clearer, i have had full-on classic PTSD flashbacks and classic panic attacks when trying to meditate as i was used to. anyways, thank yall for your helpful suggestions!

As i said straight back position is better for meditating, just generally having a straight spine might be better. I Can't explain why, but maybe because you get more air flow, which helps you with breathwork for example. and many more reasons, not only that optimal lung capacity will literally be better, which naturally triggers your body's relaxation response. And an upright spine signals to your nervous system that it is time to be awake, alert, and focused. so yall see where im getting?? And Like i heard somewhere That when you have a straight spine your energy may flow better, like to your chakras and shi yk?? It's honestly just an information i randomly got in my head while meditating

I tried to find similar posts but nothing that was exactly my problem came up. It doesn’t matter what position I’m in. There is always something uncomfortable about it. When I am awake, I am always moving, to counter act this. Then at night, I drown out the awareness of the pain by watching YouTube videos till I knick out, so that I don’t spend all night tossing and turning. More than a minute or two of stillness *in any position* will begin to hurt some joint or nerve. It’s not chronic pain in one spot, it’s positional, but it’s present in every position. This is probably due to a mix of 10+ injuries I’ve sustained as well as hypermobility.

This is causing me a major road block in doing any meditation at all. I’m supposed to do meditation because my nervous system is seriously fucked from a disease I have. My solution to this problem used to be to meditate while walking under the stars, but due to my illness, I cannot walk anymore.

I feel so lost. I get into position, start my meditation, but then I notice a point of discomfort. I try to ignore it but it becomes bigger and bigger in my mind until I’m so overstimulated and I just have to move. So I reposition, and then it just happens all over again. The regular since for chronic pain and meditation is to learn to exist alongside the pain, but that doesn’t work very well when I know that just shifting position will alleviate the pain. I don’t know what to do!

I started meditation a few months ago and my awareness increased, I can see more clearly what's happening in my head. And I noticed that my brother lives rent free in my head. He has done pretty shady things to me in the past. And even tho I still don't fully trust him, I don't think he's an actual threat.

The thing is that whenever I want to make a decision, an opinion, or do something in general, a little part in my mind thinks of him, like I need his validation or that his opinion weights more than mine for some reason. And I really want to get rid of this. I don't want to blame him for anything anymore. I just want to be free. And since I've read that meditation can also help with detachment and figuring things out, I'm happy to learn if I can peacefully solve this.

Sorry in advance for my english, and thanks for reading! :)

Hi everyone! I’d like to ask for input from more experienced meditators. During some meditation sessions, I see a weak violet light with my eyes closed. At times, I also see a very light blue color.
I also experience involuntary movements in my hands and arms. Sometimes they are small spasms; other times the movements are vertical, horizontal, or circular. I remain fully conscious during the whole experience. I am aware of what is happening, and I don’t feel confused or disconnected. I’m not trying to force these experiences, and I don’t want to label them too quickly. I’ve seen similar things described as kriyas, energy release, nervous system discharge, tension release, or simply body adjustments during meditation. For those with more experience, does this sound like something common in meditation? How would you interpret or approach it? Thank you.

I've been meditating for about 20 years. I've had the realization of my true nature, and there are times when my thinking completely stops for hours, and sometimes, with shorter or longer interruptions, even for days.

However, my thinking eventually starts up again, and the same old negative thought patterns return. Even though I'm now mostly the observer of these thoughts rather than identifying with them, they still affect my experience.

If I can't remain in continuous presence all the time, wouldn't it make sense to consciously cultivate gratitude and more positive ways of thinking? If the stream of thought is going to restart anyway, why not shape it into something that is more beneficial and enjoyable instead of letting the old patterns take over?

How do you approach this? What is the long-term solution from your perspective?

I took a challenge to meditate for 30 days and today was the first day today I sat on my couch, closed my eyes, and started meditating with a timer of 10 minutes At 6 minutes and 40 seconds, almost near to that point, I felt kind of chill and I felt a fear in my body so I opened my eyes but there was nothing to fear about this. This is something that I want to know: why it happened. I also felt that I had been meditating for way too long like 3 hours and that the day outside my room had become night but it had not and only 6 minutes had passed . Can anyone explain what occurred to me today?

Hello fellow meditators,

I sit twice daily, about 30 minutes each (sometimes more, sometimes less), and I've noticed a pattern I'd like input on.

I tend toward compulsive striving in practice — subtly (and sometimes persistently, over days or weeks) pushing toward certain states, or chasing a mental picture of "progress." For context: I carry a lot of internal heaviness and darkness (mental illness runs in my family), and I've sometimes had a meditation experiences where light and love flooded in. I've been trying to force that state permanently, or at least engineer steady progress toward it.

This "ends justify the means" approach is undermining my practice. Even when difficult states arise and sitting turns adverse, I catch myself unconsciously pushing through rather than allowing.

I recognize the pattern and am working on accepting it, but I'd welcome advice from anyone who's worked through something similar.

People are increasingly becoming aware of simple meditation. I would love to hear about experiences that show meditation is far more complex and extraordinary than many people think.

So I am reallyyy very new to meditation and I tried to browse videos but everything there is so scattered and disorganized i have no clue how to begin . I am prone to procrastination , constant anxiety , ive got really less patience , and am distracted easily . If anyone can guide me on how I should mediate and suggest some good youtube channels and techniques I would be very greatful . I have no clue on how I should begin meditating

hello !! i’m asking this bcs breath work has always been something i found didn’t work for me, j have diagnosed anxiety and ptsd and breath work always makes me feel more tense and anxious

however i understand breath work is a big part of meditation, i just wanted to know, is there forms of meditation that don’t require the focus on breathing ? because i really want to meditate consistently for my own wellbeing but breath work is what puts me off and idk if there’s other ways to meditate that exclude breath work