I (38F) have just left my partner (43m) of 15 years and the guilt is exhausting
We have been together 15 years, no kids (through choice) and own a beautiful home together. We both have great jobs and great friends and from the outside everything should be perfect.
He has always struggled with depression and over a year ago had a pretty significant mental breakdown. I had hoped that this would result in some significant effort with therapy and meds and lifestyle changes (he drinks a lot). I told him then I would support him through it but couldn’t watch him go through self destruct mode again.
Since then he has made some progress, but he still drinks too much, and between us we have developed resentment of each other - I resent him for numbing his thoughts through alcohol, he resents me for trying to be controlling. We have tried couples therapy but I don’t truly believe he buys in to it.
When we are good, we are good, but the majority of the time he is irritable and disconnected. I’m of an age now where I am genuinely concerned for his long term health.
I ended it this morning. I’m staying with a friend for a couple of weeks while we sort out what to do. He was very pragmatic, but I know he’s hurting. I am hurting. I am so sad that we can’t make this work.
I don’t know how to tell our friends and family. I want to try and preserve a friendship with him because I can’t imagine him not being in my life but I don’t know if that sounds stupid.
We both still care for each other greatly.
Any advice or experience much appreciated.