My (27M) GF(22F) broke up with me because of work stress?
We dated for 4 months but it felt a lot longer. Our backgrounds since they are important: I am culturally muslim(I do not believe in the religion) and she is a Catholic. Even though I have been in the US for 4 years, I grew up in a conservative, muslim society and that is where I find my belief system to be derived from. She grew up in the US. I am in an engineer and she is a nurse.
At first, it felt a romcom love story. We were obsessed with each other(she used to say this frequently). We would always want to hang out together and facetime for 2-3 hours everyday. She just finished college and was preparing to start her first nursing job when she met. Everything seemed great at first despite our differences.
Right from the beginning, we had some fundamental differences about modesty, alcohol etc. Here are some of our differences:
- She wanted to dress 'normally' like an average girl. I wanted her to dress a bit(or a lot by some standards) modest. For example, in the beginning, I had issues with her wearing bikinis. I told her that I am uncomfortable but since I know that this is common and there is actually nothing wrong about it, I would be okay with in some time. I just need some time to adjust my expectations. She agreed and that was never a big disagreement in our relationship.
- She used to drink a lot and I rarely ever drank. I was okay with her drinking and I would even take her out for drinking but I would never drink myself except a few times. This was also not a big deal.
- Now this is the main issue. We had different financial expectations. She wanted me to pay for EVERYTHING. One mistake I made in the beginning was telling her how much I earned. I earn mid six figures in a HCOL area. She also had this idea that muslim men give you princess treatment and would never let you pay for anything. These two expectations led her to expect me to pay for everything. I was okay with paying for a lot of things but at some point, it was getting too much for me. She would also ask for more every time. For the record, I ALWAYS paid for the food. I never made a big deal out of it, but, imo, she had an entitled behavior towards it. She would say "the food is supposed to be covered though. everyone pays for the food. you are doing nothing special". On top of that, when going out to eat, she would want to go to the nicer places. She would also ask me to pay for her nails, massages etc. I never paid for that stuff which built resentment in her. I believe her expectation came from her ex(22M) who would "zelle me money all the time" according to her. I did give her decent amount of gifts(a few clothes, a makeup shopping haul, 4-5 times flowers) in this small timeframe. Mind that I am not a person to get messages etc. I am a low-maintenance guy and she is a high-maintenance girly. We would argue about money all the time.
- Mainly since she was unwilling to pay, I wanted to stay in more. I only wanted to go out once or twice a week. In the beginning, she would stay in with me but after 3 months mark, she never want to stay in. I said that if she wanted to go out more she needs to contribute (for paying for movies, massages, etc). She was unwilling to do that. She said "you could pay if I wanted to". She also never wanted to do physical activities outside of the home like running, working out etc. So, there was nothing we could do together other than staying home that didn't involve paying money.
Now, for the last month or so, she started to seem less interested in me for some reason. She started to pull back. I demanded that I needed her attention(more meetings, more frequent text updates). She didn't really agree to that. I got more and more anxious and insecure in the relationship as I felt her pulling back. She started to not text me or not prioritize me in the relationship. I felt more anxious which probably pushed her away more.
4 days ago, we had an argument where I got mad at her for not willing to meet me. She said "i could only meet you once or twice a week". Her tone was harsh and final-sounding. At seemed like she didn't really want the relationship. After a heated argument, I agreed to her only seeing me once or twice a week. Nonetheless, it didn't matter.
2 days ago, she sent me the breakup message. She said she was suffering from depression and mental exhaustion and wanted to be alone. I didn't beg but I asked for the reason. The stated reason was that I didn't understand how tired she was after work(she worked 12 hour shifts with a two-way 4 hour commute). She felt insecure at work about her performance. She said she tried to communicate her tiredness to me but I didn't understand. She was right about this. She did mention that she was tired and I didn't give it appropriate concern. I apologized for this. I pushed her to reconsider her decision if this was the reason. She said she needed some time.
I am writing this today as she is reconsidering her decision. I don't know what her decision will be. As of now, she is still sad and processing her emotions. She said she still loves me. I also still love her.
We are currently in a no man's land where she is reconsidering her decision. I am also reconsidering whether I should pursue this. Given these incompatibilities, has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it turn out and what would you do in my position?