My husband says I’m “not available.” Am I missing something?
My husband says I can’t complain that he doesn’t initiate dates or time together because I’m “not available.”
I’m trying to figure out if I’m looking at this the wrong way.
I have one recurring commitment each month that takes about three hours (including commuting) and I currently attend a one-hour exercise class on Monday and Thursday evenings.
Years ago, I also attended a one-hour ballet class on Wednesdays.
He often pointed to those commitments as proof that I wasn’t available. Because I wanted to prioritize our marriage, I quit ballet. Before that, I also quit coaching volleyball for the same reason.
Here’s what confuses me:
After I gave up ballet and coaching volleyball, we didn’t spend more time together. We didn’t go on more dates or create new routines. The extra time I made available wasn’t used.
Now we’re having the same argument again.
This weekend I already have plans for one part of the day. Instead of suggesting another time when I’m free, he wants to get together during the one time I’m already committed. If I can’t, it’s another example of me being “unavailable.”
From my perspective, my availability seems to be judged by the few times I already have plans instead of the many times I’m free.
So I’m genuinely asking:
Am I missing something?
If someone’s goal is to spend more time with their spouse, wouldn’t they usually look for times their spouse is actually available?
Has anyone experienced this dynamic? What was really going on?
I’m looking for honest feedback, even if it challenges my perspective. Tl;dr
Availability