Today I filed a name change application at the court house. The woman helping me fill out the form even referred to me as ma'am! Its the first time in public a stranger has gendered me correctly! Im officially going to be me! I am so happy! I am Wylla!
I used to sleep on the couch with my dad. I was always kinda anxious or scared. I had a room of my own and my dad always slept on the couch in the living room and I just always slept on the couch with him up till like middle school started.
Im just laying in bed rn remembering this and wondering, how is it that the person who used to make me feel so safe, now causes most of my stress and pain?
How is it that the person that used to be my hero hates a core aspect of my identity while he still says he loves me?
He says he still loves me but has told me "trans people aren't people" and "he hates all trans people"
I didn't come out to him but I didn't really try to hide my transition either when he realized he yelled and screamed but he didn't kick me out the house. He didn't lay hands on me. He didn't try to take away my hrt. He still supports me financially. He doesn't stop me from dressing feminine. He doesn't make fun of me really or insult me. But he also says shit that is so hurtful to me sometimes. He always misgenders and deadnames me And anytime the fact that im trans comes up he gets super upset.
I don't think he will ever accept and support me as his daughter and as a woman. Which sucks because pretty much everyone else in my life has been very accepting and pretty supportive.
As frustrated as he makes me now I love my dad but how is it that it all changed so much? I love being trans but moments like this make me wish I was just born as a cis girl. If my dad just accepted me as trans woman my life would be perfect but I doubt it'll ever happen.
Thanks anyone for reading my rant.