u/Few_Distribution6433

I work behind a bar that throws events so often deal with drunk people and have had a few creepy encounters with men. However this one stands out to me.

I laugh about it now, and did on the day to be honest, but it terrified me and left me petrified.

I was working a wedding and a man came up to the bar, he started talking to me about work while my colleague served him. He was really nice and we had a good laugh. He asked if I was the manager, which isn’t massively relevant just felt like mentioning it. He then asked for my name, I gave it to him as I have a name badge and at this point wasn’t uncomfortable or in any danger.

I tell him my name then he reaches his hand over the bar and says “look at this” as we were talking about work I think ‘oh he’s gonna show me a scar he got from the job or whatever’ he then says “hold it” still confused but still not uncomfortable or finding it weird yet I do.

I was confused at what he meant so I went to hold his hand like it was an item, he then made it clear he wanted me to shake his hand (not sure how that happened just did) but he doesn’t shake my hand. He holds it, he’s not holding tight he’s very gentle but he just holds it. He then says “feels right doesn’t it?”

At this point, it’s weird. Lines have now been crossed, he’s now being creepy. I’m now uncomfortable. I uncomfortably laugh and agree he says something I don’t quite hear over the music but I caught the end of it “or I could just lean across the bar and kiss you right now.” I again don’t really say anything because wtf.

He quickly goes “oh but wait there’s cameras” I say “yes, there is right there, staring right at us” knowing full well they probably don’t work but this may keep me safe. My colleagues are right beside me this whole time but they don’t really know what’s happening as they can’t hear him.

He then tells me to meet him outside, I agree, trying to keep myself safe and get this situation over with. He’s still got ahold of my hand may I add. He says “u probably won’t tho will you” I deny and say i definitely will meet him, again unsure of what to say unsure of what he may do if I say no.

He finally leaves after a bit more of him saying to meet him outside and I quickly turn to my coworkers and loosely explain. I see him appear at the window that stares right behind the bar from outside. I tell my coworkers I’m uncomfortable and I’m going to go upstairs for 5 minutes.

On my way up, one of my managers passes me, I run to her and tell her what happened, she’s like “wtf” and says she’ll be down here for the rest of the night anyways.

He stayed at the window all night (the night was almost over like 30 mins left idk) but still he kept looking over and I was still a bit shaken up and like “wtf just happened”

The end of the night approached and I start to go around the tables doing my shut down jobs with one of my other colleagues. At one point we’re just stood there, not sure if we were folding table clothes or what honestly it’s a blur.

Suddenly I feel someone’s hands on my arms and I hear a voice whisper in my ear “you left me hanging” before I even processed any of that I was screaming, I only realised what was happening when my brain heard my scream and my body reacted. I ran to my manager who was just ahead of me. I refused to look back but I hear him say something like “bloody hell that’s one hell of a scream” my manager didn’t hear the scream and seemingly no one else but him and my coworker did either.

My manager seemed un phased by this new situation and I started to feel silly for screaming and running away but that was just how my body reacted, I had no control nor did I know it was happening until it did.

Anyways he didn’t approach me again and shortly left but I felt so scared and uncomfortable all night, I drove home with his voice in my head afraid he was gonna pop up from the back seat, even though I check them before I start to drive.

Hey, before I start, I’m a cis woman this is just a question for trans people (it’ll make sense bare with)

There’s someone I work with who’s been with the company for 3 months now, she was introduced to us as let’s say Thomas which we all obviously assumed he/him pronouns.

Also before I go any further, I’m a lesbian and i actually used to use they/them pronouns so this isn’t coming from a transphobic view or any form or hatred.

Thomas looks like a boy (beard and everything) however, on their 2nd shift Thomas told us they go by let’s say Lucy and use she/her pronouns. We all accepted and supported her right off the bat. This isn’t a toxic work environment, everyone around us was informed and everyone got it straight away.

However, Lucy doesn’t pass as a woman and doesn’t appear to make any effort to either. The issue with this that makes work a bit difficult is other co workers who aren’t aware (as it’s an office with multiple buildings and different departments so we don’t all mix daily) those who aren’t aware are often confused when I mention this Lucy because even though I know they’ve seen me with her, they won’t recognise that as being Lucy because she looks like a man.

When we speak with clients they often get confused (Lucy’s real name is gender neutral that’s important info) they don’t question the name but they use he/him and call her a boy. I don’t correct them as I don’t want to put her or any staff in any danger nor do I have the right to out her to clients. She’s never corrected them either so I assume she maybe isn’t comfortable with that.

This meant a few times I’ve automatically used he/him when referencing her to a client because they’ve used that and it would be awkward, confusing and possibly dangerous if I was to use she/her and make it obvious she’s trans.

I don’t have an issue with Lucy, I’ve never failed to get her name or pronouns right, however, because she doesn’t pass and doesn’t seem to make any effort effort to, it makes dealing with co workers who’re unaware and clients very difficult.

Anyone else dealt with this? How did you go around it?

Also i apologise if anything I said sounds rude or mean or anything, i genuinely don’t mean any of this in a bad light

I’m 18, I have a job that I love but I only love it because of the people. I work in hospitality and the job itself is enjoyable but I mainly like the place because I adore everyone I work with, especially management. However, everyone plans to leave.

I planned to leave from the start but decided if I got another job I’d keep this one as a side hustle because I love it so much. And I still plan this. But without the people, the job isn’t the same.

I have qualifications and experience in childcare and health care. I have a lot of knowledge around SEN children and I myself am autistic so I understand it from a personal view too. I love working with kids and would love a job in a nursery but all I hear is horror stories about nurseries and how they run.

I want a job I love, not just a means to make money. Because I’m autistic, I’m more susceptible to burnout and I can’t work a typical 9-5. I will quit a job if I hate it, I quit my first in two weeks because the company was that bad. I can’t do 40 hour weeks. I can happily do 30 or even 35 but anything above that is pushing it.

I also am open to the idea of a management role, while it’s not my dream career, if I was offered a manager role at my current company I’d genuinely consider it. I already manage people as I’m in charge of training them and am often left alone without managers available and as I’m the only one with knowledge of how it all works, I take on their role. And there’s been times when managers have been busy with other things and have asked me to do the jobs they’d typically do.

I would make a good manager, I’d be pretty much the same as my managers now, I’d create close relationships with my team and give strong communication. But I’d also ensure to enforce boundaries and discipline them when needed (which is what the current management fail to do)

I don’t have many schooling qualifications, I don’t have a maths gcse for example but I have loads of extra courses which I took upon myself to do to further my education and I am willing to do online courses needed for a job however I will not go back to school. I won’t complete a degree or anything like that, I’m simply not smart enough and don’t work well in a school environment nor do I have the funds to spend on it. It’s just not something I’d ever consider doing. I am also very open to apprenticeships and find this is the best way for me to get qualified as I can do the courses while having hands on experience and getting paid so I’m not being set back or struggling to fund things.

I also love animals and have looked at jobs in that field like the RSPCA or even just local vets as a receptionist where I can work my way up to being a vet nurse.

Really my question is, what career paths can I go down? What jobs would suit me?