yeah i know the title is weird.
Im a 19yo girl and thanks to all the porn I've been watching, I've developed a strong fantasy about being raped. When I think about it happening to me, it turns me on a lot. I really enjoy thinking about it and it excites me more than most other things when I'm touching myself.
I know this sounds messed up, but I don't actually feel bad or guilty about it. In my head, it's only a fantasy about me. Since it only concerns myself and I would never want it to happen in real life, I don't see it as that serious. I know the difference between fantasy and reality.
I want to be very clear though: real rape is horrible and traumatic. I would never normalize actual rape, and I would never fantasize about it happening to anyone else. I find the idea disgusting when it involves other people. This fantasy is strictly about me.
It comes from the dark and unhealthy parts of the (legal) porn I consume, but for now I still like having these thoughts because they excite me.
Is it really that weird ?