My [31M] wife [29F] has not spoken to me for 4 days after I called her beautiful.
Looking for outside perspective because I’m not sure if I’m handling this correctly or if we’re stuck in a bad pattern.
My wife and I had (what I think is) a very minor argument 4 days ago. I told her she looked beautiful. This was near the end of the night while she was in the kitchen and we were in the middle of cleaning up after dinner.
She responded “I know,” which isn’t unusual. She often responds to compliments with things like “hmph” or “stop lying,” usually in a joking tone but somewhat dismissive.
I brought it up calmly and said I don’t really like those types of responses to compliments, and that it would feel better for me if there was more positive acknowledgement.
She got upset, said I was making it “transactional” or putting expectations on compliments, and the conversation escalated. I tried to explain my perspective but her whole point was that I was expecting something and she did not believe these are genuine.
Ever since then she has completely shut down: she has not spoken to me, has been ignoring me (eats her own meals, moves to the living room to sleep on the couch when she sees I’m in the bedroom).
I tried talking to her and said my apologies and I’m hoping to understand better, but she just replies with things like “there’s nothing more to say” or “I just don’t expect anything from you” meaning that things won’t change.
For context this is a recurring pattern. Minor fights and usually when I bring something up that bothers me. She gets upset and shuts down for 3-4 days. I apologize profusely and we move on although my original issue does not really get resolved as I feel that I’m catering to her. Now I’m afraid of ever bringing up issues (even if small) to avoid this spiral of silence.
She did say something that I thought was a bit more revealing. She mentioned that she was having a good week after a recent fight last month, and the fact that I brought up this issue now was upsetting, not the right time, and that I ruined her weekend. She said she’s overwhelmed with life things such as recently stating up her own business.
My first question is how should I proceed? I haven’t been speaking to her on my end as well in attempt to give space. Before I would usually keep trying to check in and resolve things but the space approach I find has worked well once in the past (even though it took 5 days).
Is there anything I’m missing here?
TLDR; I told my wife I didn’t like how she responds dismissively to compliments. She got upset and hasn’t spoken to me for 4 days. This is a recurring pattern where she shuts down after small disagreements, and I’m not sure how to handle it.