I keep failing (A lesson)
Has the title says, "I keep failing". I wanted to quit porn a while ago, but every time i get to 20-30 days I relapse. I say, "OH i quit NOW, I understand it, I won't fail" but when the urge comes, I fall as if I'm not ready yet. Am I really this dependent on it? I know my "why to quit", but this is just a matter of if I want to quit now.
I say this because i lived all my life with porn. My life is pretty much porn, I was bullied at a young age and when i discovered it. I felt safe, a feeling i never felt before. It made me feel good, the only thing i looked forward to, but know I can't stand it. I don't want porn anymore. i still crave the high dopamine hits, the masturbation. That why I'm here again, the problem is my life is nothing without, but maybe it wont be so bad. I just have to accept it and become a completely new peron. Change the way i walk, speak, look at people and just think.
That's my why, i want to become someone new, some better. Anyone else that doesn't what it, I want that glow, of being free of porn. I fired up but the thought in the back of my mind are like "That will never be you, stay comfortable with me". I have had enough. I don't care what it take anymore, I'm free from porn. This is my little testimony, peace