Uuuugh
I’m just over it. I (31F) just want to bitch about shit.
Long story short, dad died when I was 22. Was a good kid until then. Started doing drugs. Sellin em to make ends meet since I was an addict and useless to society. Did some bad shit. Went to prison for a few years. Got out. Moved away to get my life together. Succeeded. Still miss the chaos and bullshit. Boyfriend tries to cheat ever 6 months. When he isn’t doing that he’s making me feel useless. We were in a great place. He’s an alcoholic. Decided to take his shitty day out on me. No he didn’t hit me. First relationship I’ve had that the guy hasn’t. Idk. at what point do I just figure it the fuck out that I’m the problem and I’m just finding excuses. Idk. I’m just broken man. I’d be fine alone. I excel at my career despite my criminal record. But because of that record I’ll never feel respected in my career. Idek man. I’m so fucking lost and I don’t know how to just feel normal and be ok. Shits such a fucking mess. I feel so alone. I went from my old life. To my addiction life. To my now life. And I just can’t figure it out. It’s so hard. I never feel “normal” because of my addiction life. But I’ll always feel like I deserve more because of my past life and my now life. It’s so goddamn hard because I feel like nobody understands and nobody knows me because I don’t even know me. I just want normal… but normal isn’t acceptable. It’s so fucked. Sorry. I’m just a lost soul trying to be better but wishing I died in addiction because it would have been easier. I don’t mourn the ones who lost to addiction, I envy them. I’m just sick of feeling alone.