It's honestly so unfair what he's doing
I have BPD. My ex and I broke up about a year ago, and the reason he gave was that I needed too much reassurance and he wasn't the kind of guy who could constantly provide that.
For context, I don't experience emotional outbursts. What I did struggle with during the relationship was suicidal ideation, self-harm and a lot of insecurity about myself. I carried a lot of shame and anxiety. He supported me through that period, and I'm genuinely grateful to him for it.
However as I was slowly getting better, he did something I considered a betrayal (he knew it was a betrayal). I had an emotional reaction to it. Nothing extreme, but I would break down crying about it sometimes, and it made me feel even more insecure in the relationship. Before that incident we never actually argued, but after that arguments became more frequent. I was always for clear communication and expressing each other's needs, but I think by the day he broke up with me, he'd had enough.
He sent a voice note saying he thought we should break up. I told him if that's what he wanted, then okay. I said I still considered him a kind, funny person and listed off some of the things I appreciated about him (because he also said he felt nothing he did was enough), but that if that was his decision, then okay. He sent a few messages after that saying he was sorry, and then a screenshot of the pictures of me in his camera roll asking which ones he should delete (??). I didn't reply to any of his messages after the first one I sent.
For someone with BPD, I was honestly proud of how I bowed out. I didn't make it a massive deal. It hurt. I won't pretend it didn't. It was probably the most painful thing I've gone through and he was my first relationship. But I never showed him any of that pain. I wanted to keep some dignity. And tbh, even though I'm grateful for his support during the worst of it, I was deeply embarrassed that I'd let myself get to a point where he ever saw me like that. So after the breakup, I decided I was at least going to claw back some dignity.
That's what I thought it would be. Except he won't stop hovering.
I muted him on Instagram. I avoid his social media entirely. But he watches every single one of my stories, and usually he's the first to view them. I unfollowed him on Spotify and Discord because I didn't want to see his activity pop up. He's also tried to reach out a few times, and I've ignored it because I want that door closed. I don't understand what's going on. He cited the reassurance thing as the reason for breaking up, which is fine. Even if the real reason was that I was emotional, or that I'd been unstable, that would also be fine. Nobody is obligated to stay with you. Nobody has to play caregiver. I get that. But why is he doing this now? I've done so much work not to reach out when I wanted to. I've done a lot of work to rebuild some self-respect, especially because he's the one who left. I worked hard to close this chapter with dignity intact, and now he's the one lingering on my profile and trying to make contact.
For the longest time I felt like a bad person just for having BPD. I read all these stories about how people with BPD are abusive and manipulative and never change, and even though I try not to internalise that because I know it doesn't apply to me, it still made me feel permanently culpable in the relationship. So I'm doing the work. I'm not contacting him. I'm closing this chapter. And now he wants to reach out, and he's watching everything I post, and I just don't get it. I don't want to open that door again. I want to move on, get better mentally, and keep working on myself. I'm just genuinely confused by his behaviour.
TLDR: He broke up with me about a year ago because I'm too much, now he won't stay away.