Finding people
17m just graduated; Growing up, I always wanted to have close friends who I can consider family. As I get older though, the friendships I made don’t even last for long. I think I’m the problem. No corny shit, like I think I’m the problem. I don’t understand. I get called annoying or do too much. I get called too boring and not fun to too talk too. Maybe I get too excited because I haven’t done anything fun in a while. Maybe they’re right, I am boring. I don’t have much hobbies nor play any games. I can’t make any meaningful connections. My younger self would be asking me why we still don’t have any and I don’t even have a response for him.
Earlier this month in March, I was trying to hangout with my friends but was told I can’t because the car was too full. They later told me then they don’t fw me anymore. Didn’t even tell me a reason why, just straight up told me. It honestly hurt me. When they ask me to drive, I drove them around. When they made a joke, we all laughed. I thought they were my real homies. Guess I overestimated my stay.
Junior year I was lonely, my school friends didn’t do shit and didn’t make anything fun. I didn’t talk to anyone and my life was boring at that time. I stayed inside all the time and hoped for the best that someone invited me somewhere. Ion think it worked.
Sophomore year was going good but then was dropped my the same group of friends during senior year. Some of them wish I never came back and wished I was gone. No one ever tells me about my flaws, and how I can improve it.
Freshman year was a rollercoaster of events, but it was whatever. Some friends I made, some friends I lost. I don’t remember much, it was very much a blur.
Middle school was weird, I had a good 7th grade year, before people started to act fake. It was sad really, I thought they were my real homies since we were all close since covid started. Guess people change, but damn. Same people made fun of me during freshman year too, and I thought they were my friends.
The summers going into junior and senior year were depressing. i lwk wanted to end it. I was so lonely I started to go out for walks and hope to met someone new. I tried to talk to online and of course those didn’t work. It was so laughable and depressing, I was a miserable loser. The people I ask to hang out with called me a bum because I was “doing too much”. They were right, I was just self-inviting. No one wants a self-inviter. I just wanted friends, to make memories with. I wasted that away. I wasted the teenager experience. If my life doesn’t improve by the time I graduate college, it might be it for me.