u/Few-Internet-5665

I (21M) was in a relationship with my ex (22F) for almost year. To be honest she had a lot going on emotionally, physically and mentally. We also created a small tech business I built all the technical side the platform she managed user engagement and outreach. I never really wanted to run the business but I agreed because I wanted to support her dreams, especially after she said she needed money for her treatment Why I ended it, I broke up with her. Why? exhaustion emotionally, physically, mentally, feeling manipulated and used, spending a lot on travel, groceries, etc I was losing myself and constantly doubting my own judgment and loving her costing my own peace.

After the breakup she didn't contact me directly but Instead she sent two long messages to my mother.
First letter to my mum she wrote woman to woman saying I led a double life that I had gone online to call myself a slave carer while she was the real caretaker. She claimed she had to teach me basic hygiene because my smell made her nauseous. She said I lied about money claiming no money for her birthday while secretly buying designer shoes and jackets. She said I called her fat and made ableist comments repeatedly. She said I blocked her side of the bed so she couldn't reach medication. She said after her surgery failed I became horrible because she wasn't giving me attention. She said I damaged her things and snapped at her. She said my love was transactional. She said I used first relationship and having no father as excuses to be lazy. She said I was a coward when a former business partner publicly disrespected our company. She attached screenshots of my Reddit posts I had written about my experience never naming her. My mum cried reading it

Second letter right after my mum replied politely trying to de escalate, she wrote again that she still loved me, saw a future and would wait for me to reflect on the things I have done and change. She framed herself as the forgiving victim. I told my mum to block her.
My point by point rebuttal for my own sanity and so my mum knew the truth
Hygiene: I sometimes sweat after a shower normal. She never told me my smell made her nauseous. For Christmas she bought me a perfume she gave me was under $12. She herself told me her own father and brother sometimes smell after a long day
Money: The most expensive shoes I ever bought were $50 60. The jacket was a $95 winter coat paid in instalments. I have spent sm on her can’t even count I never lied. Ableist comments: We had mutual banter she did it too. Friends witnessed it. She never said it genuinely hurt until after the breakup I stopped anyway. Blocking bed: Opposite. She struggled to get up at night so I brought a table next to her side so she could reach water/medicine. She knew and never complained. After surgery: She ghosted me for almost a month. She said her meds caused mood swings so I tried to be understanding. Even when she was upset at me, I still paid for her things. I did not stay silent about my resentment I told her how I felt. Damaging things: Her phone was with me one time and after I gave it to her it broke. I fixed the phone. A wall cracked when i broke ice on it. I couldn’t fix this which is a mistake on my side. Transactional love: Her entire letter was a transaction report. She projected that onto me. No father excuse: I never said anything about my dad to excuse laziness, invented.
Cowardice with former partner: I gathered every piece of evidence to clear her name. I defended her more than she admits. Station waiting (not in her letter, but part of the pattern): I travelled from my city to hers multiple times. She kept me waiting for hours at stations, often with vague replies. I have the chat logs.

After the letters. Weeks later her friend's sister messaged me on a professional platform saying something serious has happened, please call. I didn't respond it felt like another way to pull me back in. Two months after the breakup, she messaged our business group chat. No apology, no acknowledgment of the letters just a request for free technical work. I didn't respond.
The Reddit posts while processing I wrote anonymously about my experience the manipulation, exhaustion asking for advice. I never used her name. She found them or I showed her and became defensive using them as more reason to blame me. Why I wrote this after my mum cried, I needed to know I wasn't the person she described. I debunked every claim for myself not to win an argument. I blocked her everywhere.

I own my mistakes fully. No deflection. I said yes to building the business when I didn't want to**.** I did it because I wanted to support her dreams. But the result was the same. I hid my true feelings and that was dishonest. She deserved to know the truth. I didn't give her that. I also avoided difficult conversations to keep the peace. When things got hard sometimes I would pull back or change the subject instead of facing the issue directly. That meant some problems never got solved they just piled up until I couldn't take it anymore.
I shut down when I was exhausted instead of communicating**.** There were times I was so tired emotionally and physically that I stopped talking. I went quiet. I know that made her feel abandoned even if that wasn't my intention. I should have said I'm struggling instead of not saying anything. I posted anonymously on Reddit about our relationship while we were still together**.** I never named her, but she eventually saw it. That was a violation of her privacy and I regret handling my pain that way . I let resentment build instead of addressing things early**.** I told her how I felt I didn't stay silent but I often waited too long. I would let small things pile up until I exploded or shut down and that’s not fair to anyone.
These are my mistakes. I'm not pretending I was perfect I was never

Im still healing. Two months in some nights are hard. Some days im clear. I loved her. I still do somewhere underneath the anger. Both are true. I left because staying was costing me too much.
Im not asking for sides just for someone to let me know if im going crazy and I still feel guilty idk cause she has gone through a lot, traumatic experiences and her health maybe that explains why some of the things she did moreover she did say I was inconsiderate a lot of the time…