u/Few-Question-2094

Hello, I'm currently a 3rd year college working student. I want to seek help sana to a professional pero hindi kaya ng budget. Sobrang daming gastusin sa uni + responsibilities pa sa bahay. Kaya magbabakasakali sana ako to seek help na lang here.

I am so close to giving up kasi pahirap na nang pahirap 'yung sitwasyon ko. Kailangan kong magtrabaho sa gabi at pumasok sa campus sa umaga. I know naman na I'm not alone in this war, marami pang katulad ko na ganito ang sitwasyon, pero this kind of comfort is not working for me anymore. Dati I can face the sunset pa with a smile on my face knowing nga na hindi lang ako, pero lately I can't even smile sa salamin or sa picture. I don't want to blame my parents since they've been trying their best din naman, sadyang hindi lang talaga kaya. 

I have two subjects na parang nanganganib ang grades ko kasi I wasn't able to focus talaga due to work. Ayoko sanang magkaroon ng delay kasi I need a stable job para mas malaki ang sahod and less isipin sa bayarin, kaso nga parang magkakaroon talaga ng delay. I know din naman na I should cross the bridge when I get there, pero hindi matahimik utak ko kakaisip anong mangyayari sa akin ‘pag naibagsak ko nga ‘yon.

My work is at risk too kasi last week puro ako absent to take care of my siblings, ngayon nakikiusap na lang muna ako sa supervisor ko and waiting pa rin sa final decision niya.

Nawala na rin lahat ng friends ko since I can't be a responsible and stable one. Hindi ko na sila nasasamahan and hindi na nila ako nasasamahan. I know din naman ‘yung mga pagkukulang ko as a friend, I want to reach out to them sana kaso I know naman na may problema din sila and parang ang kapal naman ng mukha ko if hihingi ako mg pabor sa kanila (a comfort) if I ghosted them first.

Hindi ko na alam mangyayari sa akin ‘pag naibagsak ko ‘yung dalawang subject na ‘yon and if my supervisor won't give me another chance.

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I'm so tired of being a 3rd year psych student. I'm already exhausted from just finishing my thesis. I don't know if it's burnout or I'm just really lazy lately but I'm so drained. I'm a third year psych student and I feel like I'm drowning in so much to do every day. It's like every time you finish one requirement, there are three more waiting. It's not "productive stress" anymore. It's literally just survival mode. Our thesis? It's terrible. I thought it was exciting at first because we were finally going to do actual research, but as it went on it seemed like it was eating up my entire life. Revision after revision. Find respondents. Fix RRL. Just a little mistake in APA format and you're back to zero again. Then it's a group thesis so scheduling and communication add stress. There are times when I just want to disappear when there is a notification on GC because I am automatically nervous about what is the problem. My thesis is not the only problem. Quizzes, reporting, case analysis, reflection papers, readings that seem like a whole book for each subject, and sometimes there is a terror prof who makes you think we don't have any other subjects. I can't remember the last time I fell asleep without thinking about whether I forgot to pass something.

What's worse, you are a psych student so it seems like you are always expected to be emotionally stable. But ironically, we are the ones who are mentally and emotionally exhausted. It's funny sometimes because we study stress management, coping mechanisms, self-care, burnout... while we ourselves don't know how to cope. You seem aware of the symptoms but you are still powerless. Lately, it's been hard to focus. I'll open my laptop to do a backlog and then just stare at the screen for 20 minutes. Sometimes I just cry out of frustration because I want to do it but it feels like my brain is so exhausted. Then there's guilt when you rest because you know you're already exhausted. I miss being excited to go to school. Now it seems like every time I wake up, I'm thinking about deadlines. Even weekends aren't weekends anymore. Even while eating, I'm thinking about my thesis. Even when I'm sleeping, I'm nervous. I feel like I don't have a personality outside of being a student. Then there's the added pressure of "you're in your 3rd year, you should be used to it." But honestly, the longer it goes on, the more tired I get. I don't know how others manage to be academically active while still having a social life. Even replying to friends is hard because I no longer have a social battery.

There are also moments when I question myself if I'm really meant for this. Because I also want psychology. I want to understand people, I want to help someday, but why do I feel like I'm not okay? It's just ironic that I'm supposed to be a future mental health professional but mentally breaking down every week because of acads. I don't need perfect grades. I just want to breathe. I just want to feel like I'm a human again, not a walking deadline machine.

To my fellow psych students out there, especially third years who are in the thesis era too… how are you coping? Because honestly, I think it's just a minor inconvenience. I'm going to walk to the mountains and live there 😭