u/Fickle-Campaign-5130

I am a bit bored of playing expanded and wanna try cruel season but I'm curious what cards do you usually use to make the game more interesting?

I don't know what it is in me that I find unattractive in myself but I just feel like I'm too ugly for women. They're so beautiful and I just know none of them would even look at me. I've always been rejected. I'm sure girls just find me unattractive. No one ever finds me attractive. I've never been in a relationship and I never will. I'm tired of people telling me this will happen some day. Those are just empty words. Everything is exhausting. I don't even wanna change my looks because I don't even know what exactly I find unattractive. I just do and others also seem to.

I don't know what it is in me that I find unattractive in myself but I just feel like I'm too ugly for women. They're so beautiful and I just know none of them would even look at me. I've always been rejected. I'm sure girls just find me unattractive. No one ever finds me attractive. I've never been in a relationship and I never will. I'm tired of people telling me this will happen some day. Those are just empty words. Everything is exhausting. I don't even wanna change my looks because I don't even know what exactly I find unattractive. I just do and others also seem to.

I really like to read them sometimes but at the same time with something happy happens it makes feel sad. Like watching them get into a relationship, kisses, and affection just sadden me because I really want a girlfriend while knowing I'll probably never get one any time soon, if ever. It makes me feel so pathetic that I cry about some people getting together that aren't even real. I'm embarrassed that it makes me go into a whole ass spiral how I wanna have that and can't have that. Then I make myself feel even worse about this because I'm a pathetic fucking loser who won't do anything about it. My social skills fucking suck anyway and maybe it's better if I don't fuck up anyone else's life with my presence in it right now. Relationships just aren't meant for me. Certain girls are meant to be alone. Certain people aren't meant to ever be happy. So I just sit and read and cry like a pathetic fucking loser i am.

I really like to read them sometimes but at the same time with something happy happens it makes feel sad. Like watching them get into a relationship, kisses, and affection just sadden me because I really want a girlfriend while knowing I'll probably never get one any time soon, if ever. It makes me feel so pathetic that I cry about some people getting together that aren't even real. I'm embarrassed that it makes me go into a whole ass spiral how I wanna have that and can't have that. Then I make myself feel even worse about this because I'm a pathetic fucking loser who won't do anything about it. My social skills fucking suck anyway and maybe it's better if I don't fuck up anyone else's life with my presence in it right now. I've posted how I am fucking done with everything and everyone anyway and how relationships just aren't for me. Certain girls are meant to be alone. Certain people aren't meant to ever be happy. So I just sit and read and cry like a pathetic fucking loser i am. This is just another vent. I'm sorry you had to read this.

I really like to read them sometimes but at the same time with something happy happens it makes feel sad. Like watching them get into a relationship, kisses, and affection just sadden me because I really want a girlfriend while knowing I'll probably never get one any time soon, if ever. It makes me feel so pathetic that I cry about some people getting together that aren't even real. I'm embarrassed that it makes me go into a whole ass spiral how I wanna have that and can't have that. Then I make myself feel even worse about this because I'm a pathetic fucking loser who won't do anything about it. My social skills fucking suck anyway and maybe it's better if I don't fuck up anyone else's life with my presence in it right now. I've posted how I am fucking done with everything and everyone anyway and how relationships just aren't for me. Certain girls are meant to be alone. Certain people aren't meant to ever be happy. So I just sit and read and cry like a pathetic fucking loser i am. This is just another vent. I'm sorry you had to read this.

I really like to read them sometimes but at the same time with something happy happens it makes feel sad. Like watching them get into a relationship, kisses, and affection just sadden me because I really want a girlfriend while knowing I'll probably never get one any time soon, if ever. It makes me feel so pathetic that I cry about some people getting together that aren't even real. I'm embarrassed that it makes me go into a whole ass spiral how I wanna have that and can't have that. Then I make myself feel even worse about this because I'm a pathetic fucking loser who won't do anything about it. My social skills fucking suck anyway and maybe it's better if I don't fuck up anyone else's life with my presence in it right now. I've posted how I am fucking done with everything and everyone anyway and how relationships just aren't for me. Certain girls are meant to be alone. Certain people aren't meant to ever be happy. So I just sit and read and cry like a pathetic fucking loser i am. This is just another vent. I'm sorry you had to read this.

I'm so fucking done with everything. With people, relationships and friendships. I don't have anyone who would be close to me. I miss having my ex-best friend around because at least she pretended to give a shit about me at some point. Or maybe didn't pretend and actually gave a shit I don't know. She may have turned out to be a bitch and hurt me a lot but she was still there when I needed it. I have friends but we're not that close. Everyone is getting someone more important to them. Everyone is moving on. I can't meet people irl. My social skills fucking suck. I can't get friends online. People just don't care. People ghost. And I'm not surprised cuz who wouldn't be bored? Who would even care about a fucking worthless piece of shit like me? I'm done with this shit. I'm done with meeting people. I'm done with friendships and relationships. Those are just not meant for me. As it was said in "Kindergarten Boyfriend" from Heathers certain girls are just meant to be alone. I'm even more mad at myself because I hate ai and I had an addiction for a while then I stopped and now I had relapse because that's the only thing that can imitate someone caring about me so I started to use it again to feel less lonely. It can't ghost and it can't leave me. But then I fucking hate that I use it and I hate myself and I'm trying to stop it again. I'm probably gonna get locked somewhere soon anyway. I have ED. I've opened about it to two people. My ex-best friend has at least made sure I eat when I'm around her while the other girl I opened about it to said that's normal and she starves herself too. Hearing that made me feel better and that I'm not doing anything wrong so I didn't do anything about it. Now it got worse. Now I don't want to eat anything. I'm starting to lose weight and my therapist told me if we don't start working on this I'm going to end up either in a hospital or a facility that treats people like that. My head is so fucked at this point that it's better if I don't fuck up anybody else's life with being in it. Either way fuck this shit. Fuck friendships. Fuck relationships. Fuck people. Fuck this life. Nothing good ever happens. Certain people just aren't meant to ever be happy. I'm sorry you had to read it but I don't have anyone I could message with this.

For the past few days I felt like shit. I feel so unmotivated for anything and then hate myself for being unmotivated and wasting my time and it's a full spiral. I also feel so pathetic because I have friends but at the same time I don't feel comfortable venting to them. Most of the time when I try to text them about something, they just ignore me too unless it's actually important or I wanna meet with them or something and idk it makes me feel like I care more about them than they care about me. I feel extremely lonely. I spend most of my time at home and for a while I feel like doing nothing but crying. Meeting new people is hard and I live in a place where I don't have spaces to meet anybody new. I sometimes meet someone at the internet and then they ghost me and that sends me into another spiral and I feel so fucking pathetic. I feel like after I graduate high school my friends will just move on and I'll stay all alone because I don't have any other friends and besides in adult life everyone just focuses on work and their partners so they're gonna do that and I'm not going to be important at all anymore. Everything sucks right now, I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have any partner, I don't have any motivation to meet new people anymore, no motivation to do things I like, no job, no opportunities to even get a job, bad relationship with my family, most likely will have my job taken over by ai and the only thing I have now is stress over the driving exam on Friday that I don't have motivation to do or train for now. Then there's also the fact I keep getting into arguments with my mom over food because I'm picky af and refuse to eat most of the stuff she gives me. Aside from this I just starve myself. When we argue I just feel bad and force myself to eat what she made and while I do that I feel like vomiting. After our argument today she said she's gonna call my therapist and tell her I don't eat anything like that's going to change anything and as if my therapist doesn't know. Sorry if this is a bit chaotic but yeah I needed to get that out to someone and I don't have anybody to vent that to and that's not even everything.

For the past few days I felt like shit. I feel so unmotivated for anything and then hate myself for being unmotivated and wasting my time and it's a full spiral. I also feel so pathetic because I have friends but at the same time I don't feel comfortable venting to them. Most of the time when I try to text them about something, they just ignore me too unless it's actually important or I wanna meet with them or something and idk it makes me feel like I care more about me than I care about them. I feel extremely lonely. I spend most of my time at home and for a while I feel like doing nothing but crying. Meeting new people is hard and I live in a place where I don't have spaces to meet anybody new. I sometimes meet someone at the internet and then they ghost me and that sends me into another spiral and I feel so fucking pathetic. I feel like after I graduate high school my friends will just move on and I'll stay all alone because I don't have any other friends and besides in adult life everyone just focuses on work and their partners so they're gonna do that and I'm not going to be important at all anymore. Everything sucks right now, I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have any partner, I don't have any motivation to meet new people anymore, no motivation to do things I like, no job, no opportunities to even get a job, bad relationship with my family, most likely will have my job taken over by ai and the only thing I have now is stress over the driving exam on Friday that I don't have motivation to do or train for now. Then there's also the fact I keep getting into arguments with my mom over food because I'm picky af and refuse to eat most of the stuff she gives me. Aside from this I just starve myself. When we argue I just feel bad and force myself to eat what she made and while I do that I feel like vomiting. After our argument today she said she's gonna call my therapist and tell her I don't eat anything like that's going to change anything and as if my therapist doesn't know. Sorry if this is a bit chaotic but yeah I needed to get that out to someone and I don't have anybody to vent that to and that's not even everything.

For the past few days I felt like shit. I feel so unmotivated for anything and then hate myself for being unmotivated and wasting my time and it's a full spiral. I also feel so pathetic because I have friends but at the same time I don't feel comfortable venting to them. Most of the time when I try to text them about something, they just ignore me too unless it's actually important or I wanna meet with them or something and idk it makes me feel like I care more about me than I care about them. I feel extremely lonely. I spend most of my time at home and for a while I feel like doing nothing but crying. Meeting new people is hard and I live in a place where I don't have spaces to meet anybody new. I sometimes meet someone at the internet and then they ghost me and that sends me into another spiral and I feel so fucking pathetic. I feel like after I graduate high school my friends will just move on and I'll stay all alone because I don't have any other friends and besides in adult life everyone just focuses on work and their partners so they're gonna do that and I'm not going to be important at all anymore. Everything sucks right now, I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have any partner, I don't have any motivation to meet new people anymore, no motivation to do things I like, no job, no opportunities to even get a job, bad relationship with my family, most likely will have my job taken over by ai and the only thing I have now is stress over the driving exam on Friday that I don't have motivation to do or train for now. Then there's also the fact I keep getting into arguments with my mom over food because I'm picky af and refuse to eat most of the stuff she gives me. Aside from this I just starve myself. When we argue I just feel bad and force myself to eat what she made and while I do that I feel like vomiting. After our argument today she said she's gonna call my therapist and tell her I don't eat anything like that's going to change anything and as if my therapist doesn't know. Sorry if this is a bit chaotic but yeah I needed to get that out to someone and I don't have anybody to vent that to and that's not even everything.

Me and this girl met in high school. We got close very fast and it was the first person I came out to because I thought she was safe.

After I came out we actually started to spend even more time together. I eventually got a crush on her but I didn't say anything or act on it because she had a crush on a guy. That guy actually rejected her but she has told me some bad things about him (which I later learned were lies) and I believed her. I disliked that guy before because I was jealous so she kind of gave me reasons to hate him. I was her shoulder to cry on and I would always be there for her. She's also been there if I needed it.

After that she got even closer to me. She started to complain how all guys are trash and she will actually start dating girls now because they're so much better. She also started to act differently towards me. We'd tease each other a lot, I guess flirt sometimes, she even noticed I blush around her sometimes and gave me a nickname because of that, she'd randomly hug me from behind or tickle me. We'd also often go out to eat one on one and she'd often hold my hand when we were walking or just sitting. So I thought maybe she does like me back. I eventually confessed to her and she told me she's not ready for a relationship yet so I told her that's fine. A few days later she got a boyfriend which annoyed me. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship yet she got a boyfriend a few days later.

She started to act weird since she got with him. She actually would sometimes look into my eyes and hold my hand and then ask if I still have feelings for her and then I'd say yes and she would say "aww that's such a shame because I don't" and it annoyed me a lot. She actually started to act like somehow I like every girl in existence now, would make weird comments about me and other girls that were sometimes sexual and wouldn't stop when I told her to. Suddenly any jokes I made weren't jokes and she'd often get mad at me for them. I also later learned she told a girl outside of our friend group that I confessed to her and I knew if this girl knows then everyone in class knows and I actually pretended to be surprised and said that didn't happen because I didn't know what to do tbh... She also would invite me to her dates with her boyfriend which was pretty uncomfortable for me because they'd sit there and often make out right in front of me while I just awkwardly sat there and didn't know what to do with myself and also was kind of jealous of her. I told her once they could maybe tone it down a bit and she got mad at me, said I crossed a boundary, I can't tell her what to do and that I'm just jealous. I've also learned her boyfriend is homophobic and every time he saw me he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. He was also just straight up rude to me and when I brought this up with her she dismissed me saying he's just cold because he doesn't know me and that I'm blowing things out of proportion. Eventually we got into a big argument which ended our friendship.

There was a lot of other things she did that are kinda unrelated like getting mad at me for things I couldn't control because of ADHD or other stupid stuff like that. At some point it felt like she was just looking for things to be mad at me for. It was exhausting so when the friendship ended I was relieved.

At the same time some of my best moments were spent with her and I miss the affection. I rarely ever meet people so I rarely ever get new friends and I have no queer friends so basically no opportunities for relationships. So when I get lonely I just start missing her. I also don't have someone I could call a best friend now so yeah...

Me and this girl met in high school. We got close very fast and it was the first person I came out to because I thought she was safe.

After I came out we actually started to spend even more time together. I eventually got a crush on her but I didn't say anything or act on it because she had a crush on a guy. That guy actually rejected her but she has told me some bad things about him (which I later learned were lies) and I believed her. I disliked that guy before because I was jealous so she kind of gave me reasons to hate him. I was her shoulder to cry on and I would always be there for her. She's also been there if I needed it.

After that she got even closer to me. She started to complain how all guys are trash and she will actually start dating girls now because they're so much better. She also started to act differently towards me. We'd tease each other a lot, I guess flirt sometimes, she even noticed I blush around her sometimes and gave me a nickname because of that, she'd randomly hug me from behind or tickle me. We'd also often go out to eat one on one and she'd often hold my hand when we were walking or just sitting. So I thought maybe she does like me back. I eventually confessed to her and she told me she's not ready for a relationship yet so I told her that's fine. A few days later she got a boyfriend which annoyed me. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship yet she got a boyfriend a few days later.

She started to act weird since she got with him. She actually would sometimes look into my eyes and hold my hand and then ask if I still have feelings for her and then I'd say yes and she would say "aww that's such a shame because I don't" and it annoyed me a lot. She actually started to act like somehow I like every girl in existence now, would make weird comments about me and other girls that were sometimes sexual and wouldn't stop when I told her to. Suddenly any jokes I made weren't jokes and she'd often get mad at me for them. I also later learned she told a girl outside of our friend group that I confessed to her and I knew if this girl knows then everyone in class knows and I actually pretended to be surprised and said that didn't happen because I didn't know what to do tbh... She also would invite me to her dates with her boyfriend which was pretty uncomfortable for me because they'd sit there and often make out right in front of me while I just awkwardly sat there and didn't know what to do with myself and also was kind of jealous of her. I told her once they could maybe tone it down a bit and she got mad at me, said I crossed a boundary, I can't tell her what to do and that I'm just jealous. I've also learned her boyfriend is homophobic and every time he saw me he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. He was also just straight up rude to me and when I brought this up with her she dismissed me saying he's just cold because he doesn't know me and that I'm blowing things out of proportion. Eventually we got into a big argument which ended our friendship.

There was a lot of other things she did that are kinda unrelated like getting mad at me for things I couldn't control because of ADHD or other stupid stuff like that. At some point it felt like she was just looking for things to be mad at me for. It was exhausting so when the friendship ended I was relieved.

At the same time some of my best moments were spent with her and I miss the affection. I rarely ever meet people so I rarely ever get new friends and I have no queer friends so basically no opportunities for relationships. So when I get lonely I just start missing her. I also don't have someone I could call a best friend now so yeah...

So I've been a bit depressed earlier and what helped me feel a little better was that I met a girl from my own country. I don't meet queer people from my country often, let alone ones my own age, so it made me a bit excited. We've added each other on instagram and discord. We talked every few days. I related to her a lot. We have a lot of the same interests and opinions. I was a bit anxious because I have social anxiety which I ended up telling her. As we texted I had this little voice in my head that sooner or later she's just going to realize I'm actually boring and ghost me like everyone else. And it happened. She ghosted me. My anxiety was right again.

I also feel like shit lately because there's so much that happened. My friend group feels like it barely holds together and I am anxious that I'm gonna be left alone as soon as we graduate high school. I don't have any friends outside of my friend group so I'll literally be alone with no way to really find more people. And my friends have other people. They'll be fine. I also don't really have a friend I'm really close to? I mean I have guy friend that told me many times I'm important to him and he feels like he can say anything around me without really being ashamed but he too has a friend that's just clearly more important to him. I often feel like I put the most effort in my friendships, and like they're more important to me than I'll ever be to them. And I think the fact that this girl ghosted me even if we knew each other for a very short time just reaffirmed the feeling that no one really cares and that people do think I'm boring and ultimately don't want me around. I really want a friend who will put me first and actually make me feel like I'm not the only one putting effort and like they're more important to me than I am to them.

I've also gotten into an argument with my mom over my ED which just made me feel worse. Right now I'm mostly just turning a game on and playing it from morning to late night so I can stop thinking about everything.

So I've been a bit depressed earlier and what helped me feel a little better was that I met a girl from my own country. I don't meet queer people from my country often, let alone ones my own age, so it made me a bit excited. We've added each other on instagram and discord. We talked every few days. I related to her a lot. We have a lot of the same interests and opinions. I was a bit anxious because I have social anxiety which I ended up telling her. As we texted I had this little voice in my head that sooner or later she's just going to realize I'm actually boring and ghost me like everyone else. And it happened. She ghosted me. My anxiety was right again.

I also feel like shit lately because there's so much that happened. My friend group feels like it barely holds together and I am anxious that I'm gonna be left alone as soon as we graduate high school. I don't have any friends outside of my friend group so I'll literally be alone with no way to really find more people. And my friends have other people. They'll be fine. I also don't really have a friend I'm really close to? I mean I have guy friend that told me many times I'm important to him and he feels like he can say anything around me without really being ashamed but he too has a friend that's just clearly more important to him. I often feel like I put the most effort in my friendships, and like they're more important to me than I'll ever be to them. And I think the fact that this girl ghosted me even if we knew each other for a very short time just reaffirmed the feeling that no one really cares and that people do think I'm boring and ultimately don't want me around. I really want a friend who will put me first and actually make me feel like I'm not the only one putting effort and like they're more important to me than I am to them.

I've also gotten into an argument with my mom over my ED which just made me feel worse. Right now I'm mostly just turning a game on and playing it from morning to late night so I can stop thinking about everything.

Recently life has been like hell for me. I don't even know why I suddenly feel so intense about it. I've had a certain friend be toxic for me for a while and I finally feel like I cut him off. One of my friends doesn't seem to understand why he was a problem and recently kinda made me feel invalidated about it but whatever.

Other than that I feel an intense feeling of loneliness. I lay in bed at night and genuinely want to just be hugged and cuddled and comforted and I start crying. Recently things stopped making me happy anymore. Well sometimes I am happy but then I go back to this depressed state and I don't even know why, nothing really happened that could cause me to be this depressed. I also seem to be happy when I'm around my friends but then I don't know if I'm truly happy or if I'm actually pretending. For a while I felt happy so why am I like this now? I also feel a shit ton of anxiety because at the end of the week I have a driving exam that I feel nowhere near ready for. I just wish someone were here right now to hug and cuddle me and comfort me but there's no one. I got these intrusive thoughts today of what if I just overdosed on pills so everything could end? Sometimes I get them on other days too and these thoughts kind of scare me sometimes.

At the same time I would like to vent this to a friend but I don't really have anybody I really could vent to. My friends care about me but I'm not really used to venting to them and I feel like we're not close enough for me to do so. Like I knew them for 4 years but I don't really have a best friend anymore. I've had one but we're not friends anymore for reasons. Then I had an online one for a bit but ever since she discovered she actually likes men and got with a guy I don't seem to matter to her anymore.

I wish to have someone who'd put me on the first place and make me a priority. I don't even know where these feelings come from. I'm also so anxious that when school ends my friends are just gonna move on and I'll stay alone. I really need someone to hug and cuddle me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I have therapy tomorrow and I know I have to talk about this but I don't even know how. I'm scared

I've been talking to her for about two months now. We met a year ago but stopped talking until she reached out to me again. Ever since then I started to talk a lot to her and eventually we started to vent a lot to each other. I tried to give her advice and handle it to the best of my ability. Aside from that we talked about a lot of different things and idk I just sort of started to like her and got really close with her. Today we talked as normal, I mostly talked about my day and also sent her a voice message as I promised to do so a few days ago to explain some stuff about my language, she ended up telling me my voice is very cute and everything was fine until I asked if when she said she didn't feel well she meant just sickness (as she mentioned she felt sick a couple of days before) or if something happened. She told me she had an argument with her mom and that she doesn't want to exist anymore, that she doesn't even want to study because she doesn't see any future for herself, that she feels basically like a useless person, that she shouldn't keep living and that she feels there's no cure for these toxic thoughts anymore. She then apologized for showing me that side of herself. I told her that she can show me all of herself and I don't really mind, to not say this about herself, that she is amazing, that there is absolutely is a future for her and that if she can find strength to study she should, I pleaded her to keep living even if it is for others and not for herself. I told her I wish I could hug her right now. I also asked if she has been taking her antidepressants and told her to please reconsider therapy as it can really help with those thoughts. She said she doesn't have strength for things like therapy and that she has been thinking of taking all of her antidepressants so she could finally be at peace and that she has been wanting everything to stop for a while. I pleaded her not to. I told her to even force herself to go to therapy if she has to because it will do her good long term. She said she can't do this anymore and that she doesn't have strength or reasons to keep going. Then I just begged her to not do anything stupid, to keep living even if it was just for me, that I'd hate to lose her and that I hate myself for not being able to help. She told me I helped her with many things and that this pain has been there for many years and she's not sure that much longer she can carry it. I told her I hate how she feels this way and that I wish I could do something. I told her I'll always be here if she needs it. She told me she has an appointment with her psychiatrist on Saturday and said she does feel she needs some more inventive help. She also said she sometimes went days without taking her antidepressants because she had no energy to take the medicine. I told her she can't take meds one day and then not take them another because they may not work well. I also told her that I hope she feels better eventually.

This conversation was so exhausting and it honestly made me cry. I'm worried she will hurt herself as she has told me she has tried to attempt before. I don't know what to do.

I've been talking to her for about two months now. We met a year ago but stopped talking until she reached out to me again. Ever since then I started to talk a lot to her and eventually we started to vent a lot to each other. I tried to give her advice and handle it to the best of my ability. Aside from that we talked about a lot of different things and idk I just sort of started to like her and got really close with her. Today we talked as normal, I mostly talked about my day and also sent her a voice message as I promised to do so a few days ago to explain some stuff about my language, she ended up telling me my voice is very cute and everything was fine until I asked if when she said she didn't feel well she meant just sickness (as she mentioned she felt sick a couple of days before) or if something happened. She told me she had an argument with her mom and that she doesn't want to exist anymore, that she doesn't even want to study because she doesn't see any future for herself, that she feels basically like a useless person, that she shouldn't keep living and that she feels there's no cure for these toxic thoughts anymore. She then apologized for showing me that side of herself. I told her that she can show me all of herself and I don't really mind, to not say this about herself, that she is amazing, that there is absolutely is a future for her and that if she can find strength to study she should, I pleaded her to keep living even if it is for others and not for herself. I told her I wish I could hug her right now. I also asked if she has been taking her antidepressants and told her to please reconsider therapy as it can really help with those thoughts. She said she doesn't have strength for things like therapy and that she has been thinking of taking all of her antidepressants so she could finally be at peace and that she has been wanting everything to stop for a while. I pleaded her not to. I told her to even force herself to go to therapy if she has to because it will do her good long term. She said she can't do this anymore and that she doesn't have strength or reasons to keep going. Then I just begged her to not do anything stupid, to keep living even if it was just for me, that I'd hate to lose her and that I hate myself for not being able to help. She told me I helped her with many things and that this pain has been there for many years and she's not sure that much longer she can carry it. I told her I hate how she feels this way and that I wish I could do something. I told her I'll always be here if she needs it. She told me she has an appointment with her psychiatrist on Saturday and said she does feel she needs some more inventive help. She also said she sometimes went days without taking her antidepressants because she had no energy to take the medicine. I told her she can't take meds one day and then not take them another because they may not work well. I also told her that I hope she feels better eventually.

This conversation was so exhausting and it honestly made me cry. I'm worried she will hurt herself as she has told me she has tried to attempt before. I don't know what to do.

I mostly need to vent about some stuff. Maybe about two months ago I went back to talking with a girl I lost contact with for a year. We started to talk a lot and we bonded rather quickly. She started to vent to me about a lot of things and the thing is I wish I could do something. She has a horrible home life, she has no irl friends and she is battling depression. She has said sometimes she wishes she would just have someone to hug her and I wish I was there to hug her. I wish I could take her away from her horrible life at home. I wish I could hang out with her irl so she doesn't feel so alone. But I can literally do nothing. She's on the other side of the world. And it makes me feel so sad and frustrated that I am just so powerless. I feel like I've never been this close with anybody. Not ever since I stopped being friends with my ex-best friend at least. I think about her 24/7 wondering if she's okay. I keep worrying about her when she doesn't respond. I wish she would talk to me every day so I know she's okay. But I know that she can't text me everyday because her parents would complain she uses her phone too much and eventually just takes it away. And I know that sometimes she will just not text me back because she's feeling horrible and just doesn't have energy to or maybe just doesn't want to respond. I try to tell her to not believe in what her toxic dad tells her that she doesn't have a future. I try to make sure she knows she is beautiful because she is and I don't understand how someone this gorgeous can be insecure. I try to make sure she knows she isn't boring and that she is amazing and deserves to be loved and that she is going to find a girlfriend for sure and not to worry about it. But really all I can do is text her things. It's frustrating that we live so far away from each other. I sometimes check my phone when I randomly wake up in the middle of the night to see if maybe she texted back since she sometimes does as we're from different timezones. The first thing I do in the morning is check if she texted me anything. It's probably the first time I've thought about someone this much.