What has happened to my libido?
I'll (21 AFAB NB) try my best to keep this short :)
I have a girlfriend of just under 3 years now (21 MTF) and have a virtually non-existent sex life (almost exclusively because of me?). We're a young couple who live together with few neighbors -- we have an ideal environment for fucking, which only makes me feel deeply embarrassed about our current sexual dynamic.
I've known that I have existed on the asexual spectrum for around 7 years now. I identify with the label Aceflux, but I am unsure if what I'm experiencing is solely due to my orientation. I used to have what I would consider to be a very high libido when we first started dating, but after she started to lose her sex drive through her transition, it hasn't been smooth-sailing since. We've had mutual issues about physical and sexual insecurities, dysphoria, porn, orientation, and physical capabilities; basically everything under the sun. But my rejection sensitivity has been the most severe. I could tell that I started to become less sexually attracted to and compatible with her over time, but even now, I'm not sure if my unwillingness to have sex is because I'm simply no longer sexually attracted to her or not.
We've also had a lot of relationship issues outside of sex too, and the connection has suffered.
I've been 'celibate' now for around 7 months now (since we last had sex), and my sex drive has fluctuated within that time. For the most part, I wasn't sexually active at all, but I would feel depressed about that being the case. Now, I've just entered a sudden spurt of general horniness and masturbation, and sometimes, I think about initiating sex with her, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is if anyone has any insight into this, do we think this is mostly due to my asexuality, or am I really just not sexually attracted to her anymore? I don't have any other relationships or sexual partners to compare to, so I'm unsure.