I (28M) invited my mother (47F) on a beach trip with my wife, our son, and myself. I asked if she could help watch our 1-year-old, and she agreed, as we see her only 2-3 times a year despite her living 2 hours away. My wife and I lack support, unlike my brother, who has two kids and lives closer, receiving more help. I assist by paying the cell phone bill, providing a car, and WiFi. I had previously set boundaries after she tried to visit late at night.
I sent her the address on Sunday, and she responded positively. The trip was paid for without asking for financial help. Problems began on Sunday when we were supposed to leave. She planned to leave earlier to give me time with my family. The day before, she called to say my brother would check the spare car she was using. No issue, as I didn’t want her stranded.
On Monday, my brother was sick and didn’t check the car until midday, so my mom babysat the kids. She dropped her phone in water and borrowed my brother’s old phone. After his wife could watch the kids, she left after 5 PM. I called at 9:30 PM, and she said she was two hours away, needing to stop for a bathing suit and restroom. I was irritated. At 11:30 PM, I asked why she wasn’t there yet. She claimed she put the wrong address in my brother’s phone (which was an iPhone like hers) and was an hour and a half away, blaming herself for agreeing to help my brother. She offered to stay at a hotel and drive up the next morning, paying for extra resort days, as she wanted to spend time with us. I told her to stay at a hotel if tired but expected her to leave Wednesday, reminding her of the prior invitation and plans.
On Tuesday, I texted her at 11 AM to check if she was on her way. She said a cat crawled into her car bumper at McDonald’s, and she was finding a vet. I cooled down but felt she always prioritized my brother’s family over mine. Hours later, while setting up the beach tent, I called her, voicing my frustrations. She apologized, saying she had to find a vet, and I retorted that she should have left the cat and prioritized us. I told her she was no longer invited and needed to go home, also removing her from the phone plan. My brother called, and we argued, with me pointing out his support compared to ours. I haven’t heard from my mom, but my brother said she got a room at another resort, though no one can reach her. Am I the asshole?