Am I wrong for not making my son invite both his cousins over?
We moved back to the area last year. Our son (m14) hasn't lived here before so he had no friends here. He got to know his cousin, Max (m15) and the two have really hit it off and hang out together a lot. Our son will often invite Max over after school and they hung out at our place all through spring break. They mostly play games, but will also play in the pool, and they will order food.
The thing is Max's sister, Jamie, (f15) really wants to come and hang out over here too. Part of the reasoning we've been able to figure out is because she wants to appear more affluent. Now that it's getting hotter her mom (my sister-in-law) has become more insistent on me making my son invite her over too because we have more room, we have air conditioning, and we have a pool.
To us the idea just feels weird because our son is inviting Max over as a friend because he likes spending time with Max. Jamie on the other hand wants nothing to do with either of the boys at family gatherings. So if she came over she would just be bumming around on our couch and probably monopolizing the living room/kitchen as well as the pool area and constantly telling they're annoying or being too loud. That's what she does when we have family gatherings. Then they all get into fights and that's with us adults around.
I get it teenage boys are sometimes loud and annoying, but this is my son's home and I don't think he should have to walk on eggshells here. Especially since this time of day (when my husband and I are both at work) is his time without us there. We have cameras so we know nothing crazy is going on, but I also really get wanting some time without us there. Sometimes I like having a friend over every now and then without my son or husband there.
So I decided to tell my sister in law if Jamie acts like a friend to our son maybe he will invite her over sometimes. I thought that seemed fair. Chances are it won't happen, but it leaves the idea open. My sister-in-law thinks its unfair though and that we are showing her daughter that only Max is good enough to hang out here.
I would also like to add that it is not as if Jamie is never allowed over. We invite the whole family about once a month or so.