AITA for calling out my friend for defending someone who tolerated racism?
I (18F) recently had a falling out with a close friend, "Maya" (18F). We are both Black daughters of immigrants.
Two years ago, after moving to a new state, a male classmate called me a racial slur. While the school investigated, his girlfriend, "Lia" (wasian/pale, not Black), apologized to me on his behalf. Lia’s ex was openly anti-Black, racist to everyone, and made multiple girls uncomfortable. Everyone, including Lia, knew how he was.
Fast forward to this summer: I finally processed the situation and told Maya it still bothered me. Maya is close friends with Lia. Maya has a history of making excuses for racism—she obsesses over racist guys, claims he "changed" because he stopped using the N-word around her, and defends friends who use slurs because "everyone does it." I usually avoided talking about race with her for this reason.
During our fallout (which started over how Maya treats me), race came up. Maya tried to call me a hypocrite, claiming I "tolerate racism" because an acquaintance of mine has racist friends. I don't even talk to this guy—Maya actually asked me to talk to him recently because she was interested in his friend a month or two ago.
Since she brought up an irrelevant acquaintance to attack me, I applied her logic back to her and mentioned Lia. I said Lia was a clear example of someone actually tolerating racism by staying with her openly anti-Black boyfriend. I explicitly said two things can be true at once: Lia was mistreated by him (which I acknowledge and sympathize with), but she still tolerated his racism. I never blamed Lia for his actions; I just pointed out the double standard Maya was using.
Maya immediately defended Lia, accusing me of "talking shit." Even though we agreed to keep our fallout private, Maya ran to Lia and told her I was talking trash. A week later, Lia randomly texted me using forced slang trying to sound tough over the situation.
Maya also claims I "dismiss her Blackness," but I’ve just always been upfront that I dislike how she excuses racism to fit in at a predominantly white institution (PWI). Am I the asshole for pointing out that Lia tolerated her ex's racism, and for being upset with Maya for constantly excusing this behavior?