I F(31) married my husband M(29) 1.5 years ago. For the entirety of my marriage, I would post on Reddit to ascertain whether my marriage was normal or how to navigate my marriage. I would receive mixed views on whether it was something that needed work/counselling whilst some suggested it was showing signs of leading to abuse.
There were so many posts which detailed various incidents in the first year of my marriage. After getting views from the Reddit community, I deleted the posts in case my husband found the posts. But some of my posts from the last 8 months are still on my profile.
2 days ago, during an argument, my husband got so angry he jumped on me and wrapped his hand around my neck. I left the next day.
I tried to make things work, I tried to give it time, I gave him an ultimatum 4 weeks ago that I would only stay in this marriage if we started marriage counselling. We never started the counselling. Following this incident, I know that my husband will only continue to get more comfortable with physical violence as time goes on.
I guess I wanted to post this as a conclusion for anyone that did help me over the 1.5 years - I’m grateful for your responses. And for anyone reading Reddit trying to figure out if your marriage is normal or toxic/abusive, it’s okay to wonder. You know your self worth, your boundaries and your standards. If you feel uncomfortable or if something is bothering you at the back of your mind and making you ask questions, don’t ignore it. Don’t feel alone. My old posts are still there as proof of my journey as I questioned myself and my marriage.
Alhamdulillah this final act by my husband helped me find the courage to do what I always knew was right. May Allah rest protect all marriages and make it easy for brothers and sisters to make marriage work, but where it isn’t working and is causing harm, may he grant them strength to walk away, Ameen.