Coming to terms with my story
TRIGGER AND CONTENT WARNING!!! I (24F) have only started to realize that I was abused and sexually assaulted. When I was about 4 my mom started seeing my step dad, who has a nephew, whom I will call John, who is 7 years older than me. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, when I was a kid I had a little crush on him and everyone in our family knew. Since it was so long ago I don’t remember everything, however when I was about 7, making him 14, things escalated. I would often sleep over at my aunt’s (step dad’s sister’s) house as I enjoyed her and my cousins’ company. John and I would often go to the park in my aunt’s development and just run and play for hours. One day John brings up the idea of playing the game “house”, where he was obviously the “daddy” and I the “mommy” but I couldn’t tell anyone, which I agreed to very willingly. He took me to the slide, which was one of those enclosed tube slides, and he laid down in the slide and made me get on top of him and straddle him. I remember him explaining to me to me what we were going to do, which was me riding him. This happened a couple more times after the first time, usually in the park in the slide but there was a time he assaulted me in the attic of my aunt’s house. It has taken me up until about this past year or two to realize that I was actually sexually assaulted. Up until recently I believed that since I had “wanted it”, it was ok that it happened. I have only told about 2 of my friends about what happened back in high school, but obviously at the time I don’t think either had any understanding about COCSA and neither did I. No one in my family knows, at least that I know of. Ever since John stopped pursuing me, we never really talked again. We will briefly converse if needed at family events, and the obligatory happy birthday text. He is now married with 2 young boys, who are the cutest little things and one is obsessed with me and I love it and love him. His wife and kids are the sweetest, and I think I want to tell my mom what happened but I know that would bring a lot of fallout and pain. And I don’t believe that anyone besides my parents, and maybe John’s wife would believe me. I feel my truth should be shared, and I worry as he has 2 young kids. Not that it would stop anything, but since they are both boys and John is presumably straight, I’m glad he doesn’t have daughters. For now, I don’t think I have the courage to have that conversation and tell my truth to my mom. But for now it feels good getting my full story off my chest.