u/FewTie8008

okay so basically i met this guy , his name is jayden and when we met , i truly felt so safe and comfortable , ( background about me too , i was in a really bad relationship that was abusive physically and mentally. his name is dane and he was on fentanyl and meth and let me just say meth is horrible , what it did to him and made him so crazy and just horrible , but i ended up getting onto it aswell , i met him at 15 , and he’s a year older so he was 16 and we broke up when i was 20 and he was 21, he started using at 16 and i started using using at 18 , and i used for 1 year with him and after we broke up i was single for 3 years and now im about to be 24) jayden is 23 and im 23 but will be 24 in a few month and jayden will be 24 next month , okay so me and jayden met on social media and we texted everyday for a month and then met , the first day we met i literally felt so much butterflies , i thought dane was the only person id ever love and feel that way for , but when i met jayden i felt even more stronger about him then i did dane when i first met him , like 1000000x more , i literally was in love and ready to say i love you and i took me 4 months to say i love you to dane , and i thought jayden felt the way you know , idk how to explain it but it’s like when you meet someone and you both just feel that electricity and ur kiss is like fireworks and u never wanna stop kissing bc it feels so good and u just wanna be next to him forever , that’s how i felt , and we were so comfortable and we talked and i was nervous and he was too , and we talked and talked and then ended up making out and having sex , he’s the first person ive had sex with in 3 years and first guy ive kissed , any other guy ive hung out with i just couldn’t do it , none of them made me feel the way jayden did , and we said i love you during sex also and held hands and honestly felt like we “made love” and i thought i me and dane had “made love” but no we definitely did not , bc with jayden that felt like love , i just couldn’t get enough of him and he couldn’t of me either and we just kept kissing and breathing so heavy and the car was literally so humid , it was insane , i’ve just never have had sex like that in my life , and well now we have been together for 6 months , and i feel like maybe he doesn’t care about me ?? he hasn’t been with anyone else except me , im also the first person he has been with in 2 years , he said he went out on dates but just never did anything bc he didn’t like them , he just would get bored and never wanted to be with them , and i know hes not cheating , its only me , we live an hour away from each other though , but the reason i feel like maybe ive been wrong this whole time and maybe its only one sided is bc even tho its bene 6 months , i haven’t met his parents and he hasn’t met my grandpa , and i don’t know why , it makes me feel like maybe this whole i’ve been blinded but how i feel and he didn’t feel the same , but with my ex it wasn’t that way he felt the same , that same spark , and with jayden i had that feeling again but even stronger , but yet it’s bene 6 months and i feel like we should’ve met parents already , he doesn’t have a lot of friends , he just goes to the gym and works , he spends money on me , we’ve been planning to get a hotel and spend the weekend together , but i could go to his house instead , idk so i basically told him that i want to be in a relationship and all of that and he said we should talk about in person and idk why but i just didn’t like that , i guess i just wanted him to say i love you and let’s be together rn , but he said i want to see you and talk to you can i pick you up ?? and i said no maybe the next day and then i was gonna go pick him up and we were gonna talk in the car or at a park , but then i got kinda drunk and just started thinking and i realized why are we gonna talk in a car ?? if he wanted to be with me then he would’ve said let’s talk about in my house or ask to come to my house , but he didn’t , and he has asked to come to my house yes , he was gonna on easter but he got busy wihh to family and couldn’t (he has a good family dynamic so they do family stuff ) (i don’t have a good family life , it’s very toxic) and so he didn’t end up coming and i feel like maybe it’s bc of my home life ?? idk idk , he never said that , but i can’t help but think that’s why , and i feel like if it wasn’t true i would’nt be thinking it bc normally when u feel something is wrong you know right away what it is and out of all things we were talking about that , my home life seemed to be the only reason i could think of why he wouldn’t wanna come over , he has said yes though about inviting me over , and he said he does wane me too but yet i’ve never been , so i told him that i think we should just be done , if we don’t want the same things what’s the point it’ll be a year soon and what ?? i still won’t of have met ur family ?? and u won’t have met mine either ?? no way that’s not fair and i don’t want that , i want to be with you , yeah , he’ll call me soon , but i just don’t know , maybe this whole time ive rlly been the only one in love and he just didn’t care ,